Anxiety and daily workplace bullying...

[n1ck13]

Hi all,

I'm new to this site but the reason that has brought me here is because I am being bullied at work, and this has led me to depression and anxiety. Recently I had my first panic attack and it scared the hell out of me.. I thought I was coping (sort of) but clearly not...now I'm anxious about having another one on top of everything else that sets my heart racing and consumes my thoughts.. How do you stop yourself letting anxiety and depression ruin your day?? How do you "just ignore" or "not let" bullying get to you?!

[Pantherschik]

Easier said than done I am afraid .... well for everyone is different, but I for one don't cope very well with "just ignoring" ......

Remove yourself from the situation perhaps? have you thought about changing jobs?

[n1ck13]

Yeah I'm on the hunt for a new job now, seeing my boss's don't want to help :/ but it's the meantime that makes life hard.. Until I find that new job I have to put up with this crap..

[Pantherschik]

ok so don't you hate it when you write a reply and your damn internet drops out .... *sigh*

Ok so what was I saying ... oh yes ... It is hard when the management involve doesn't seem to want to help ... and it does sometimes take some time to find a new job.

Can I ask what you do for your job? Is it one where you have to work directly with people? or can you remove yourself and work on your own?

[n1ck13]

I work in a very small shop and quite often it is just me and my bully..alone! I am full time and she is part time and the rest of the staff are casual so to seperate us but keep our hours is nearly impossible (I might also add that I am my bully's manager :/ but every decision I make my boss's undermine because they are scared of my bully, they tell me to "not make waves" and "keep her happy" they tell me to "just ignore her" and do my job..

[dazza]

What kinda bullying? and be honest... is it REALLY bullying?

Hear me out...

(I'm assuming you're young)

In most workplaces, there's a heirachy of people, often to do with age, experience and status.

The more experienced, older generation tend to give the young'uns a hard time, since the youg'uns think they know it all and the elders feel the young'uns need to go through the same shit that they once did. (Selfish really, but it's life)

What feels like bullying is probably nothing more than the elders massaging their own ego's, or taking their shit out on you... just because they can.

It's absolutely harmless and is not meant in a personal way. It's the way the cookie crumbles.

You need to stay in-line / do as you're told / ignore the mocking / do your job well and ALL will be fine.

One day the shoes will be on the other foot and you'll be the elder doing the same to the rookies.

Cycle of life...

[n1ck13]

My bulky is the same age as me...

[dazza]

Ahhh, ok... forget my last message.

Your situation is not quite how I expected.

To fight it would mean a big, uphill struggle (but not insurmountable)

To go along with it means things will never change.

To get another job is probably the best solution.

Another, perhaps more twisted and unorthodox method is to try and make friends with the offending person!?

[n1ck13]

She is the type of person that once she feels you have done wrong by her you can quote "go and suck a fat one and get f*d" I know this because we were "friends" once and she has treated others the way she is treating me :/ my boss's have admitted that the manager before me had the same issues. I dont necessarily want to get a new job but I can't handle the fear anymore. 10 mins before she comes in my heart is racing, I stew over in my mind what I have to say to her and I shake when I have to talk to her...do you know how hard it is to go to work day in day out and be completely ignored, even when you say hi how are you?! She piffs things at me and snaps at me even infront of others..

[Pantherschik]

I have those feelings about a girl that I work with, where my heart starts racing and I get agitated and stressed , but thankfully for me I can withdraw from it as I can work on my own away from her, and really have nothing to do with her ...

A workplace should be a somewhat happy environment though as you spend (if full time) a large part of your life with these people ..

Something should be said about your bosses though, especially if they say that the previous manager before you had the same issues ... There is a common denominator here ..

I would fire her ass ... obviously it's what she wants, she acts like this to get her away, and is succeeding

[dazza]

> "go and suck a fat one and get f*d"

oooh my god, I just fell off my chair larfin' at this...

Oh, jeeeez <wipes tear away>

Sorry, I know it isn't funny for you. Going to work shouldn't be like this for anyone.
It's the bastard managers fault for not taking action... perhaps you should speak to someone further up the chain? (I would)

If everyone else is already aware of her behaviour then at least you have them on your side already.

[n1ck13]

*sigh* sadly I have tried that too.. But I've been told there is nothing they can do, it's upto each store..

P.s I'm glad you got some amusement from this thread.. Seriously :)

[dazza]

Have you spoken to an advice centre about it? (e.g. citizens advice?)

Seriously, your work have a lawful duty to correct these situations.

Please take a look at this:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/ResolvingWorkplaceDisputes/DiscriminationAtWork/DG_10026670

[n1ck13]

Thanks, I don't know if I'm emotionally able to take any serious steps tho, I fear that she will turn it back onto me, she could spin so many lies if she wanted to, I just don't know if it's worth it. I'm anxious enough now :/

[Pantherschik]

Is she attractive ?

The reason I ask is I find that alot of girls whom are intimidating (work and social) are fairly attractive, and they know it, so they use this to get their own way and 9 out of 10 times they win :(

[n1ck13]

Yes.. And yes she knows

[surfacing]

Line up a new job, then give them an ultimatum - her or me.Then you've got nothing to lose, but you're not just running away, you're telling them how it is. Would they rather lOse a manager, or a part time worker?

Also, I know it might sound ridiculous, but just because you've had a panic attack doesn't mean you're not coping. Maybe you are coping in your own way with a lot of emotional distress and pain. Panic likes to tell us we're not coping - but you're lOoking for a new job and you're asking for advice.

They should totally fire her.

[n1ck13]

So I copped a nasty message from my boss this morning for taking 2 sick days last week, even tho I have a doctors certificate and Sick days which I am entitled to take...the pays were very high because they had to replace me while I was gone! Seriously, wtf! Like that's my fault or my problem! Rant over...

[Pantherschik]

ok that's a bit harsh , you're entitled to those sick days and you had a doctors certificate ...
I am not sure where you are, but here in Australia, you are actually entitled to two sick days in a row without a doctors certificate and they still have to pay you....

This doesn't sound fair at all .... the sooner you leave the better I think ...

Easier said than done I know ..

[n1ck13]

So my day has gone from shit, to uncontrollable crying and depression! Apart from trying my hardest to ignore my anxiety due to being bullied, I have had an asshole bring me to my absolute lowest. Long story short, one of our suppliers decided to take his bad mood out on me and then going to my staff to bitch about it but of course, be chose my bully to talk to ;( is it me? The whole world hates me!! I just can't win! I've seriously had enough I don't want to do this anymore ;( ;( ;(

[surfacing]

You're in a bad place. Be strong if you can. You are 100% entitled to work in an environment that doesn't make you miserable. You MUST tell them that. Tell them you are leaving if it doesn't get sorted. If they call your bluff, fine. You will still have taken the initiative.
Sick days can be a real clincher. I lost my job recently because I had been making a lot of mistakes and then had an anxiety attack at work. I think it was also because I had some time off sick. Within a month I went from glowing review and a payrise and an iphone to being dismissed. They'll use whatever they can. If you've taken time off sick they might decide you're weak. But if there is this bully making you weak, then that is not your fault. You need to get out of this situation one way or another, and if you make your views and feelings known in the process and try to take back some power then you are being strong. People who are not anxious say what they think, tell people what they need and what they want, and don't worry about putting upon other people. Use your anger positively instead of turning it inwards - I don't mean blow up at people (you need to take some time to breathe before you do ANYTHING), but put your foot down, in whatever way you can. And don't go off sick again, you clearly need the rest but you will come back feeling paranoid and vulnerable that people have been talking about you behind your back etc. Stay or leave, but don't try to sit on the fence.

[surfacing]

Well, actually, you can go off sick - you're entitled to that. But people can be real shits about it.

[n1ck13]

My partner won't let me leave my job without having another to go to ;(

[dazza]

My partner won't let me leave my job without having another to go to ;(

Not an overly sympathetic partner then!?

Hmmmm...

Only one person who can sort this out me old mucker & thats you. Sometimes in life we face some real challenges. The peeps who take those challenges on & defeat are the winners.Those who shy away & get beaten by the challenges lose out.
Time to get tough & show who's boss?

[surfacing]

My partner won't let me leave my job without having another to go to ;(

Turn that around - is it true? Say to yourself, 'I won't let myself leave without having another job to go to.'

Ultimately it is you who makes your own decisions. I think that phrase is quite empowering. Or you can choose to decide that's not what you want and you want to leave right away. It's your choice. You have the power to do either.

[n1ck13]

I've decided that I'm not going to let anything get to me today! I am strong and I can do this!

[chucky]

Just saw your post while looking for some info on this exact subject. Coming from someone who is probably significantly older then you, I would not put up with it. I am currently dealing with a bully at my job. I now have a one year plan to leave. I can deal with it for a year since I have developed a high tolerance for morons. But even still I have felt like you. I dread going to work sometimes since I don’t want to hear the “gems” that spew from this guy's mouth. I would go into details but it is not advisable in a public forum. But to give you one example, he makes fun of the fact that he punched two people in the face when he worked as a fast food cook in his mid 20's. He is now in his mid 40's. That pretty much tells you what his maturity level is. He is well connected to management so complaining will not help and confronting him will only cause me problems as I have already experienced by disagreeing with one of his buddies. Just remember one thing. You did nothing to cause this and are not in any way at fault. Most bullies are immature and have low self-esteem and have a need to tear other people down especially when they feel threatened by them. I would suggest finding a new job. As a previous person said you are not running away. Document everything as you may need it later. Bullies are typically pathological liars and master manipulators. I have a log that I fill out when each incident occurs just in case. But, above all don't let it influence your health. It is never worth it. If you do that then in some way they have won. The main thing is to inwardly laugh at these people. Laughter is a great healer. I say inwardly because while it is extremely satisfying to outwardly laugh at them it tends to torque them off. Use the experience to grow yourself and above all learn from it and never treat other people like a bully does.

[n1ck13]

:) thank you!