Social fear stopping me from doing anything I want to try?

[Mrbucket]

Basically, I feel nervous most of my life going places because I think people are always watching me, waiting for me to do something stupid to make fun of me. Usually, I have to stop myself from thinking that because I know this isn't true but that fear and the feeling of being rejected makes me hate people and myself. I tried talking to my parents about this and they don't understand exactly how I feel.

This fear also makes me look lazy because it feels like it sucks the energy right out of me due to worrying. My anxiety also gets worse than this, I get scared of losing friends due to my horrible communication skills. I have a speech impediment and a bit of a stutter(nervous) when I talk. I don't want to get a job but I do. Every time, I go to and try to get one I feel my mind is poisoning me with anxiety. I want to be optimistic but I am pessimistic. I don't want to be but it seems as if, I have no choice in the matter. It makes me lose all hope. I know this wasn't just something I was born with more like I learned this. It feels as if, my brain developed this self- defense mechanism because of me being bullied when I was little.

I don't want to take medication because I am too scared of taking pills, thinking that it is going to kill me. I want to learn a way to change my way of thinking, and conquer these feelings.

[jhunter89]

I feel the same. I have an intense hatred of people because of the way I feel when I'm around them, but also so desperate inside for them to like me and accept me. I work in a shop so I am faced with this everyday. It's only because I'm good friends with the manager that I'm still working there probably! I have the worst communication skills, I'm shit at explaining things to people. I come across as rude and ignorant but I just don't know how to respond to people when theyre talking to me. If I have to say more than a few words I sometimes stutter and my cheeks burn red. I'm scared to try new things as i think people are watching me and judging me. I hate my voice it makes me cringe.

[anxiouspilot]

I feel similar to this also, except my stomach gets in knots and I feel crampy and I need to get the heck out. I want to avoid medication too since I feel like I will take it and go into shock and seizures and die.