Its not getting better

[pjr1234]

Hello,

I am feeling really low today with my anxiety, I have been feeling down on and off for about 3 months but I can't seam to shake it off this time, and im really starting to lose hope, i just can't be bothered to fight it anymore. I do really feel i'd be better off dead I just dont want to feel like this. I talk to my friends but i think they are a bit sick of me as i have been going on and on for about 3 months!

Its a really stupid thing where all this came from, it was about 3 months ago when it came to sleeping with a new partner and they in my eyes were far too good for me and I could not perform, after that i did not eat for about a week, found it hard to sleep. I ended things with them as I could not face seeing them again. I have developed a phobia of sex, because im so scared of it happening again. I knwo this is stupid but i just can't get over it i have felt like shit for months and its just not getting better. Every says you have to face your fears which is true when I didnt want to go out i went out and I was fine. BUT if im all anxious and trying to face it wont help as it will happen again if im all wound up. Everyone says just date people until you are ready but i cant even face that. I have never had this prob before and i used to LOVE sex.

Been to the docs about it a few times but they wont give my anything i did start counselling this week but that just made me even worse. I just cry all the time and feel so sad really wish i was dead. If i'm not depressed i'd hate to know what it feels like to be depressed!

[juliana]

Hi there. I'm sorry it took so long for someone to respond to your message. I just saw it.

I'm sorry you're feeling so horrible. The fact that you've started therapy is a very good thing, though. It's actually healthy to be crying after you start therapy. You're facing some painful stuff. That's often the hardest part. So, therapy isn't easy, but it gets easier and it can make a huge positive difference.

As for your fear that your friends are sick of listening to you, I doubt that's the case. That's what friends are for -- to support each other through the tough times. I'm sure you're there for them when they're going through difficult times too.

Don't give in to the feelings of hopelessness. It's a tough fight, but you need to remind yourself that there is hope. I have been at many points in my life when I felt that there was no hope at all, but you know what? I was WRONG. There was hope and things did get better. The same thing will happen for you. I'm so glad you're getting therapy. Keep us posted and let us know how you're doing.

[pjr1234]

Hi,

sorry its taken me a while to get back, I have been taking Citalopram from 4 weeks after I went to see a new doc and he was really understanding and helpful. I'm still feeling the side effects of the drug I think, lack of sleep agitation and restlessness I would have thought they would have got better by now, I am off work again for the 4th time, Im thinkig i should maybe stay off until i'm better rather than keep going back when i feel ok as i end up getting run down again.

I have been very suicidle the last few days and i have even planned it, but I just keep thinking of my mam and how she would cope, but that feeling is getting less and less he would get over it eventually.

I can't wait for the CP to kick in, i'm so glad i have great friends to help me through it all.