When people feel distant/unreal

[claes123]

I've recently begin to feel like my girlfriend is distant from me, kinda like derealization, but only happens towards her. No matter how physically close we are, I feel like there's an invisible shield around me that is not letting me 100% enjoy her presence, feels like she's unreal and like a dream. I know it sounds a lot like derealization, but again, it only happens when it's about HER, I don't feel like I'm in a dreamy state all the time. Maybe it's some sort of OCD? I don't know, it's very very hard to put what I'm feeling in words, but I really hope someone can give me a piece of advice. I love her really much and we've been together for over 2 years now, the idea of getting anxious every time I'm near her is making me sick, I'm scared I'll never be able to feel completely happy by her side again.

[Tristanayoubi]

Here we go bud. This is my second day, feeling no anxiety at all and it feels amazing.. I like to tell myself that I've "cured" myself. However, i still remember all the symptoms/problems I had. This was one of them. I had a thing with this girl, and we would always talk all day everyday. One day she text me after I texted her 5 times..
I was thinking she was just done with me without telling me. I ended up telling her about my anxiety and what was causing me to think she was being distant, then she became well "mine"... basically, if you haven't told her yet, tell her! She'll understand.

[claes123]

Here we go bud. This is my second day, feeling no anxiety at all and it feels amazing.. I like to tell myself that I've "cured" myself. However, i still remember all the symptoms/problems I had. This was one of them. I had a thing with this girl, and we would always talk all day everyday. One day she text me after I texted her 5 times..
I was thinking she was just done with me without telling me. I ended up telling her about my anxiety and what was causing me to think she was being distant, then she became well "mine"... basically, if you haven't told her yet, tell her! She'll understand.

But I don't mean distant in that way. I mean distance like as if she's like a dream, not really real. Like no matter how close we are, feels like I can't "feel" her.

[camilla91]

Hello :) glad to meet someone with the same madness as me, your suffering with depersonalisation do NOT look it up or think about it because it will never go away, this is happening because your so nervous around this girl your detatching yourself! Its a coping mechanism, your brain thinks ur in danger and is detatching u, to cure is to ignore! I'll write again soon fone gunna die lol

[claes123]

Hello :) glad to meet someone with the same madness as me, your suffering with depersonalisation do NOT look it up or think about it because it will never go away, this is happening because your so nervous around this girl your detatching yourself! Its a coping mechanism, your brain thinks ur in danger and is detatching u, to cure is to ignore! I'll write again soon fone gunna die lol

I thought it may be depersonalization, but like I said in the original post, it only happens with her. I don't feel detached to anything else, I don't feel like in a dream or something. The one and only thing I experience is this detached feeling towards her, feels like I'm not emotionally connected to her. And I find it hard to believe that I'm getting nervous around her since we've been together for over 2 years.

[camilla91]

I just read your first post properly, I was on the bus and only saw 'unreal, detatched' so thought I'll help! LOL right, since you've been together 2 years is an odd one isn't it? I get the same with my partner and I've been with him 5 years! Like there's no connection, no feeling, I can't explain it, like theyre there but there no comfort in it? We must be missing something then? What do we have in common.. I love him and I know I do but I don't feel it, its like he's a stranger to me is it the same with you?

[dazza]

A general feeling of detatchment from the outside during times of anxiety is absolutely common-place.

From a biological perspective, your brain is pre-occupied with dealing with your anxiety and the fears thereof, thus it is somewhat vacant in it's normal processing of surroundings.

Sure - your peripheral senses (vision, smell, etc.) still work, but any emotion which is normally connected with these senses are not applied.

Anxiety is number 1 priority. Why? well... simple really... fear or survival is your top-level, primal function, so you can forget about emotion while this shit is going down.

If it is JUST your partner that you experience this with, then there could be a few reasons for this.

Examples:

1. You're scared of losing them, ironically because of your condition - causing anxiety
2. You're actually NOT in love with them anymore - causing anxiety
3. You're actually OVERLY in love with them - causing anxiety
4. It's been your turn to do the washing up for over 8 months now - causing anxiety

[camilla91]

LOL probably rhe washing up for me! LOL mines abit different to just being with one person, its constant, all day everyday, I get a few good minutes a day but that's about it, but its getting easier to live with so I'm not really that bothered! Lol it does come on worse around my partner but that it.. I like your advice though! No-ones put it like that before, makes a lot of sense!

[jhunter89]

I got number 3 fo sho

[claes123]

I just read your first post properly, I was on the bus and only saw 'unreal, detatched' so thought I'll help! LOL right, since you've been together 2 years is an odd one isn't it? I get the same with my partner and I've been with him 5 years! Like there's no connection, no feeling, I can't explain it, like theyre there but there no comfort in it? We must be missing something then? What do we have in common.. I love him and I know I do but I don't feel it, its like he's a stranger to me is it the same with you?

Yes. That's exactly the same feeling, I KNOW I love her deeply, there is no doubt about it, that's what make it so scary.

Thank you, Dazza. Your post makes sense and it helps a lot.

[luckydog]

I know I am distant from pretty much everyone. But somehow I like it that way. My hobbies are solitary activities. I have a few friends I keep in touch with...but prefer it to be just me and the luckygirl.