PDA

View Full Version : Ashamed. acted like a complete child today. couldn't keep hold of my anger!



camilla91
08-25-2012, 03:21 PM
I'll start with the bad and end with the good.
If anyone saw my post yesterday I kicked my partner out.
This morning he came round and we had another argument. Which resulted in my two year old son chasing him down the street with no shoes on. My poor baby.
Anger got the best of me and I posted this on my facebook -
To everyone who knows (deleted name)-
Just to let you all know what a scumbag this man is. Hasn't paid a penny towards his 2 year old son since forever, I pay all the fucking bills while he put a 'few quid' here and there. Yesterday he told his innocent 2 year old little boy he was going to buy him a turtle. A turtle that only costs 15 pound my I add. He got my son so exicited. For an hour he told my son about this turtle. Then tells me he can't afford it. 15 minutes later he went to town and spent 35 quid on cds then started to tell my dad how the rest of his money is for beer. My son looked straight at me and asked where his turtle was. Has anyone ever had to look a 2 year old in the eye to say 'sorry baby your daddys spent the money for it?' I sincerly hope not. He's had 150 quid today and bought his son some 10p sweets while telling us how drunk he was last night. Disgusting.
Oh yes I wrote an essay. Also sent him an abusive msg. Also posted the msg on his wall for his friends to see.
Pure anger drove me.. That's pretty rare..
After this 'act' I had a huge public full blown argument with his sister who's only defence was 'well he bought u a cooker a while back and the baby a toy'. That fuelled me more, where I threatened to say something pretty hideous about her to her mother.. (Unbelieveably ashamed about that one)
I feel pretty guilty. And so ashamed!! Acting like a child!
I haven't removed the post. Because I don't want people to think I backed down (oh god I sound like I'm in school!!)
Grrr mad at myself! Really pissed off.
Good note. No depersonalisation all day. Had something else to focus on. Would much rather have something good to focus on but its a start. Pfffffffffffffffft. Give me a good bloody day tomorrow! Strange how a day that should have been full of anxiety because of the stress wasn't? Eeeeeeee well that me unloaded, feel like I've just been in confession booth.. Gunna post this, leave it 5 mins then delete because I'm already regretting writing it? What the hell.

camilla91
08-25-2012, 03:49 PM
I'm leaving it on -_- no point confessing then going back.. I'll look back on this one day and laugh..

kzac
08-25-2012, 05:41 PM
I bet you felt alot better after though didnt you!! At least u let it all out and didnt bottle up the anger!! Fuck him who cares? you take care of yourself and your son, fuck the rest!! Lol

Kellyx

annalea(:
08-25-2012, 06:00 PM
Camilla91, you brave woman!!

Don't delete it, stand up for yourself!

But in the future you feel embarrassed of posting this around for all to see, i suggest writing a letter, letting all of your emotions and anger out, don't post the letter and just rant away!!
But if you do feel talking to people about it helps then don't post it on Facebook, post it here instead. I don't mean that in a nosey way, i just think this would be a better place, no one judges and hey, no one knows you here!

You don't need him, also i really want to buy your poor son a turtle now, bless his heart! :)

But good on you!!
AnnaLea
Xx

falconlady
08-25-2012, 07:51 PM
I have about 10 turtles living in my pond and now I want to send you one! Poor baby :(

trinidiva
08-25-2012, 07:53 PM
I totally understand why you are angry.....I would hate having to explain to my child why they won't be able to get what they were promised.....because his father chose to be selfish.

I hope that you are feeling a little better right now, I really think you needed to let off some steam....

camilla91
08-26-2012, 02:09 AM
I do feel a bit better now I've wrote it on here, wish I'd have done that in the first place. Just had a rant, I wish I'd not bloody wrote it on facebook but I really wanted his mates to see what he's really like, he thinks its just about the turtle, it quite obviously wasn't it was the fact he let my baby down, I might take him and get him a turtle on tuesday, mummy doesn't mind in the slightest spending money on him -_- I'm really considering telling his dad he can't see him unless he starts paying for him but is that being spiteful? I'm so mad at him I can't think what's right and wrong! Thanks for the support you guys, I still feel slightly ashamed of myself.. His mums coming mine today.. This is guna be so awkward!

truitt661
08-26-2012, 03:52 AM
I understand how you feel but as a single mom you have to make the best out of it when u can. One day your child will understand , bit I do t think you should stop the father from ever seeing his kid.

annalea(:
08-26-2012, 05:57 AM
If he wants to see his kid then he should pay to help raise him. Having a child is a two way thing he cant just leave you to it and be selfish!
Tell his mum why your upset and everything he has done and she might agree and talk him round to apologising :)

AnnaLea :)
Xxx

camilla91
08-26-2012, 06:32 AM
She's a right miserable cow to be honest lol she rang my friend up and started saying that I can't be mad over a turtle.. The turtles not the f**king point! Ivst told ther babys dad if he wants to see him he can pay for him hew said 'its only been two days and ur using him as a weapon'.. Then told me 'if ur gunna be like that I'd rather not see him' .. Surprise.

annalea(:
08-26-2012, 02:43 PM
Exactly, what the point is, is that your poor son has been given empty promises and false hope, poor thing!
Seriously?! What a dick! How can you say you would rather not see your own flesh and blood then pay a bit of money towards his upbringing!
Im glad you have thrown him out and told him straight!!

AnnaLea
Xx

jhunter89
08-26-2012, 03:29 PM
Sounds like your better off without the lot of em!! I don't have kids so can't really give the best advice. Does your son enjoy spending time with his dad? Or does he let him down too often? It's really up to your son I suppose. How are you doing today anyway?

camilla91
08-27-2012, 01:50 AM
That's a pretty good point jhunter, my son loves spending time with his dad but gets bored after about an hour, I think I'm just guna set dates and times for him to see him and if he let's him down more then twice I'm going to cut him off, I can't have the baby being let down all his life.. Gunna have to seriously think about this one! Lol

jhunter89
08-27-2012, 03:21 AM
Yeah he doesn't sound like the best role model either!