dalesBlueIdGirl
08-10-2012, 04:04 PM
Hi. I'm Marissa. I just found this community and thought I would introduce myself and why I'm here. I have PTSD. It was brought on due to me being sexually molested for three years by my cousin. I also have a father who is a dianosed sociopath. And a mother who was sick my entire life. I know poor poor me. Well My anxiety didn't really come out full force till six years ago when my mother passed away. I recently got married and gained three more kids, two of which live with us full time. I'm a ball of anxiety. I'm so hard on myself. ( alot to do with my father and the things he said to me growing up.) I fear my marriage won't last. I'm scared to death of it. I'm scared he will cheat on me, I'm scared he will go back to his ex, I'm scared he will begin to hate how fat I am or how ugly I am and he just hasn't seen it yet. I don't know how to stop the voices. I don't know how to make myself believe him when he says how much he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am and that I'm the only one and the best thing that has happend... etc... I know I'm so lucky to have him but I don't know if he knows what he is in for... I've had a lot happen in my life and alot that has sat with me that I can't seem to release. I'm hoping that venting on a fourm or chatting with other people will help me. I want to fix myself so badly. I'm so tired of being so broken. I'm tired of having little joy in life when I should be completely joyful!! Anyway... Sorry to babble... This is just a start for me. I'm open to hear ideas or ways to help change myself!! Thank you for reading!