Hi from Melody

[Melody]

I've joined the forum because I'm looking for information about my anxiety.
These are my symptoms.

Something will trigger a worrying thought. There's usually something real about this thought so I can't simply dismiss it.
The thought then takes over. I can't get it out of my mind, I can't think of anything else....if I manage, the worry returns very soon after.
The worry will grow out of all proportion to the reality of the situation. I know this but the worry is still there.
I feel depressed and unable to do anything constructive about the problem.
In time, the worry fades but can easily be triggered again.

I've found that finding out the facts helps to stop the worry - facing the fear I guess. My GP has also had me on anti depressants which do help.

My symptoms have been much worse recently and I'm not sure why. I had been quite ill and during that time they disappeared and I felt calm most of the time. Now I'm starting to recover - bang, the anxiety is back!

I don't have many of the symptoms others have - for example I've never felt to be having a heart attack. I do shake and tremble and this last week have had episodes of mild shock - completely out of all proportion to the situation. I also have great difficulty in sleeping as these thoughts are so intrusive.

I don't know what to label them and I'd like to find out.
I also have a low lying depression - it's there all the time, no matter what the situation is, and has been since I was a child. My dad was diagnosed as being bi-polar 10 years ago, and I read something about children of bi-polar adults can suffer from a type of depression - but I forget the name!

I'm tired of living with depression and anxiety that is so forceful that it affects my life. I asked my GP about counselling but he said there was a 6 year waiting list. I can't afford to go privately.

Thank you for reading! :)

[juliana]

Hi Melody. Welcome!

I can relate to worries spiralling out of control. Here are some things that work for me:

I play the "what if" game. What if my worry comes true? Would it be the end of the world or would I be able to cope with it?

I also focus on the nature of my worries and categorize them into worries I can do something about and worries that are futile. If it's something I can do something about, the solution is to work on a plan. If it's something that's beyond my control, I remind myself it's not worth the aggro of worrying. Worrying about uncontrollable things is so freaking stressful. It's like trying to control the weather.

When logic doesn't work -- and it often doesn't -- I focus on distraction. I do this a lot when I'm trying to fall asleep. That's when my worries are most likely to spiral out of control. I give my brain a task to work on so the worries can't sneak in. I do things like alphabetize world capitals or Coronation Street characters or do math problems. It sounds crazy, but it keeps my mind focused on something other than a maelstrom of worries and I'm able to fall asleep. I used to wake up at 4AM with the worries spinning out of control. It's like they had been gathering strength, lying in wait, and BAMMO they would wake me up and be so out of control none of my coping techniques worked. It was like a sneak-attack, a full-on assault when I wasn't prepared and still half-asleep. Medication has put a stop to that. I'm so thankful for that!

I tend to be one of those people who seems to NEED something to worry about though. If I stop worrying about one thing, something new will crop up to take its place. I've been this way since I was a little girl. I can remember worrying that my family would turn into werewolves (because my sister told me it could happen), worrying about sleep walking and getting myself locked in the dryer and suffocating, worrying about horrible diseases, famine, breast cancer took over when I hit junior high, then AIDS and student loans when I was in my 20s, etc. ... Antidepressants have helped, but challenging the worries and focusing my mind in other directions have really helped too.

Thanks for sharing. I look forward to getting to know you better.

P.S. We also have different symptoms of anxiety. My panic attacks have never made me feel like I'm having a heart attack. I actually DID have a minor heart attack, but that was never one of my panic symptoms. My panic attacks mainly manifested themselves physically as nausea and an inability to swallow.

[Melody]

Hi juliana,
Thanks for your reply. What you said made so much sense.

I do use distractions, like you say they help to push the intrusive thoughts out of my mind. At night I also listen to music or even watch TV to help myself sleep.

Like you, I've worried since I was a child. For some reason I used to worry about not having water to drink - there was absolutely no basis to that worry, yet it was a great concern of mine.
As I grew older we learnt about the Great Plague of London - that gave me a good deal to worry about. Again, for no logical reason.

As I've grown older my worries now seem to have just a little bit of realism in them, enough for me not to dismiss them altogether. One way for me to test them is to challenge myself to contact a professional to discuss the worry (if, for example, I thought I may have infected myself with some dreadful illness, I decide whether to make an appointment with the doctor).
In most cases that helps.
Another tactic is to look at it from an opposite point of view. I imagine, for example, having to prove to someone that I had this dreadful illness and could make a financial claim. The 'evidence' then often slips away!

My biggest concern is after being almost worry-free for several years, the attacks are back, even worse than before. I'm taking the anti-d's and know that it will take time for them to kick in.

Thanks again, it's so nice to talk to someone who can relate to what I'm saying (even though I wouldn't wish this on anyone!)

[juliana]

I used to worry about running out of water too. LOL. That went hand in hand with my childhood fears of famine. It was drought AND famine!

I love your tactic of trying to imagine you have to PROVE your fear to someone else in court. That's a great way to challenge a fear. That's brilliant! I'm going to try that one.

Keep us posted. I hope the meds kick in and help you feel better soon. I'm glad you've joined us.