ahhhhh! my hypochondria, ocd & anxiety are ruining my life!!

[kimm1119]

hi all. I'm new to this forum. I'm 25, I've been a hypochondriac since I was about 7 or 8. towards the end of april my aunt went to the hospital because of jaundice. once there she found out she had terminal cancer and was in the final stages of liver failure. she was given a week to live. (she lived for over a month, she was a strong woman) she ended up passing at the end of may. since then I would estimate that I spend about 6+ hours a day googling symptoms of every cancer I think I have that day. I see symptoms like - low grade fever, weight loss etc. so this is where my ocd kicks in. I weigh myself every single day and (this is really crazy and embarrassing) I check my temperature, I'm estimating about every 10 minutes all day long!! with 3 different thermometers! I have 2 daughters (4 & 2) I'm constantly asking them to "feel mommy's head" "is mommy hot?" I'm so disgusted with myself. my kids are my life! everyone around me thinks I'm such a great mom. . but I feel like a lousy one. my anxiety and ocd are controlling my life, I'm wasting ALLLL of my time living in fear and I don't know how to get my anxiety back to a stable level. my boyfriend doesn't help or try to understand my disorders at all. he tells me to "stop acting so crazy" I wish it were that easy. I wish I could snap my fingers and make this all stop. . I wish I could stop obsessing over having some horrible disease. . . but I can't. I feel so alone and misunderstood. will this ever stop?

[fefediva22]

Take it one step at a time. You got to find that strength that's in u . U got to be strong.

[camilla91]

You need distraction techniques, I used to way myself a lot as well, got pregnant and just stopped because I could be as fat as I wanted then! Lol your expecting the worst because the worst happened to that strong lady in your life, cut the internet off, that's what I'd do, you'd still think about it but if distract yourself with something else (take kids to park something like that) it will ease up, those few seconds you don't think about it will turn into minutes, then hours, then days, its hard! I'm still on the few minutes bit lol but I'm focussing on different things, gym, college, just basically creating a new life for myself, ignoring these things, just think everytime u check your symptoms or weigh yourself your letting anxiety win! Treat it as yout worst enemy, you don't want anything to do with it, don't wanna think about it, you just want it to keep well away from you!.. I'm hoping that will help lol :) xxx

[Enduronman]

Dear Camilla,

WOW!..You are still impressing me into the state of panic! (just kidn, I WAS the state of panic). You quickly realized (faster then any other I've seen on here so far as a newbie)...that tryin to help OTHERS is also therapeutic and relieving to you and your own conditions that began to slowly erode away at your life...essentially...

I AM SO EXCITED, HAPPY, EXSTATIC, AND SSSSOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF THE PERSON YOU INSTANTLY CHOSE TO BECOME!! You knew there was a "switch" implanted within your own mind..you just hadnt found it yet...but DID WITHIN 2 DAYS AND YOU FLIPPED IT! (I have NOT witnessed this extremely complex task handled so rapidly before...ever...and I also found mine instantly too.)

So. keep up this positive attitude, positive advice, positive support, and use the atributes and traits of your positive personality that you were gifted with...youre helping so many more people then you even know yet, but you will see it happen..

YAY!!!

Enduronman (wiping a tear from his face)..dont you DARE share that info with a soul...:)

[camilla91]

Well I wasn't expecting that! LOL
You have a mad way with words! You wait until the day comes that you need help your gunna get a msg like u sent me! LOL
Thank you very much.. I think my day just got a bit better? Lol
Camel (no-one will ever know about the tear LOL) :)

[Enduronman]

Dear Camel..

I do have a mad way with words. My wife, who is a highly intelligent woman (but is completely OPPOSITE of my intelligence) termed me as "A Word-Smith' many years ago..Even though I dont nor have I ever read words...I am a FREAK!!! ..but I learned to adapt and adjust the FREAK part into everyday, real life, positive solutions..You KNOW that the message I sent to you- (that my wife also read, and her response was "Oh my, you're going to make her feel so badly with yer word attack and you be ashamed for this!".. )..I told her to "shut up, and continue reading until YOU understand the meaning, before you Judge the meaning"...LOL! She is a Judge, which makes this more interesting..puts thugs into jail, tells people to shut up, for a living, and creates "order out of disorder" every, single, day...HAHHAAhhaa!!...- had to be sent... I knew how you would "interpret" it, unlike what she did...Why?...Because of the "genetic abnormalities" within our minds... It is a POWER that few understand, comprehend, or even "see".. We're unique!! May has well have fun with it!!

You earned that highest degree of compliment Camellliaiaiaaaia.... and you KNOW it too.. Weird? No, just different...a blessing.

Well, heading off to the local Major Dept Store to get me a wheelchair and race around in there (and speaking aloud like what a Race commentator would)...
Why?...JUST FOR S**TS AND GIGGLES because NO ONE will say 1 single word to me...thats the entertainment.. Using my disorder (ssssssssssss) to live, love, laugh, and have fun!...If they gave me a "handicapped" pass because they think I'm "handicapped" then I'm going to use it for my own entertaining pleasure...

PS: The people that "labled" me, are intellectual idiots...but I played and acted like I was below them..while I was "reading" them...LMAO!!!

Enjoy this day!!! vroom vrrom get outta my way disabled handicapped nutjob with a big blue badge comin through!

E-Man...:)

[PRAYINTOBEANXIETYFREE]

Hi Kimm1119
I understand what you are going through! I suffer from severe health anxiety and it is ruining my life! I have a soon to be 5 year old little girl and I hate that I can't seem to snap out of this for her! I feel like a horrible mom...the time I should be enjoying spending with her, I use to obsess about my health and ultimately make myself miserable! I constantly monitor my body and its functions. I also weigh myself daily! I also check my urine and bowel movements for signs of abnormalities. If I have a strange pain, I google the heck out of it and then of course find worst case scenarios which puts my OCD into overdrvie. It's all I can think about until I finally put myself in a full blown panic attack (heart palps, crying, etc..) I tell myself even as I'm doing it, that googling is NOT going to help...yet I can't seem to stop myself! Last night was particularly bad for me...I couldn't sleep so ended up on the internet for a couple hours and..well lets just say it was a rough night. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this!