Hello.. New Here.. This Is A Complicated one..

[camilla91]

Hello, I'm camilla I'm 21, I think I've suffered from anxiety and stress for a few years now, my parents have been in and out of mental hospitals since I was young, my mother recently got unwell again and all the depression symptoms came back, so I went to the doctors for the first time about it, he prescribed me 50mg of sertaline. And ruined my life. Within 3 days of taking these tablets I got the really horrible 'unreal' feeling, I ended up in hospital for 3 nights in a row thinking I was going mad, I stopped taking the tablets and after seeing the crisis team they told me I was suffering from anxiety that had nothing to do with the tablets (I don't believe that because I was fine before taking them) although I did have the unreal feeling when I was about 15. The panic\depression doesnally bother me its the detached feeling, it makes me not want to live.. That's the first problem.. The secong is I can't eat! (And being a big woman this is very upsetting lol) I've been living on weetabix for 3 days now, for the past 3 weeks I've been cutting out more and more food because I'm terrified that once I eat something if I get a 'side-effect' (the unreal feeling) it will be too late to get the food out because it will be in my system (I know this isn't normal and irrational but can't help myself.. I do not and will NOT take any medication I'm basically doing this alone, someone help?

[IceBat]

hi camilla. i know how you feel. my anxiety has taken the form of severe nausea and derealization (that bizarre detachment from reality feeling). the symptoms of anxiety are real and they can be scary BUT you have to trust me when i say that these symptoms will NOT harm you. when the body becomes overwhelmed by stress and when we obsess on a single thoguht (am i dying!?!?) the mind becomes fatigued. this is where derealization comes from. when you have that feeling, try to welcome it instead of fight it. if you start to feel like the world is becoming weird, carry on as normal. accept the fact that the anxiety is there but tell yourself "i'm safe and i'm healthy. this will pass." IT WILL PASS! the idea is to get so used to these strange feelings that you become desensitized. eventually, derealization will fade away. it takes time and practice, but it will fade. as for not eating, i know how hard it can be. it helped me to eat with people who made me happy and relaxed. it's much easier to get food down when your relaxed so try your best relax before you eat - perhaps watch something lighthearted or funny on TV. it seemed to help me. just remember that the nausea will subside too. we become unable to eat because the body i so stressed out that it needs to re-cooperate all other metabolic functions before we can give it energy. but you NEED the energy! so take baby steps to get your eating back to normal. baby steps is all you need. good luck to you!

[Enduronman]

Welcome,

1. Your defiant refusal to try advanced chemical molecularly structured and synthesized compounds of the scientific fields, labs, or origins just because of 1 trail-error period will only lengthen and prolong and intensify the whole anxietal effect certainly. I think a few years of suffering shouldv'e been sufficient enough to get on target for a corrective plan of attack and action...You don't???....
2. If you so choose to remain stalled, stuck, and suppressed then that is a decision that's best left to the "controller" of the whole system I suppose...

Best wishes.

Enduronman.

[Enduronman]

only to become more complicated, because you will self-complicate the issue...

Your decision.

[camilla91]

I just tried to reply and it didn't come up so I'll try again lol first of all thank you icebat, its a huge comfort to me to know other people are going through what I am, instead of getting 'the look' when trying to explain what's going on that convinces you even more that your going mad! Lol and to enduronman, I do not want to take medication, its medication that made the whole 'unreal feeling' come back with avengance. I've had anxiety and depression that I can deal with BEFORE taking tablets. So therefore will not take more on the off chance they will make me better. I don't know if my last reply came up but if it didn't I'll say again, I trust my body. I trust my brain, I trust that they will sort themselves out without medication I had this when I was 15 it went away by itself within a few months, if this unreal feeling is something my brain needs to do then I will let it, what I need right now is support and reassurance not someone saying that me refusing medication is a 'defiant refusl' becuase its not. Its a choice. If I have a headache I have a choice to take an asprin or a choice to let it pass, I choose to let it pass. Which it will.

[Enduronman]

Oh Camilla,

Please allow me to retort and to retract 'my look' and apoligize for how my words made you feel more like you're going mad, yes this is "A complicated one". In fact, this is the most "complicated one" that I have ever read on these forums and I have read MANY. I can "read behind your visually typed words" and look into your mind. Wow! This guys more "mad" then I am?..LOL!.. Let this "madman" break it down for ya and "simplify" a "complication"...Ready???? Here I go!

1. Suffering.
2. Anxiety.
3. Stress.
4. Parents.
5. Psych wards.
6. GENETIC PREDISPOSITION THAT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. HARD-WIRED. ENGRAINED. BURNT ONTO YOUR HARDRIVE. FOREVER...thats a long time.
7. Depression.
8. Meds ruined your life in 3 days.
9. Horrible unreal feeling.
10. You were in hospital for 3 nites, going mad.'
11. Dr's said it has NOTHING to do with meds.
12. Oh wait, unreal feeling again.
13. Detached.
14. Dont want to LIVE.
15. Cant eat.
16. Crackers for 3 days.
17. Terrified.
18. Unreal feeling again (3) already.
19. Irrational.
20. (My personal favorite). I REFUSE TO TAKE MEDS.

Because the VERY SAME PERSON, WITH THE VERY SAME FINGERS,...Trust her own mind, and her own body, to somehow just sort out this whole ordeal all by itself and if I get a throbbing and excrutiatingly painful headache? Then I'm just going to let the intense crushing pressure placed upon my head and brain..JUST MAKE ME FEEL EVEN MORE LIKE I'M GOING INSANE OR MAD BUT I'M NOT TAKIN ANY MEDICATIONS TO SHORTEN ITS LENGTH, STAY, DURATION,...because it'll just pass...

So, all that being typed in plain english letters. If ICEBAT made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside with that big ole hug and snuggle of comfort and such kind words of support and reassurance that everythings going to be ok, then that is his/her method of advising, suggesting, supporting and that is ICEBATS own style, way, and approach to these types of issues, troubles, disorders, diseases...BUT I see things differently then ICEBAT does. Why?.. Because I have EVERY SINGLE KNOWN MENTAL ILLNESS THAT ANY SINGLE 1 PERSON SHOULD HAVE TO BARE THE BURDEN OF CARRYING AROUND WITH THEM, AND ALSO HAVE EVERY SINGLE 1 OF THEM WITHIN MY OWN CONTROL!...That's why I can see "things" that most all other people CAN NOT SEE! Do you get it yet dear Camilla91?

Do you think I am going to say, present, and type only what it is that YOU WANT TO SEE, rather then what it is that YOU NEED TO SEE INSTEAD? YES! I AM! i do not wish to harm, hurt, damage, your feelings in any way, shape, or form...In fact, the only reason that I will, would, and am presenting this to you in this form, fashion, and manner, is because I CARE ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, AND ALSO YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH..AND I WILL TELL YOU THAT THIS WILL NOT PASS WITH A BIG OLE HUG, AND AN ICE CREAM CONE ON FRIDAY! It will haunt you for your ENTIRE lifetime dear Camilla91...and the longer you try or attempt to pretend that it isn't there, hide from it, and ignore it...The more POWERFUL "IT" will become...

Now that I have made myself clear to you. I could surround you with 8 BILLION CARING, KIND, COMPASSIONATE, SUPPORTIVE, AND REASSURING PEOPLE but you know what????????? You'll still "feel" the same as you do right now dear..

I personally present to you dear Camilla91 the "realization" that it is, that you HAD to see...because stupid, old, worn out, ENDURONMAN cares about you......

Interpret this reply wisely. I want to see you get better, faster, stronger...quickly.

Have a great day Camilla91.

Enduronman... ;)

[Enduronman]

PS: If it makes you feel any better then here's a hug...and also just to let you know something else, I AM JUST LIKE YOU!..In fact, there were 5 of us within my families history..I am the last one standing.

Make this day, a great day and this upcoming Monday..go get the help you REALLY must have to succeed dear friend..

Enduronman. :)

[camilla91]

I like you instantly because you are in fact mad LOL we obviously have different opinions.
why would i go back to medication when medication made me ill? why would i do that when i was living my life with quite contently without them, i only went t the doctors because the depression was bothering me but only too the extent i could have done without it, not to the extent that i couldnt live with it because i knew that when my mother came out of hospital i would be well again. as usual. i just wanted a crux until then. And i regret that everyday.
If i had just left my body and mind alone i would have came out of it as usual.
instead i took the tablets, they made me gave me the unreal feeling that terrifies me so much i cant stop thinking about it - giving it power to stay.
i had the unreal feeling when i was 15 and it went away on its own so i know it will go again, it just a matter of waiting for my brain to sort itself out, by the way when i had it at 15 i took NO medication so i know it can be done.
so yes, i'll take your hug and icebats hug and keep it! Because it does make me feel better and it does comfort me, better than medication will ever do.
And by the way if you do have mental illnesses (more than one or just the one in fact!) i completely understand your need for medication, my mother has schitzophrenia and my father has a personality disorder and i have seen a SERIOUS improvement with them.. although i also think certain things that happened in their life caused them to be like that and if they'd dealt with it sooner maybe it wouldnt have turned out how it has?
So... again.. no t medication because i personally believe i dont need it and yes to anything else!

[Enduronman]

Ok Camilla91!

I have offered my input on this subject and it is indeed within your own discretion as to how you choose or decide to deal with the mental illnesses and disorders. Yes, I do truthfully and honestly have many mental illnesses that must be "chemically altered" to promote a positive "chemical imbalance" within my brain that was caused by "genetic abnormalities" that all of which were beyond my own control.. I have ADD, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, SAD, IED, and of course I am also a SCHIZO too.. I fully understand, accept, and manage that entire bundle of joy that I was blessed (I think) with...

I am not afraid to announce to this entire world that I have these disorders. Why? Because if there are 8 billion of us on the planet, and no 2 are the same...Then who has any right to tell me that I am different or not normal?...When there is not 1 SINGLE PERSON that you can compare ME too?...

Brian-teaser! (giggle)....

I applaud your self-reliance to guide you through as you see fit, and also I mean no harm in my BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA LIKE approaches to issues, conditions, disorders because I have them ALL in my pocket right now. LOL!

Have a great day!

Enduronman....:)

[kzac]

Hi i have suffered on and off for 5 yes but a year ago as soon as i gave birth to my daughter i was extremely anxious ( id hurt her or leave her somewhere horrible thoughts!) the docs put me on a AD cant remember the name of it and within 2 days i was in hell and ended up sat in a&e and having to take diazapan! They doc said i had reacted badly to the med so they put me on sertraline 150mg and ive been on it a year and has worked for me im still anxious but nothing like i was! Just cuz one med did that doesnt mean another will you could be missing out!! I get what u mean tho you really have to work on telling yourself u r fine! Relaxation tapes have helped me to!

Kellyx

[Enduronman]

Thanks for support assist here KZAC! Glad that you finally found a more positive solution too!..(1 trial & error effort that = error should not = NO MORE TRIALS!)... but Camilla91 has already gotten our point, its in her hands now..

Goodluck to you both!!

Enduronman. :)

[camilla91]

hiya kelly :)
Ive never been a medication person, i think that everything my body/brain does is for a reason, the unreal feeling is for a reason and im hoping when i work out what the reason is i will get better, but for now im just struggling along..
im very sensitive to any medication, just one paracetamol and im shaking! lol your story sounds really familiar to mine, when i had my son i had those same horrible thoughts! i kept having the same thought that i was gunna drop my son down the stairs an kill him, or fall with him in my arms, i also got overly paranoid while i was outside, thinking someone was gunna jump me or that someone was gunna bomb the bus i was on (i can laugh about this now lol) at the time my dad was really poorly and as soon as he got better these thoughts went away without medication.
if i could have a tablet with a hundred percent guarantee there would be no side effects and it would make me better for the rest of my life i would probably take them but until them im ready to fight this alone.
im seeing a hypnotist thats very good and have an appointment with an anxiety councillor on tuesday, so im hoping that will help, ive signed up to college in the hope that if my minds not on the anxiety it will go away because if im honest its all i think about at the moment, i also use the relaxation tapes! lol
xx

[IceBat]

good for you camilla! sounds like you're taking the right steps for yourself and drug-free to boot! just remember not to be discouraged if the hypnotist and counseling dose not "cure" you. it's all a process! baby steps! i'm confident you'll be anxiety free soon. :-)

[camilla91]

lol thanks icebat! i know i can do this! il find the strength somewhere, i always feel better after seeing the hypnotist so i know hes helping somewhere! somethings hidden itself in my brain i can either sit and wonder what it is thats causing this anxiety or i can ignore and it will go away like when i was 15 :) whichever comes first il take! lol xx

[kzac]

i write u a long reply and just looked and it must not have sent, lol! So here goes again... Distraction is good when i can 100 % concentrate on something! I just get sick to death of living my life anxious and not enjoying normal family things because of anxious thoughts!! I do have fits and fazes of good weeks and bad weeks but i think ive took the good for granted and stopped working on it now i feel the bad creeping back in!! I think my hormones play a big part in it to though!!

Kellyx

[camilla91]

Your the same as me! LOL I get that exact thought 'I'm sick of this can't be bothered to think about it' thing LOL I always feel better when I'm focused on something, at the moment I don't really have much point to life there's my son but when you do everything on your own for so long it gets tiring! He may be the only thing that's kept me going for awhile but noe its like I need to do something else, I've applied to college in the hope that I'll have something new and good to think about instead of going through the same old routine, I've been doing the same thing for 2 years straight and it time to give my mind something new to focus on.. Its just waiting till september to start -_- lol xx

[kzac]

Yep we r, lol! Ive got 3 kids and at the start they were all i did it for, everything else seemed pointless but because of my kids it ment i couldn't give up i had to fight! I dont realy get liked i used to! I just get annoyed with myself! When i get anxious im just like of piss off!!! ive gone back to work in the last couple of months after a year off which i got anxious about but it has done me good to get back to being me and have a purpose other than wife and mother!

Kellyx