Enduronman
08-08-2012, 11:15 AM
AF friends, members, lurkers, creepers, Super Mod, & ADMIN,...
Yes, I type alot of words. I offer much advice, opinions, suggestions, support, guidance, comfort, as often as I can understand the subject matter and content. I find it interesting to be able to see, sense, feel, what a person that I can't even visually observe may be thinking..Reading people, places, events, instances, occasions, occurances, and all probabilities or possible scenarios for any given problem, trouble, conflict, or action, anywhere at any given time is not my weak point that I'm asking for assistance in understanding, learning, acknowledging...I'm OVERLY strong in all of the above mentioned areas with all the commas because I don't know proper punctuation and often times even spelling as well. I am honestly thinking about hiring my daughter to type my thoughts because they are all put together and processed quicker then I can even speak them at times..It's weird, yes..Part of why I am too here....Genetic abnormalities, not my fault..natures fault. I accept that.
To best summarize my way of thought, thinking, interpretation of the world and the things around me throughout my entire life without me having to type 20,000 letters, if any of you have ever watched a series of movies called "The Matrix" and another series called "The Bourne" then that will help you to understand me, which in turn may help you to help myself. If you also wish to know how I finally got out of "The High Anxiety Matrix" on May 10th of this year then go and read the forum posted by KMAN "The what ifs" I believe it's called. It explains in great detail how I fought my way out with an immediate sense of success, all in 1 single day. Now, little did I know that the "side effects" of living an entire life within "The Matrix" would return 18 days later to be exact..TO TAKE PHYSICAL CONTROL OF MY OWN BODY! I'm being serious, factual, truthful, and honest..This may scare you abit but you didn't have to live it, I did it for you and now will share what I was SUDDENLY AND ABRUPTLY AND INSTANTLY FORCED TO LEARN, UNDERSTAND, ACKNOWLEDGE, AND FIX...on my own. (A 21st Century Chronic Stress Syndrome Disease)...formerly known as, (A Nervous System Breakdown). Only problem was, it did not involve my mind..only my physical body. True.
So, on May 28th I awake and am unable to move my own hands. They are red, swollen, painful, and locked into a claw-like position. I then take every medication available to me in attempt to make my own hands work. To no avail..I then went to the Dr on the 1st of June with this obvious visual symptom and concern. He says "yup, you have the working mans disease now and its called rheumatoid arthritis". Ok, so I suddenly have a disease that struck with intense ferocity. Really? True..He prescribed first attempt defense medications to me, I took them for 4 days only to realize that they did NOTHING and this rapidly accelerating disease of the autoimmune system was "eating me alive from the inside-out". I demanded an abrupt change in medications and picked them up that night. It had began destroying every joint in my body (except hips, back, shoulders). 22 mins after ingesting the new meds, I could move my own hands and walk again on my own. True..I then thought I had better get something done really fast in case these meds stop working, so I worked my ass off for 15 days and THEN..locked up again. Can not walk, move, painful, seizures, tremors, fever, cold chills and every other scary thing you can think of happened to me..beyond my brains control. It is a very odd feeling to be floppin around lika fish outta water, with a fully functional mind that is wondering WTF is going on? My head, brain, thoughts were the only things I controlled..nothing else. No movements, no motion, it was doing its OWN thing. So, 5 trips to the Dr., 6 types of medications later, I have not worked (self-employed construction businesses owner) since June 24th. I now have control of my OWN BODY. This disease has been defeated at neck breaking speed. Most people suffer from this for the rest of their lives, I however would not allow that.
I learned more about the mind/body connection in 60 days then what a Specialist or Rheumatologist learned in 8 years of medical school and was BANNED from RA forums because of my vast wealth of knowledge of disorders involving the (autoimmune systems). I KNEW TOO MUCH, I SHARED TOO MUCH, THE DR'S DIDNT WISH FOR ME TO SHARE MY FACTUAL, INFORMATIVE, UNDERSTANDING to their patients. True. They simply stated to me that "I was too strong" and they must ban me. I at no point, offended, attacked, insulted, advertised, or broke ANY of their listed rules of forum posting matter or material. I was freaking THEM out...haha!! True.
Now, some of you may wonder why, how, or where I learned so much so quickly and why I can blurt out a whole list of suggestions for OUR disorders, diseases, ailments, illnessess and the answer is that I ADAPT very, very, quickly to anything, anywhere. Also, at 44 yrs of age I have NEVER HAD HEALTH INSURANCE PRIVILEGES OFFERED TO ME. So, I would study, learn, read, understand, acknowledge, and apply or implement whatever corrective approach or proceedures I found to be viable or useful in fixing ME.. I fix me..
Now, Here is my only sticking point, flaw, misunderstanding, and to be honest with you all, beyond my own mind control but I can not figure out why? I can figure out EVERYTHING ELSE except this..here I go
"Whenever I am confronted by anyone, whether it is my own children, my own parents, strangers, a friend, a neighbor and they offend me or what my stupid brain perceives as being offensive, insulting, attacking me with a word or series of words...I LOSE ALL CONCEPTUAL, LOGICAL, RATIONAL, SITUATIONAL, EVENTFUL, thoughts..vision..control. I do not even recognize the person standing in front of me anymore. I can not see them as I once knew them mere seconds ago in great intimate detail and regard. They INSTANTLY become an aggressor, an attacker, an invader, an assailant, an agent, a trained assassin, an adversary,...this list could go on..and on.. Although I have never harmed of them physically, touched them, pushed them, stomped them into the ground..it is what my brain, mind, thought, hormones, steroids, glands, etc etc are ORDERING me to do.. I have however, scared the s**t out of them all only to realize a few hours later that I did something to horrify someone but I do not know who, or why...I just feel remorse, sorry, sympathy, apathy..yadda yadda... IDK????
I can not figure THIS one out and its driving me crazy. (not really but I want to understand it, so I can be a more "softened toned" person).
If you're wondering if I have ever been in a "fisticuffs" (low impact word to use here) with other people in my life? The answer is yes, many, many times. I also never lost, ever...
Ok, thank you all for reading if you did take the time too I would REALLY appreciate some rational, logical, input..wait..ANY INPUT AT ALL is wanted here..I honestly just seek what you all do, an understanding from the outside/in.
Sincerely,
Enduronman (Christoph)
Yes, I type alot of words. I offer much advice, opinions, suggestions, support, guidance, comfort, as often as I can understand the subject matter and content. I find it interesting to be able to see, sense, feel, what a person that I can't even visually observe may be thinking..Reading people, places, events, instances, occasions, occurances, and all probabilities or possible scenarios for any given problem, trouble, conflict, or action, anywhere at any given time is not my weak point that I'm asking for assistance in understanding, learning, acknowledging...I'm OVERLY strong in all of the above mentioned areas with all the commas because I don't know proper punctuation and often times even spelling as well. I am honestly thinking about hiring my daughter to type my thoughts because they are all put together and processed quicker then I can even speak them at times..It's weird, yes..Part of why I am too here....Genetic abnormalities, not my fault..natures fault. I accept that.
To best summarize my way of thought, thinking, interpretation of the world and the things around me throughout my entire life without me having to type 20,000 letters, if any of you have ever watched a series of movies called "The Matrix" and another series called "The Bourne" then that will help you to understand me, which in turn may help you to help myself. If you also wish to know how I finally got out of "The High Anxiety Matrix" on May 10th of this year then go and read the forum posted by KMAN "The what ifs" I believe it's called. It explains in great detail how I fought my way out with an immediate sense of success, all in 1 single day. Now, little did I know that the "side effects" of living an entire life within "The Matrix" would return 18 days later to be exact..TO TAKE PHYSICAL CONTROL OF MY OWN BODY! I'm being serious, factual, truthful, and honest..This may scare you abit but you didn't have to live it, I did it for you and now will share what I was SUDDENLY AND ABRUPTLY AND INSTANTLY FORCED TO LEARN, UNDERSTAND, ACKNOWLEDGE, AND FIX...on my own. (A 21st Century Chronic Stress Syndrome Disease)...formerly known as, (A Nervous System Breakdown). Only problem was, it did not involve my mind..only my physical body. True.
So, on May 28th I awake and am unable to move my own hands. They are red, swollen, painful, and locked into a claw-like position. I then take every medication available to me in attempt to make my own hands work. To no avail..I then went to the Dr on the 1st of June with this obvious visual symptom and concern. He says "yup, you have the working mans disease now and its called rheumatoid arthritis". Ok, so I suddenly have a disease that struck with intense ferocity. Really? True..He prescribed first attempt defense medications to me, I took them for 4 days only to realize that they did NOTHING and this rapidly accelerating disease of the autoimmune system was "eating me alive from the inside-out". I demanded an abrupt change in medications and picked them up that night. It had began destroying every joint in my body (except hips, back, shoulders). 22 mins after ingesting the new meds, I could move my own hands and walk again on my own. True..I then thought I had better get something done really fast in case these meds stop working, so I worked my ass off for 15 days and THEN..locked up again. Can not walk, move, painful, seizures, tremors, fever, cold chills and every other scary thing you can think of happened to me..beyond my brains control. It is a very odd feeling to be floppin around lika fish outta water, with a fully functional mind that is wondering WTF is going on? My head, brain, thoughts were the only things I controlled..nothing else. No movements, no motion, it was doing its OWN thing. So, 5 trips to the Dr., 6 types of medications later, I have not worked (self-employed construction businesses owner) since June 24th. I now have control of my OWN BODY. This disease has been defeated at neck breaking speed. Most people suffer from this for the rest of their lives, I however would not allow that.
I learned more about the mind/body connection in 60 days then what a Specialist or Rheumatologist learned in 8 years of medical school and was BANNED from RA forums because of my vast wealth of knowledge of disorders involving the (autoimmune systems). I KNEW TOO MUCH, I SHARED TOO MUCH, THE DR'S DIDNT WISH FOR ME TO SHARE MY FACTUAL, INFORMATIVE, UNDERSTANDING to their patients. True. They simply stated to me that "I was too strong" and they must ban me. I at no point, offended, attacked, insulted, advertised, or broke ANY of their listed rules of forum posting matter or material. I was freaking THEM out...haha!! True.
Now, some of you may wonder why, how, or where I learned so much so quickly and why I can blurt out a whole list of suggestions for OUR disorders, diseases, ailments, illnessess and the answer is that I ADAPT very, very, quickly to anything, anywhere. Also, at 44 yrs of age I have NEVER HAD HEALTH INSURANCE PRIVILEGES OFFERED TO ME. So, I would study, learn, read, understand, acknowledge, and apply or implement whatever corrective approach or proceedures I found to be viable or useful in fixing ME.. I fix me..
Now, Here is my only sticking point, flaw, misunderstanding, and to be honest with you all, beyond my own mind control but I can not figure out why? I can figure out EVERYTHING ELSE except this..here I go
"Whenever I am confronted by anyone, whether it is my own children, my own parents, strangers, a friend, a neighbor and they offend me or what my stupid brain perceives as being offensive, insulting, attacking me with a word or series of words...I LOSE ALL CONCEPTUAL, LOGICAL, RATIONAL, SITUATIONAL, EVENTFUL, thoughts..vision..control. I do not even recognize the person standing in front of me anymore. I can not see them as I once knew them mere seconds ago in great intimate detail and regard. They INSTANTLY become an aggressor, an attacker, an invader, an assailant, an agent, a trained assassin, an adversary,...this list could go on..and on.. Although I have never harmed of them physically, touched them, pushed them, stomped them into the ground..it is what my brain, mind, thought, hormones, steroids, glands, etc etc are ORDERING me to do.. I have however, scared the s**t out of them all only to realize a few hours later that I did something to horrify someone but I do not know who, or why...I just feel remorse, sorry, sympathy, apathy..yadda yadda... IDK????
I can not figure THIS one out and its driving me crazy. (not really but I want to understand it, so I can be a more "softened toned" person).
If you're wondering if I have ever been in a "fisticuffs" (low impact word to use here) with other people in my life? The answer is yes, many, many times. I also never lost, ever...
Ok, thank you all for reading if you did take the time too I would REALLY appreciate some rational, logical, input..wait..ANY INPUT AT ALL is wanted here..I honestly just seek what you all do, an understanding from the outside/in.
Sincerely,
Enduronman (Christoph)