Bad night bad day

[jessy]

My family came over today & we were all supposed to be going out for a meal & I ended up
Having a full blown panic attack , they have all gone without me because I was such a state I couldn't go , please don't ask me why I was in such a mess because I really do not know . My son who is 12 must feel so embarrassed by me & god knows what my brother & nephew think !

I feel such a let down to everyone & so so stupid , this is why I avoid these situations in case this happens & it did !!!

I've had 2mg lorazapam , yesterday I had to have 6mg throughout the day I felt that bad .
Nothing has happened to bring this on so ferociously ,
I'm ABSOLUETLY shattered & feel hopeless :-(

[jhunter89]

If you've explained to them about your illness, I'm sure they'll all understand, although I think one of them should of stayed with u! Do u feel worse when your alone or with people you know and trust?

[jessy]

I feel very lonely but then also find it hard being with people aswell .
I feel at least if I'm alone , they don't have to suffer me .
They've had to put up with my anxiety & depression long enough , I don't want to burden them any more .
I have no friends because of this bitch of an illness . It is a living hell
At times x

[jessy]

P.s I feel embarrassed , especially in front of my son who's 12 , I feel stupid & embarrassed that a 32 yr old woman is a total
Wreck to anxiety . Everyone else manages to cope , I feel like a stupid child , shameful
Pathetic

[jhunter89]

I've felt like that at times. "I feel so bad for you having to put up with this crying lump of jelly" I'm sure your family don't see you that way x

[jessy]

I think they do !

[kzac]

What meds do u take? are you on ADs?

Kellyx

[Enduronman]

Dear Jessy,

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with such "high anxiety' extremes and issues related to this condition. I'm going to type now, as I feel, as I think, as it needs to be said and also heard and understood by many and especially you because this is creating more tension, fear, self-doubt, low-esteem, and from what I see a sense of helplessness too. It is post like these that piss me off, I don't like to be pissed off because someone will usually pay the price for this. If I get it out, lay it out, type it out, then Viking Man has alot less of a chance to create difficulty for me or anyone I may encounter this day.

First off. This (lorazepam) is a benzodizepine. It it also the only single (1) benzo that has had the most reports of having a (paradoxical effect) over any of the benzo's available. This means that this medication has been shown to more frequently do just the opposite of its intende purpose then any of the other (anti-anxiety) medications in this class. The likelihood of dependence is that of the same with any other benzo also. The (paradoxical effect) is well documented in many cases involving this specific benzo then any other. It in itself can actually "heighten anxiety, increase tension, increase hostility, anger, rage"...

My suggestions to you. Go back to the Dr. asap. Request a change of this drug in this same class of anti-anxiety meds. I would also suggest trying (alprazolam) instead as this particular benzo has anti-depressant/anti-anxiety effects and capability.

I personally think that it is the medication itself that is creating this nightmare for you. It is not true in every single case, but from reading your post at the fact that 2mg did nothing and you took 6mg, if I read that right with no positive effects...then I don't need to be a genious to figure this one out.

(Paradoxical effects) are rare and unusual with the use of (alprazolam) and that is also well documented too..

Just something for you to ponder, but not to long as you may be on the road to actual stability in a very short time. Trial and error..This one is marked down as an error so just keep rolling with the punches..Make a change for your own good, and also so I don't feel like tearing something apart too!

Goodluck to you friend!

Enduronman...

[jessy]

Thank you Endrouman ,
I will ask my g.p about switching benzo's .
I think because I've struggled on & off with depression & anxiety for so long , it's a real knock back ,just when I think I've got a hold on it , I have a relapse which makes me feel more hopeless than ever .
I just want to be normal & happy & be a good mum & wife , instead I'm a wreck . I know it will pass , it's just such a dissapointment when it returns .
I feel bad for letting my family down & bad for not being a good enough mother & wife .i feel guilty & so flipping lonely
Any how I shall battle on
Jessy x

[jessy]

Kzac
Yes I take an A/D called Dosulepin x

[dazzadoo123]

i fully understand the anxiety and depression beast ..its awefull its no quality of life ,it does me in every day its nightmare, i have 2 children and i find it so hard to keep going every day feeling like a bucket of crap , the physical symptons are torture plus the unwanted thoughts its fcking cruel as fck ...i so understand what your going threw but dont no the answers to the solutitions .. only as i struggle most days myself..my partner try,s to understand but only can to a point a think as unless youve experianced this then its hard to really understand how bad it is :-( its made me a bot agraphobic aswell lately which is sad as a year ago i liked going out and about, i just wanted to say i fully understand and drop me a message anytime as i log in and out alot.
dazza..
hang in there the storm will pass one day it has too ....

[jessy]

Thanks dazzadoo , it is unbearable at times , I know it will pass eventually , it's a cruel illness & saps everything out of life .

Hope you feel better soon

My motto
From Finding Nemo
" Just keep swimming , just keep swimming "

Jessy

[Enduronman]

Hey Jessy,

that anti-depressant that you presently take is "pre-historic' too!..It is why many of the newer and less potent or powerful anti-depressants were chemically synthesized as well. (tricyclic anti-deps were developed in the 50's)...Which means why does you Dr. have you on this particular class also??????... Also, this type of anti-dep in this class has been shown, proven, tested, to produce more side effects then the newer SSRI's, SNRI's, SSNRI's....One of the most common side effects of (tricyclics) are ANXIETY.... WOW!

The answers to all this up, down, sideways, across, panic, anxiety, depression, mania, manic, to this, to that...may just be right in front of you in a bottle!...

GGGGRRRRRRRR! RUFF! BOW WOW!! GRRRRRR!


Enduronman...:/

[Enduronman]

Gimme the address of your GP. I have a surprise for him...He will feel a slight constriction around his neck areas and regions for less then 1 minute before the lights go out.. A gift, from VikingMan...No charge.

[Enduronman]

Holy f**k Jessy!!! Nothing is dialed in right!!! Literally NOTHING!!!! Get into his office before I DO!!! :/

[jessy]

I've been on all sorts of diff med's in the past , I'm a mess just now , can't even get out the house . I can hardly breath , can't stop
Crying & feel utterly shit .
My hub just rang from work & asked " Ffs can you not have one normal day !"
He's no idea of the turmoil I'm in , I'm so unhappy & so lonely it's torture

[Enduronman]

You gotta get in the Dr office and throw those meds down and say RESTART! Tricyclics and ativan are not your mix, not working for your systems, not meeting your needs or demands...They just are not dialed in, to fit you.. You gotta MAKE this change happen, to help you, provide a forward motion, a positive motion...Get in there ASAP please and quit puttin yourself and your family through this turmoil..

Pick yourself up an GO!!! PLEASE!!! (I rarely say that)...but in your case, you have no other option. Pull yourself outta this horrifying pit of despair..NOW!

Thank You!

Enduronman...

[kzac]

Yes Jessy please get back to the doc or if you can see another one!! An understanding doc is half the battle! Have you been offered cbt ? It wont work at the min but when you have stabilised on decent meds its a real help. Keep telling yourself your going to be ok because you are!

Kellyx

[aforce]

try visualization and deep relaxation ...this will relax you ....once you will be in normal anxiety level ...you will definitely find a way , solution .....