Is this anxeity or what is it?

[jUSTIN85]

Greetings all




Hey guys i was wondering could you give me some insight on what im feeling and possibly how to cope with it?



Ok I have alot of trigger points but i will start with the main one thats been killing me lately ok 3yrs ago at my brothers wedding i was his best man and he treated me very badly he called me some really ugly things he made cracks at my weight and mental condition and also financial situation i believe he did this because his wife he is marrying is very unattractive and he know his family makes cracks about her when he is not around. so i believe he wanted to divert the attention of him self and put it on me.


but its been 3 years and i still feel real bad feelings about it i really don't like my own brother and its interfering with my day to day life i cant study or exercise with out getting all worked up nervous and anxious it also affects my sleep the last 3 weeks its been really bad and i have had several doctors visits.


another trigger point when i was younger i was heavy off into marijuana all through high school and i believe i only started using marijuana to make up for low self esteem and probably anxiety, but the weed made me do very strange things it added to my awkwardness it made me socially akward and made me say and do things quite off color and strange this behavior lasted for years all the way in to my first job were i made a complete jerk of my self all because i was uncomfortable and scared to be social and when i was social it was very off key and i often faced teasing because of this, i now know that weed made me socially estranged from people and also former close family members who don't really care for me anymore. this also gets me worked up effects my day to day living as well i actually did a stint in a mental hospital because of paranoia and anxiety and things like that. i was prescribed many medications like risperdone and others.the main ones IM taking know are risperdal 3mgs and i was taken off of Prozac and gave paxil today to help me feel normal again.

and here are some other things i feel now many years later after all this has taken place.im very withdrawn from life i pretty much alienated all my friends because i was so shy and akward i didn't want have to compete with them. even still when they see me they still say hi and i try to rumble through the conversation.i avoid as much interaction as i can with people i don't feel comfortable with and for this the lesser of family members call me names behind my back which really makes me want to take a stand and cause a confrontation.

but with that all being said i want to be normal and enjoy life and get rid of these miserable feelings and feel good again
my shrink says its anxiety because i think about it all the time and it causes me grief and she said i should be over it by now i know something is wrong but i cant seem to fix it. so maybe someone can give me some outside advice that deals with this type of thing or has experienced this.

Thanks for reading my story and any response would be highly appreciated it


Justin

[Enduronman]

Hey Justin85,

Yer a complex young fella for sure..Alot of grief, agony, despair, resentment, anger, frustration,..Most all of which was NOT created by yourself. They were "externally related charges of environmental stress inputs that created traumatic events, instances, occasions that your mind won't let go of"...(out of breathe saying all that).. Although, in my first sentence I stated that "yer a complex young fella"..yer actually just the opposite.

You are making "these external issues, internalized" and in doing so, you relive them over, and over, and over like a skipping record..Complete re-runs of the same program within your own mind. If I was forced to watch the exact same tv show every night, or forced to listen to the same song everyday, or forced to re-live any moment from my past, over, and over, and over...Then I too would be in the EXACT same place that you are...A complete flusterkluck trainwreck..Pardon my English, but you asked...

So, here is "some insight to help you cope with it" and "outside advice" from CyberDine world:

1. My own past life, was 40 times more horrifying then anything you'd ever wish to know or see. Do I re-live the traumatic moments? NO...no point. What's done, is done, and the past can never be changed, fixed, altered, or adjusted so I do not re-call or re- live any of it. It has all been discarded and deleted.
2. Your triggers? Are anything that you see, feel, touch, sense, smell, hear..Why? Because it "switches on" the replay button..regardless of what the trigger was. Your mind returns yet again,,,to the same place it keeps going...only to find 0.. There's nothing there to find anyway.
3. You have no options but to force your mind, to let go of the past...all of it. If you don't, you will remain stuck, stalled, stranded, in no mans land for as long as you allow it.
4. Psych wards and risperdal arent going to fix this one, you are..
5. You have had "several Dr visits"...What did you learn in any of them?..Nothing useful of course...Imagine that. Why? Because they have never "existed" in our world..They can not see, feel, sense, understand, empathize, with anything you have shared with them, told them...They are not at fault, they are just doing their best with all of their books, classes, studies, testing, learned skills to TRY to help people like us..
6. If you want to find you, you gotta go out and find yourself. You are the only (1) that can, no one else..They can point you there, here, over there, and somewhere else, to someone else but none of them know how to find YOU.

It isn't as complicated as it may appear.

You asked, that's what I returned..

Goodluck on your hunting trip!

Best wishes,
Endorphin Man..(aka Enduronman...:)....