Who could I be?

[daisy84279]

I started thinking today who I could be if I didn't have anxiety. What things would I do if I didn't have this "thing" following me around everywhere al lhe time? I would be able to enjoy life so much more. I wouldn't be afraid to try new things. I would be able to cope with changes and stress better. I have had depression for a little over 10 years now. I think all the depressed and sad thoughts have morphed themselves into racing thoughts, fatigue, loss of concentration, fuzzy feeling, light headed felings, and adrenaline surges. I just feel so out of it all the time. When I was depressed, I couldn't sleep, didn't want to sleep. I was afraid of seeping actually. Now, I love to sleep. It's the one escape I have from the anxiety. I'm only 28 years old, but I feel like I'm 60. I didn't think it would get this bad. I didn't think it would actually interfere with my life like it does now. I think I might make a Dr.s appointment later this month, because I can't do it anymore without medicine. I have taken medicine before, but the anxiety was not this bad. I used to citalopram. But, I need something different now. I know I'm rambling, but I need to write something becasue I'm having an attack right now and I just need something to distdact me. I know I have anxiety, and I know a lot of physical symptoms are from my anxiety. But it's hard to just blame anxiety and not think something else is majorly wrong. I know I don't eat right, I don't drink enough water, I don't exercise, except for walking a lot at work. So, part of me thinks that maybe I just need to change my lifestyle. Maybe the anxiety will go away too. No, I don't think so. My brain has travelled these thought patterns for too long. I feel stuck in this thinking. I almost don't feel human anymore. I don't feel like I can really belong in society. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I just feel so...different from everyone else. I just feel wierd all the time. I think I'm done. Anyone who wants to comment on all this rambling please do so. I just needed something to distract me. Thanks for reading.

[dazza]

Hiya

Why are you having an attack right now? I.e. what started it?

I'm not sure about this "don't drink enough water" business. If the body wants water it normally asks for it (by way of cotton mouth)... therefore I don't see the point in gulping 10 litres a day and spending most the time in the toilet, weeing it out again...

For men, we're supposed to drink about 3 litres (13 cups). For women; 2.2 litres (9 cups)

Cracks me up seeing people sucking on their drinking bottles a hundred times a day like guinea pigs - thinking they're gonna live forever, lol

Why can't you change your diet?
This doesn't mean eat carrots for the rest of your life. All in moderation... a couple of double-quarter-pounders with cheese per week won't hurt you as long as you're getting your RDA fruit & veggies. Make a point of eating at least 2 apples & a nana a day.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"
It aint hard... just buy them and eat them and make a habit of it.
Habits form through regularity... it'll soon kick in.

Walking is one of the best forms of exercise. If you do at least an hour a day then that's pretty good. If not, then ensure you do around an hour.

>part of me thinks that maybe I just need to change my lifestyle

If it's causing you anxiety then DO IT.

Funny though... coz some of happiest people I know are massively fat. They just don't give a shit.
Ok, they may pay for it later on but they can happily say they love life... every minute of it.

I've a feeling you aint gonna relax until you've made some changes. There maybe other stuff going on in your head but lifestyle is clearly one of the major anxieties.

[daisy84279]

Thanks for replying Dazza. I'ts hard to change lifestyle when my parents own a DQ. They have owned a Dairy Queen since I was about 2 years old. I'm not fat, but I could loose a few pounds. Maybe 30. Plus, my second job I work at is in a kitchen, so I'm constantly around food. I do a lot of walking at both my jobs. My job in the kitchen is very physcial since I put a lot of stock away, take out trash, sweep/mop, and I'm always walking.

I think I have a lot of things that cause my anxiety. I have a fear of being around people. I don't like to be around people, I don't like to talk to people. I didn't uise to be this way. And obviously, being around people, I can't avoid. I'm always analyzing their actions, facial expressions, body language, and words to see what they are really saying. To me, everyone has a hidden agenda when they are talking to me. I feel likie everyone is fake around me. That's why I get the feeling of not really belonging in society. All of my anxiety/depression came in high school. I really didn't have any friends, and the ones I thought were my friends, ended up treating me badly. They played jokes on me, and pranks, and to them it was funny, but I'm a serious person. And I didn't like being laughed at. Then came college, where I completely lost my foundation of what I believed. I went to a Christian school growing up and through high school, but now I didn't have that structure anymore. So, my faith was a constant battle. It's hard waking up in the morning, and not really knowing what you believe. Not really feeling like you are here for a purpose. And these thoughts and feelings is what I led to the anxiety and the attacks. I remember in college, and even high school, feeling like people were looking at me weird. Thinking bad things about me. I couldn't walk down the hall the the next class without feeling awkward. I feel like I'm always under a microscope.

[NatalieRegina]

Daisy,

I totally understand where that could have started for you in high school. Girls can be awful to each other. I felt the same way in junior high and it's stayed with me since then (I'm now 28). Sometimes it helps to remember that when you're feeling anxious, try to figure out what negative thought or idea is causing it (ex. I'm awkward around people, I'm vulnerable, Nobody is real with me). Most of those thoughts are coming from you years ago! They are old thoughts and they aren't serving you anymore. Knowing that doesn't make them go away, though.

I see that you're in Indiana so, depending on where you're at, I have an oddball suggestion. Second City (Chicago) has a class that's called improv for anxiety or something like that. I've taken classes there (nobody knew I had anxiety) and it completely changed my life. A ton of my classmates had social anxiety, depression, were experiencing divorce, career change, etc.- all across the board. But this class is cool, because you do improv exercises with a teacher for half of it and the other half you work with a psychologist, using what you learned.

Maybe this is too far away for you, but I thought I'd mention it. Seriously, it helped me so much. They have shorter classes, too, if you are far away and can only come for a weekend or something like that. They also have scholarships if that's an issue. Check it out, girl, trust me. It's worth a look. Good luck to you. :)