froggy
08-04-2012, 05:15 PM
I have never posted before, but I feel like I need to vent. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful support system in my life. My husband is good to me and he is a great dad. My mother is always there for me. I have great friends and family. But, I think they are all getting tired of listening to me. So, here is my story. Hopefully someone out there can relate...
I have always been a very nervous person. I remember even as a child I was often sick to my stomach and afraid. I don't really know why because I had a good childhood. Still, I was very anxious all the time. I was also very irritable. When I was in college, I went to my general doctor and she put me on Celexa. That was about 12 years ago. That seemed to solve the problem. That was until about 6 months after I got married. I remember waking up one night with a horrible headache. I thought I was going to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. Then, I started to get this overwhelming fear that I was about to die. I got the chills, my heart was racing, my hands were clammy and I was seeing spots and I was sure that I was dying. I called my husband in and he tried to comfort me, but he didn't know what to do. He finally got me to come back to bed, I took a sleeping pill and eventually went to sleep. That was my first panic attack. Although at the time I didn't know that was what happened. I was sure that something had to be wrong. I fell into a horrible depression and was constantly anxious. I was terrified of dying a horrible death. I couldn't sleep. I lost weight, had to force myself to eat and could hardly get out of bed. I missed several days of work. My general doctor took me off of Celexa, and put me on Zoloft. He also gave me Xanax to take at bedtime and a beta blocker to slow my heart rate down. A couple of weeks went by and I didn't feel any better. So started my countless visits to different specialists. During the course of about two months, I visted the ER twice. I had a CT scan done on my head and chest. I had an ultrasound on my gallbladder, and kidneys. I did a nuclear stress test, echocardiogram, and several EKG's. I got a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I had a HIDA scan done and several rounds of bloodwork. All tests were normal. My general doctor changed my antidepressant from Zoloft to Lexapro and within a couple of weeks, I felt so much better. Since I had had so many tests run, I felt my anxiety of having a horrible illness or disease subside and I was okay. I felt like Lexapro was my miracle drug. I went five years without any real problems. I even weaned myself off of the Lexapro when my husband and I decided to try for a baby. I didn't take any medications throughout my pregnancy, but resumed the Lexapro after the birth of my first daughter. I did fine. I didn't even have any real postpartum depression. So, three years later, my husband and I decided to have another baby. I once again weaned off the Lexapro and got through my pregnancy just fine. I did have a tubal ligation this time though. Got back on the meds in the hospital. But, this time, I wasn't so lucky. I felt enormously overwhelmed and anxious and felt nothing for my newest daughter. The second night I was in the hospital, I had another panic attack. Again, I thought I was dying. I was screaming at the nurses to help me. My blood pressure shot up to 194/102. (It's usually about 115/70) They ended up taking the baby to the nursery for the night and giving my an Ativan so I could sleep. But then it started again. I was terrified all the time. I wanted to just leave my house and my family and never come back. I did everything I had to do to meet my infants needs, but I wanted nothing to do with her otherwise. I ended up in the ER one night sure that I had a tumor in my brain. They did a CT scan and found nothing. I went to a gastrointerologist for horrible digestive issues. I had an endoscopy which showed nothing. I ended up being sent for a CT of my chest, abdomen and pelvis, all showing nothing. My dosage of Lexapro was increased and again, I started feeling normal again. I had the reassurance I needed I guess from all the tests. I went about a year doing okay. I am a teacher and did fine throughout the school year. I even went back to my lower dosage of meds because I was feeling good. It was until this past June when summer started. I started feeling the anxiety rise again.
That brings me to the past two months. In June, I was feeling a strange sensation in my chest. Almost like two thumps every now and then. When I started checking my pulse, I noticed that my heart would skip a beat and then resume to normal. I visited my general doctor and he did an EKG. Normal. He also ran some blood work. That did show that my thyroid was a little overactive. So, my doctor decided to do another round of bloodwork. Those results came back normal. Close to abnormal, but normal. So, I decided to visit a cardiologist about my skipped heartbeats because my general doctor didn't seem to think it was a big deal. The cardiologist had me wear a Holter monitor for 24 hours. It showed some skipped beats (PVC's) , but less than 2 percent of the time. She also did an echocardiogram which was normal.
Dont worry, I'm almost finished. Bless you if you have read this far. I know this is LONG!
Anyway, Although I had my tubes tied, my GYN put me back on the pill for very irregular periods. I just finished my 3rd pill pack. Two weeks ago I was on my last week of my active pills when I started noticing a pain in my lower right abdomen. I was also spotting. I thought that was odd because I was still taking the active pills. I took my last active pill a week ago today. I have been bleeding heavily since. That's okay, I was expecting my period. My concern was the pain and the spotting prior to stopping the active pills. This past Monday the pain was pretty intense, so I visited the doctor. He was concerned that it might be appendicitis because of where the pain was. So, I was sent for an abdominal and pelvic CT. It showed nothing. So here I am today feeling miserable. The pain in my side has not improved and now I am having sharp pains in my stomach as well. I am nauseous most of the day. I just don't know what to do. I am only 36 years old and I have had more tests than most people do in a lifetime. I worry about all the radiation I have exposed myself to with the CT scans. But at the same time, I am always fearful that there is something wrong and it is just being missed. This is not a quality of life. I feel so bad because I have an amazing husband and kids, but I don't enjoy them because I am always worried and in pain. I still don't know what is causing this pain in my lower right side. I have an appt. in two weeks with my GYN for an ultrasound. Perhaps an ovarian cyst? Seems like that would have shown up on a CT though. UGH! I'm just so frustrated!
I'm sorry for rambling. If anyone was able to read all of this and can relate, please let me know your thoughts. If you have experienced something like this and have worked through it, I would love to hear from you. Thanks in advance and thanks for reading. Please keep your comments positive. :-)
I have always been a very nervous person. I remember even as a child I was often sick to my stomach and afraid. I don't really know why because I had a good childhood. Still, I was very anxious all the time. I was also very irritable. When I was in college, I went to my general doctor and she put me on Celexa. That was about 12 years ago. That seemed to solve the problem. That was until about 6 months after I got married. I remember waking up one night with a horrible headache. I thought I was going to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. Then, I started to get this overwhelming fear that I was about to die. I got the chills, my heart was racing, my hands were clammy and I was seeing spots and I was sure that I was dying. I called my husband in and he tried to comfort me, but he didn't know what to do. He finally got me to come back to bed, I took a sleeping pill and eventually went to sleep. That was my first panic attack. Although at the time I didn't know that was what happened. I was sure that something had to be wrong. I fell into a horrible depression and was constantly anxious. I was terrified of dying a horrible death. I couldn't sleep. I lost weight, had to force myself to eat and could hardly get out of bed. I missed several days of work. My general doctor took me off of Celexa, and put me on Zoloft. He also gave me Xanax to take at bedtime and a beta blocker to slow my heart rate down. A couple of weeks went by and I didn't feel any better. So started my countless visits to different specialists. During the course of about two months, I visted the ER twice. I had a CT scan done on my head and chest. I had an ultrasound on my gallbladder, and kidneys. I did a nuclear stress test, echocardiogram, and several EKG's. I got a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I had a HIDA scan done and several rounds of bloodwork. All tests were normal. My general doctor changed my antidepressant from Zoloft to Lexapro and within a couple of weeks, I felt so much better. Since I had had so many tests run, I felt my anxiety of having a horrible illness or disease subside and I was okay. I felt like Lexapro was my miracle drug. I went five years without any real problems. I even weaned myself off of the Lexapro when my husband and I decided to try for a baby. I didn't take any medications throughout my pregnancy, but resumed the Lexapro after the birth of my first daughter. I did fine. I didn't even have any real postpartum depression. So, three years later, my husband and I decided to have another baby. I once again weaned off the Lexapro and got through my pregnancy just fine. I did have a tubal ligation this time though. Got back on the meds in the hospital. But, this time, I wasn't so lucky. I felt enormously overwhelmed and anxious and felt nothing for my newest daughter. The second night I was in the hospital, I had another panic attack. Again, I thought I was dying. I was screaming at the nurses to help me. My blood pressure shot up to 194/102. (It's usually about 115/70) They ended up taking the baby to the nursery for the night and giving my an Ativan so I could sleep. But then it started again. I was terrified all the time. I wanted to just leave my house and my family and never come back. I did everything I had to do to meet my infants needs, but I wanted nothing to do with her otherwise. I ended up in the ER one night sure that I had a tumor in my brain. They did a CT scan and found nothing. I went to a gastrointerologist for horrible digestive issues. I had an endoscopy which showed nothing. I ended up being sent for a CT of my chest, abdomen and pelvis, all showing nothing. My dosage of Lexapro was increased and again, I started feeling normal again. I had the reassurance I needed I guess from all the tests. I went about a year doing okay. I am a teacher and did fine throughout the school year. I even went back to my lower dosage of meds because I was feeling good. It was until this past June when summer started. I started feeling the anxiety rise again.
That brings me to the past two months. In June, I was feeling a strange sensation in my chest. Almost like two thumps every now and then. When I started checking my pulse, I noticed that my heart would skip a beat and then resume to normal. I visited my general doctor and he did an EKG. Normal. He also ran some blood work. That did show that my thyroid was a little overactive. So, my doctor decided to do another round of bloodwork. Those results came back normal. Close to abnormal, but normal. So, I decided to visit a cardiologist about my skipped heartbeats because my general doctor didn't seem to think it was a big deal. The cardiologist had me wear a Holter monitor for 24 hours. It showed some skipped beats (PVC's) , but less than 2 percent of the time. She also did an echocardiogram which was normal.
Dont worry, I'm almost finished. Bless you if you have read this far. I know this is LONG!
Anyway, Although I had my tubes tied, my GYN put me back on the pill for very irregular periods. I just finished my 3rd pill pack. Two weeks ago I was on my last week of my active pills when I started noticing a pain in my lower right abdomen. I was also spotting. I thought that was odd because I was still taking the active pills. I took my last active pill a week ago today. I have been bleeding heavily since. That's okay, I was expecting my period. My concern was the pain and the spotting prior to stopping the active pills. This past Monday the pain was pretty intense, so I visited the doctor. He was concerned that it might be appendicitis because of where the pain was. So, I was sent for an abdominal and pelvic CT. It showed nothing. So here I am today feeling miserable. The pain in my side has not improved and now I am having sharp pains in my stomach as well. I am nauseous most of the day. I just don't know what to do. I am only 36 years old and I have had more tests than most people do in a lifetime. I worry about all the radiation I have exposed myself to with the CT scans. But at the same time, I am always fearful that there is something wrong and it is just being missed. This is not a quality of life. I feel so bad because I have an amazing husband and kids, but I don't enjoy them because I am always worried and in pain. I still don't know what is causing this pain in my lower right side. I have an appt. in two weeks with my GYN for an ultrasound. Perhaps an ovarian cyst? Seems like that would have shown up on a CT though. UGH! I'm just so frustrated!
I'm sorry for rambling. If anyone was able to read all of this and can relate, please let me know your thoughts. If you have experienced something like this and have worked through it, I would love to hear from you. Thanks in advance and thanks for reading. Please keep your comments positive. :-)