thatonedude
08-08-2012, 08:41 AM
The history:
I was always healthy mentally (aside from depression but that was due to my environment only) and never had problems with anxiety or anything (infact, I thought it sounded stupid but wasn't judgmental to others) until one random day, I had a panic attack for about an two hours. Intense shaking and the slightest movement of just my finger made my entire body shake even harder and had the feeling of me dying attached to it every second (time stood still, felt like days). This panic attack was literally caused over NOTHING, I had a great day I wasn't stressed, I was happy. After that day everything felt different and uncomfortable and over the years it just got worse and worse. I smoked pot during high school for my depression (no meds ever helped and I never felt anything from them, ever, for over 3 months) and started losing weight and everything was great and happy. Panic attacks didn't exist after my first attack, just a shitty uncomfortable feeling. I never had anything to fear and was never scared of anything or even stressed (aside from depression phases) during this time up until maybe 6 months ago. Weed for the record, was always a pleasant feeling and helped me mentally during multiple times of depression due to my environment and would never regret it, ever.
Current day:
About 6 months ago I had my first sober panic attack when I went to work (I had them every once in awhile after not smoking for some time which was definitely odd but whatever since I wasn't scared of ANYTHING, it just happened, made no sense). I use to drink a monster usually in the morning to curb the feeling of always being tired that came out of no where about 2 years ago and on this particular morning, I felt pretty zoned out which also came with being tired but was minor. After the attack there was a permanent intense fog followed by minor hallucinations everywhere I go. For 6 months I feel like I'm about to pass out from the intensely bright lights and inability to focus or absorb any information which is also intensified when people are around me. I couldn't focus at work I couldn't focus at home not to mention on the verge of passing out all the time, I literally feel retarded when I use to be extremely smart and had the best memory(I literally would absorb the tiniest of details out of everything). My personal life has been ruined because of this and it's getting worse. Now I get panic attacks from anything to everything that last anywhere from 1 to 10min (I looked up food recipes for shopping and the food gave me an attack -.-). My mind has changed to thinking everything is wrong when I use to not care or never think ANYTHING was wrong. I can't even begin to fathom how this happened because it just happened over night out of fear...Like, this is NOT me. This is NOT who I am and yet I'm losing my mind from this. I can't even take vitamins because I'm scared I'll feel a psychoactive effect (as if I'm not plagued by the feeling anyways 24/7). I can't go running/walking/lifting at all anymore because the fog coupled with the fear of becoming distant from every little thing. Nothing feels right everything looks kind of weird and it's literally like I'm stuck in an eternal high minus the fun aspects. For the record, no pot has not done this to me or anyone else I know and it never goes away no matter how sober I am for however long. So please don't try to blame this on my smoking.
I keep trying to get better but nothing I do will take away this psychoactive feeling I'm experiencing 24/7 as if I'm in a state of psychosis. Anxiety is livable if you aren't literally scared of everything every single second of the god damn day but this is too much, this is overwhelmingly fuck. Consider this a cry for help I guess because I don't know what to do. This is literally the complete opposite of who I am.
I was always healthy mentally (aside from depression but that was due to my environment only) and never had problems with anxiety or anything (infact, I thought it sounded stupid but wasn't judgmental to others) until one random day, I had a panic attack for about an two hours. Intense shaking and the slightest movement of just my finger made my entire body shake even harder and had the feeling of me dying attached to it every second (time stood still, felt like days). This panic attack was literally caused over NOTHING, I had a great day I wasn't stressed, I was happy. After that day everything felt different and uncomfortable and over the years it just got worse and worse. I smoked pot during high school for my depression (no meds ever helped and I never felt anything from them, ever, for over 3 months) and started losing weight and everything was great and happy. Panic attacks didn't exist after my first attack, just a shitty uncomfortable feeling. I never had anything to fear and was never scared of anything or even stressed (aside from depression phases) during this time up until maybe 6 months ago. Weed for the record, was always a pleasant feeling and helped me mentally during multiple times of depression due to my environment and would never regret it, ever.
Current day:
About 6 months ago I had my first sober panic attack when I went to work (I had them every once in awhile after not smoking for some time which was definitely odd but whatever since I wasn't scared of ANYTHING, it just happened, made no sense). I use to drink a monster usually in the morning to curb the feeling of always being tired that came out of no where about 2 years ago and on this particular morning, I felt pretty zoned out which also came with being tired but was minor. After the attack there was a permanent intense fog followed by minor hallucinations everywhere I go. For 6 months I feel like I'm about to pass out from the intensely bright lights and inability to focus or absorb any information which is also intensified when people are around me. I couldn't focus at work I couldn't focus at home not to mention on the verge of passing out all the time, I literally feel retarded when I use to be extremely smart and had the best memory(I literally would absorb the tiniest of details out of everything). My personal life has been ruined because of this and it's getting worse. Now I get panic attacks from anything to everything that last anywhere from 1 to 10min (I looked up food recipes for shopping and the food gave me an attack -.-). My mind has changed to thinking everything is wrong when I use to not care or never think ANYTHING was wrong. I can't even begin to fathom how this happened because it just happened over night out of fear...Like, this is NOT me. This is NOT who I am and yet I'm losing my mind from this. I can't even take vitamins because I'm scared I'll feel a psychoactive effect (as if I'm not plagued by the feeling anyways 24/7). I can't go running/walking/lifting at all anymore because the fog coupled with the fear of becoming distant from every little thing. Nothing feels right everything looks kind of weird and it's literally like I'm stuck in an eternal high minus the fun aspects. For the record, no pot has not done this to me or anyone else I know and it never goes away no matter how sober I am for however long. So please don't try to blame this on my smoking.
I keep trying to get better but nothing I do will take away this psychoactive feeling I'm experiencing 24/7 as if I'm in a state of psychosis. Anxiety is livable if you aren't literally scared of everything every single second of the god damn day but this is too much, this is overwhelmingly fuck. Consider this a cry for help I guess because I don't know what to do. This is literally the complete opposite of who I am.