So

[jhunter89]

I feel like I want to go totally un-noticed, ignored. When people look at me or talk to me I want the earth to swallow me up but at the same time I want everyone to like me and see me as a good likeable person, on the rare occasion I think of something good to say that might strike off a good conversation I'm too scared to say it. *sigh* anyone else in this boat?

[aforce]

all human beings look on some one when they have reason ....some dependency on you ...create the dependency ...like become fun loving person ....caring when ppl are in pain ......give them different shots of like like adventure ...YOU WILL ROCK

[jhunter89]

What does that even mean? I dont understand?

[Buttercup]

hi, Jhunter89.
I have hijacked my gf's account here as I felt compelled to respond to you.
I totally feel the same. Sometimes I feel I dont want to talk to the world or be in any social situations, the thought of having to be somewhere in society like going for dinner or spending time with friends makes me stuggle and ends up resulting in me having to to find the inner energy to think about the positives it will have on my own demeanor when I am there. Sometimes I feel I prefer *me time* where I just want my own psychological comfort, however the downside is that socially it creates a situation were I am social excluding myself to society that when I do have to go out I have de-skilled my converstaion skills so much that it can create an anxiety/self image affect about how I feel Im coming across to other people. The more I analyse this it creates a paranoia if anyone still likes me, and would they invite me again. It's a catch 22. You want to be lonely as sometimes being alone to reflect on your positives and negatives but at the same time when you go out you want to be the life and soul of the party but just dont have that edge to just make it happan. My advice is to start off easy, go to places your comfortable being around people who you know or a friend of a friend (networking) to build up your confidence. After that if you have facebook or any social network sites add them and talk to them via Social networking as people describe this as the new way of communicating so when you go out socially you know the enviroment and know the people who are attending. Also take it easy, the more people you talk to the more social and comfortable you will be but also make time for yourself so you can recap on how well you've achieved balancing going out and developing skills in communications. When you find this stability and balance it reduces the anxiety to let you feel your in control. T

[jhunter89]

Thank you for your post :)

[NatalieRegina]

It's a weird paradox, isn't it? Here's what I do:

Ask people about themselves. Sounds easy because IT IS. Whenever I'm feeling this, I just engage the first person near me (if I'm at a party, for example) and ask them a question. Sometimes just getting out of my head and talking helps.

Asking about them also makes you more than just the good, likeable person you want to be seen as- the more interested you are, the more interesting you become. People love talking about themselves! If you genuinely ask and act interested in their story, they will almost be drawn to you. I've tried this when I'm really struggling at a social event or in a conversation with someone I don't know very well and it works wonders. It also gets the focus off of you, bonus.

Something else that's helpful to remember is that most people won't harp on or remember much of what you say, they're going to remember how you make them feel. Going back to the above, if you make them feel interesting or entertaining, you will not only make a good connection, you will find yourself feeling much more confident. Win-win.

NR

[jhunter89]

I don't mind so much asking people about themselves, but when they want to know about me my mind goes blank, I mean I don't really do anything that I could have a conversation about, I have a very mundane boring life, it's quite embarrassing really.

[NatalieRegina]

Sure, I get that. It helps to have a few things ready. ("I work at the bank just down the street. Do you know it?" or "I live in Northampton, just down the road a few k's. What about you? Have you lived here all your life?") It's telling them one or two things about you and then diverting it back to them.

ALSO, if you believe your life is mundane and boring right now-OK-but you are on this forum and obviously looking to do something about it. :)

[jhunter89]

I work in a shop so I'm faced with strangers everyday that I have to talk to, you'd have thought it would be so easy by now lol

[NatalieRegina]

If you think about it, that's pretty great- then you've got a ton of opportunities to work on it. And if you fumble your way through one, there's another one coming in the door a few minutes later.