View Full Version : Does anyone find it really hard to maintain eye contact in c
02-28-2007, 01:28 AM
Just wondering if anyone has a similar problem to me. When in a conversation with people or in a group setting, does anyone find maintaining eye contact really hard? When someone is speaking to me or I am speaking to them I find that for the past 8 years I have been looking away after only 3 seconds, I find it so hard to do, like almost impossible, I feel that I am being far too intense with a person, I feel intimidated, my eyes become very wide and I lose focus, I cant concentrate on what they are saying or what I am saying, it feels horrible and so I just dont speak and if I do i look down or pretend I am doing something like looking at my phone or some papers or reading something.... it feels horrible because I can sense people feeling hurt or offended, they must feel so ignored because they dont understand that I have social phobia/anxiety/depression, I do try to hide it and it does work but when people see the way I interact in conversation they must think I am so wierd... does anyone else feel this way? Anyone who wants to add me to msn feel free, I am looking for pen pals, friends, support... I can offer the same for anyone who is suffering social anxiety/phobia/depression.
02-28-2007, 01:01 PM
That happens to me with a lot of people. Probably most actually. I feel like I shouldn't look them in the eye, because it makes the conversation seem intense or something. I know it's good to, but I'm just like you with looking people in the eyes. I don't have to look at papers and stuff, but I look around then back at them then around. I don't like it.
03-04-2007, 09:47 PM
The less you think about it, the more natural it becomes. I know. Easier said than done.
This isn't something I have experienced very often. I did have one rather difficult experience with this, though. I was being interviewed for a job and one of the women interviewing me was wall-eyed. One eye went up and to the left and the other one went down and to the right. Every time she asked me a question, I didn't know where to look. I felt like I should make eye contact because we were having a conversation. At the same time, I felt like looking at her eyes would make her self-conscious about her condition. I was trying to act like I didn't notice, but it was so hard. I eventually decided to just focus on her nose. That way, it looked like I was making eye contact.
So, have you tried looking at people's noses or eyebrows when you're talking to them? I know it sounds weird, but they'll probably think you're making eye contact.
03-05-2007, 01:04 AM
thanks for your replies :-) appreciate it.
music lover, seems like we both have a very similiar problem, although mine may be a little more severe, I feel like its almost impossible to maintain the eye contact like its a life and death type feeling, sounds crazy, but I feel like it doesnt get much better, the only time I feel like i can do it is if i know the person really really well and if ive had something to drink that also helps.
julianna, I have tried looking at other features on the face yes and i find that by even looking at them there I am still being too intense, like that they know can tell I am focusing on that part of their face and i lose concentration on what they are saying bcos im making sure i focus on that part of their face, does that make sense? its very strange, i feel like maybe i need to try hypnosis to try and get some comfort and relaxation from peoples eyes, its very horrible to go through this because alot of people become offended and feel ignored and I feel horrible, its very hard because I have a boyfriend and ive explained the problem to him but he is still quite hurt, but is being patient thankfully, i just dont know what to do about it.
Thanks again for your replies... has anyone ever tried hypnotherapy? any success?
03-23-2007, 02:35 PM
I also have difficulty looking people in the eye. I don't have trouble with people I am very close to (close family/friends), but with strangers, classmates, or group situations, it can be very uncomfortable for me. In fact, I finally spoke to my doctor about my anxiety problems yesterday, and I was very conscious of not wanting to look her in the eye. It's very disturbing for me because I know it isn't natural and I worry that others think I'm not focusing on what they are saying.
03-29-2007, 04:56 PM
I have the same problem too,
its weird.... i make eye contact for a second and then look down, its so stragne... i feel like if i keep looking at them... that i'm like staring at them or something.... but how do other people do it
a lot of times when i'm talking to some one in a conversation, i look at something behind them,... then the person will look behind them to see what i am looking at! ha.. and i want to be like, i'm just trying to avoid looking at you! ha....
i wonder if there is anything online stating how to properlly make eye contact?, i'm a grown woman and should be able to look at someone in the eye
04-01-2007, 10:05 AM
hello all, new member.
I have always been a confident, outgoing person and, this might sound stupid, but i did pride myself on my ability to give a firm hanshake and make lots of eye contact with everyone i met. Recently i've started suffering from this social anxiety, and i cant even look my mum in the eye. i feel that this has effected a massive part of my personality and i cant get on with people like i used to. You are all definatly not alone, lets just hope we get better, we don't deserve this and best of luck to everyone in sorting this horrible ilness out.
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