curious
02-24-2007, 07:09 AM
Hello, thank you for checking this out. First time posting for a forum dealing with mental condition, please forgive me if this is not the appropriate section to include this in.
I am interested in perfecting my consciousness, so I could be a better, useful person to my environment and even to myself. I considered myself quite stable mentally and emotionally, and in fact I still do, since as of I am writing this, I have no anxiety that I am aware of at all. That was not the case yesterday evening, as I experienced something unsettling, what I can describe was: my mind was unease. Let me tell you more.
I figured, if am to understand the means to reach clearer and more effective forms of percieving the outer and innner world, I should not just read nice stuff, I should probably read about minds that are not well at all. So I did that, with particular interest in the causes and effects of phobias, symptoms and conditions of schizophrenia, panic attacks, and anxiety disorders. Read this stuff for weeks, truly. I confess I read them as one would watch an action movie, knowing you are not involved effectively, but events/experiences described are interesting to you very much.
So, I consider my mind super-opened, I rarely state uninterest toward anything I find. I am infophilic, one could say. Now it seems I might left some doors open wide recently, as while I was listening to music while reading creepy stuff, I noticed my mind invoked some sick creature to personify a voice you hear in a particular tune, specifically, the song is the Gentle art of making enemies by the band called Faith No More. It was sort of fun, imagining/seeing that ugly creature rampant in Mike Patton's - the singer's - mind, as he tries to convince him of the falsness of the reality he tries to live in.
Well, to put it shortly, as I was trying to sleep, being rather sleepy by then, I couldn't really, as the ugly little dude my mind invoked during the song decided to visit me. That means, my mind kept thinkging about his hideous features and unpleasant sight.
Funny thing is, he might be some manifestation of collective uncosciousness as Carl Jung calls it, since I stumbled upon two artworks depicting the dude I am referring to. Well, what I mean by that, of course: these images look supersimilar to the essence of this imaginary demon, I suppose you could call it that.
Now I figure a demon is as strong as you let it grow - probably, the moment you start thiniking about them, they are already feeding off of your mental energy and grateful to it, feeding off of the fear and anxiety we might feel towards them, yes? I suppose this very process is the demon itself, personifying it as just a comfy method/game to play for the mind.
Reason I write this post is that yesterday was the first occasion in my adult life that an imaginery entity could effectively affect me, meaning that was no longer nice theory, but felt like it could overwhelm me if I would be receptive to it. I found the feelng super-repulsive and also one that I never ever want to feel again.
And that was not normal for sure, in fact, the experience that the entity has settled itself to my mind made me feel naoseous, I could easily throw up if I would have been a bit weaker, I'd say that's a word describing the experience reasonibly. I thought to myself that only my mind is invoking him, and that made me feel even worse, lol.
Well, I decided to read a book instead, and it worked, my attention wondered away from him, but later on it crawled back in and that got me a bit worried. The experience was similar to childhood stuff we probably live through at younger ages, when you imagine example that there is a couple of sinister persons/aliens standing beside your bed, watching down on you, but covering yourself with your magnificent blanket is a perfect method to prevent them from interacting with you. My mind entertained itself with that particular experience on a nightly basis for late adolescence, and it never got me worried for one second, ever.
Yesterday's experience was similar to this particular childhood experience, most fearsome aspect of it being that I am no longer 15-16, I am 29, and I am pretty sure that being worried of imaginary stuff is not normal. That's normal to go to the loo late at night, but yesterday I suspected the imaginary dude might have been there in the shadows, bla, I'm pretty sure you know what I am referring to, similar experience are sort of common to all, as I noticed. But an experience like I wrote about above- magnifies it up.
Now I am OK with the guy, not denying his existence in the uncoscious, and I do hope that his harrasssing was nothing but a glimpse onto how real and dreadful games a mind can play.
Still I'd like to know everyone's opinion on the topic, as I can't be sure that what I experienced is not a sign of reaching some pretty hideous junction. Please reply, all feedbacks are greatly appreciated. : )
I am interested in perfecting my consciousness, so I could be a better, useful person to my environment and even to myself. I considered myself quite stable mentally and emotionally, and in fact I still do, since as of I am writing this, I have no anxiety that I am aware of at all. That was not the case yesterday evening, as I experienced something unsettling, what I can describe was: my mind was unease. Let me tell you more.
I figured, if am to understand the means to reach clearer and more effective forms of percieving the outer and innner world, I should not just read nice stuff, I should probably read about minds that are not well at all. So I did that, with particular interest in the causes and effects of phobias, symptoms and conditions of schizophrenia, panic attacks, and anxiety disorders. Read this stuff for weeks, truly. I confess I read them as one would watch an action movie, knowing you are not involved effectively, but events/experiences described are interesting to you very much.
So, I consider my mind super-opened, I rarely state uninterest toward anything I find. I am infophilic, one could say. Now it seems I might left some doors open wide recently, as while I was listening to music while reading creepy stuff, I noticed my mind invoked some sick creature to personify a voice you hear in a particular tune, specifically, the song is the Gentle art of making enemies by the band called Faith No More. It was sort of fun, imagining/seeing that ugly creature rampant in Mike Patton's - the singer's - mind, as he tries to convince him of the falsness of the reality he tries to live in.
Well, to put it shortly, as I was trying to sleep, being rather sleepy by then, I couldn't really, as the ugly little dude my mind invoked during the song decided to visit me. That means, my mind kept thinkging about his hideous features and unpleasant sight.
Funny thing is, he might be some manifestation of collective uncosciousness as Carl Jung calls it, since I stumbled upon two artworks depicting the dude I am referring to. Well, what I mean by that, of course: these images look supersimilar to the essence of this imaginary demon, I suppose you could call it that.
Now I figure a demon is as strong as you let it grow - probably, the moment you start thiniking about them, they are already feeding off of your mental energy and grateful to it, feeding off of the fear and anxiety we might feel towards them, yes? I suppose this very process is the demon itself, personifying it as just a comfy method/game to play for the mind.
Reason I write this post is that yesterday was the first occasion in my adult life that an imaginery entity could effectively affect me, meaning that was no longer nice theory, but felt like it could overwhelm me if I would be receptive to it. I found the feelng super-repulsive and also one that I never ever want to feel again.
And that was not normal for sure, in fact, the experience that the entity has settled itself to my mind made me feel naoseous, I could easily throw up if I would have been a bit weaker, I'd say that's a word describing the experience reasonibly. I thought to myself that only my mind is invoking him, and that made me feel even worse, lol.
Well, I decided to read a book instead, and it worked, my attention wondered away from him, but later on it crawled back in and that got me a bit worried. The experience was similar to childhood stuff we probably live through at younger ages, when you imagine example that there is a couple of sinister persons/aliens standing beside your bed, watching down on you, but covering yourself with your magnificent blanket is a perfect method to prevent them from interacting with you. My mind entertained itself with that particular experience on a nightly basis for late adolescence, and it never got me worried for one second, ever.
Yesterday's experience was similar to this particular childhood experience, most fearsome aspect of it being that I am no longer 15-16, I am 29, and I am pretty sure that being worried of imaginary stuff is not normal. That's normal to go to the loo late at night, but yesterday I suspected the imaginary dude might have been there in the shadows, bla, I'm pretty sure you know what I am referring to, similar experience are sort of common to all, as I noticed. But an experience like I wrote about above- magnifies it up.
Now I am OK with the guy, not denying his existence in the uncoscious, and I do hope that his harrasssing was nothing but a glimpse onto how real and dreadful games a mind can play.
Still I'd like to know everyone's opinion on the topic, as I can't be sure that what I experienced is not a sign of reaching some pretty hideous junction. Please reply, all feedbacks are greatly appreciated. : )