Hi I'm Caren

[Caren]

Hello,

I’m Caren; a 27 year old from California recently diagnosed w/ depression, mild OCD, and agoraphobia; the last 6 months have been hell. I’m on Serquel, Oxcarbazepine, and Xanax and walk around in a fog.

The medications don’t seem to be working and I’m becoming more and more frustrated. I can’t leave my home without having a panic attack so I’ve been out of work and on disability.

My 46 father had a stroke three months ago and he’s in a nursing home 5 min. from my house and I can visit for more then 15 mins without breaking down in hysterics. Xanax don’t work. Family members show up from out of state and wonder why I’m not spending time with my dad and family.

I never feel safe and I leave my house alarm on 24/7. My doctors think I’m not being corporative because I don’t make it to every therapy session. They don’t understand anything. Group therapy terrifies me and hearing about others peoples pain makes me even more depressed.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to get through the days I’m open to them.

Thank You :cry:

[Lawo]

hello caren;

as you've said, group therapy terrifies you. and when you don't feel comfortable with it, well, i would choose some alternative.
a therapy just needs to be the right one.

isn't there someone who can drive you to the sessions, someone you can trust?
is there sth. which can distract you from the anxiety? is there some place outside the house where you would feel comfortable, if you could get there?

greetings
michael

[juliana]

Hi Caren. I had severe agoraphobia for 3 years. If your doctors don't think you're being cooperative because you don't go to all your therapy appointments, then they just don't understand agoraphobia.

When my agoraphobia was really bad there's no way I could have gone to therapy. I might have been able to handle it if the therapist had come to my flat, but I was way too scared to go somewhere else. I certainly would NOT have been able to make myself go to group therapy. I mean, IT'S AGORAPHOBIA! What part of that don't your doctors understand?? I'm surprised anyone ever shows up for agoraphobia group therapy. I'm guessing the absentee rate is pretty high. ;)

Before I got well enough to start leaving my flat to go to a psychiatrist and CBT, I read a book on CBT and worked on some of the techniques. I also did yoga in my living room and it relaxed me and gave me the ability to use deep breathing to calm me down a bit in stressful situation. You have to work within the parameters you can handle at this point. Challenge yourself whenever you can, but don't beat yourself up over not being able to face some things. Agoraphobia is powerful... but it can be beaten. It doesn't happen over night and it's hard to overcome and there are inevitable setbacks, but you can win this battle.

I give you major credit for going to visit your father. Even if it is just for 15 minutes, that's a major accomplishment. Try 20 minutes next time. I know it's exhausting, but the only way to conquer this thing is to challenge yourself all the time. If your relatives understood how difficult it is for you, they would be applauding you, not criticizing. (And if they're not applauding you, you need to applaud yourself!) Maybe they need to be better informed about your condition. This is how I used to explain it to people -- Everyone has fears. Imagine your greatest fear -- a pit full of snakes, or walking on a high wire. Then imagine how facing that fear would make you feel physically. Then imagine feeling that kind of physical terror every time you step outside your front door. That's what agoraphobia feels like. When you have agoraphobia, you feel that kind of terror every time you step outside your comfort zone. Everyone can relate to fear. We just have fears of things that other people consider mundane.

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know you better. I'm not agoraphobic anymore. I slayed that dragon and the feeling of freedom is so damn beautiful. I wish that for you too. There is hope. Just remember that. I was so hopeless. I thought I would never get better. I couldn't even step out on my own deck without panicking and running back inside after a few minutes. I never thought I would get my life back, but I did. Hang in there... and welcome.