pfffffft.. I hate mornings.. and tuna -_-

[camilla91]

Gunna star my complaining early today. I feel shit. I don't even think I've got that much anxiety anymore maybe its just depression? That's sinking feeling when you wake up. Grrr. Why can't I get up and feel great? Think fuck all these mad feelings I feel good so I don't care. But no, I've got up and wallowed. I enjoy wallowing every now and again, but not today, I only like to wallow when I can, I like to wallow quite happily at night time.. I ate half a tuna sandwich last night.. Got up this morning panicking because 'its in my system now and I can't get it out' I've ate tuna most my bloody life and its never bloody hurt me before what the hell?! And tunas supposed t be good for anxiety so why bloody panic! Oh well back to brown bread and weetabix for me -_- maybe I pushed myself a bit too soon? Very much fighting the urge to go back to bed for the day.. But got that interview at 2 so I'm not going to.. I'm also fighting the urge to go gym and work out until the tunas out my system.. Why did I let my life get like this? Also my mentally ill mother rang me and 10 to 6 this morning and left a voicemail.. No doubt an abusive one.. I'm not going to listen to it.. I miss my mum.. A lot.. But she's just turned into an illness now, not my mum, she's let the illness take over, and the nurses in that stupid hospital have no interest in helping her.. I'm considering legal action.. One of the reasons I want to work with mentally ill is because of them. I still see flashes of my mum through the illness, its like she's given up, she's just let it take over. Worse thing in the world. There's the root of my fears right there, she's ill, she's let it get her, the nurses aren't helping her = my worst fear.
I'm going to battle through today because that's what its going to be. A battle. I'm going to turn this into a positive day. Not a depressing wallowing day. Its going to be a long one. Any advice for me?