michael_92
07-30-2012, 08:33 PM
Ok, ive been on lexapro before for anxiety, didnt do a thing. Recently ive been to a psychologist, and she noticed my anxiety straightaway and I know she is gonna diagnose me with an anxiety disorder, she even said that I am the most anxiety client she has ever seen and that my anxiety levels are "off the charts" and that she has never seen anything like it, this came as a shock to me as i did not realize i had an anxiety disorder.
anyways, i have not gotten the results of the assessment back yet. that will take a while. anyways, what could be wrong with me?
First off , im very obsessive and hate waiting. hate it. i hate it because i get so obsessed with something that i dont like to wait or "be in limbo " about it. this has been evident all my life. i dont see how most people can just wait. for example, if a girl i like doesnt text me back, she can expect another text from me that same day cause i just cant wait 3-4 days to text her again to "give her space", instead i obsess over it and cant get it from my mind, even if im busy (ive lost count of the number of girls ive given the stalker vibe to). also, if something at a store aint in stock, its all i think about till they get it into stock, i really hate how the world seems to just shut down on the weekend (which means it can be another TWO FULL days of waiting for something because a lot of places arent open on the weekend), so lets say something that operates based on "business days", and you order on friday, that means that you gotta wait the weekend before you can even begin to truly start waiting. everyone else seems so careless and relaxed . i obsess about EVERYTHING, girls (creepy i know, its probably why ive never had a girlfriend), anything that involves waiting several days , when im interested in something like a hobby im either totally obsessed or totally disinterested.There is a facebook page called "surge movement" dedicated to bringing back a soda called surge, and im so into that that i probably visit that page at least 40 times a day.
this one time, i was so obsessed with this girl that i kept sending her like 10 emails a day till she replied id literally sit at my computer everyday hitting the "refresh " button over and over for hours on gmail until i got a response, her parents had to tell me to stop contacting her as i was scaring her. (oh and this was when i was being treated by medication for anxiety too). i just felt so anxious . i was like obsessed with this girl, i WAS obsessed with her. this went on for months. this was a few years ago when i was 16 . i just dont think this is normal , even for an anxiety disorder. i feel like im a one in a million case, and not in a good way. it just seems like everyone else with anxiety disorders that i know is more normal. although i do feel as if some of the obsessively contacting that girl was caused by the antidepressant treatment, which decreased my inhibitions without relieving my anxiety.
Another way my obsessiveness gets expressed is through hoarding type behaviors. I just cant let go of things. if someone wants to get rid of a table or something in my house, i obsess over it and remember all the memories i have of it (even something as minor as "that table was there in 2008 and 2008 was my favorite year" or something, i just dont see how people can just "move on ".
i dont think I have OCD , if that is what you are thinking.
i also have had panic attacks. i also experience intense worry over things. my anxiety seems to prevent me from going on a rollar coaster, socializing normally, etc. or even leaving my room at times (cause then id have to go outside , where people can see me).
antidepressants caused me to have a lot of weird behavior too, which is why i may never take them again. id literally bounce off the walls on them. id do crazy things like get on the floor and making animal noises in class, laughing hysterically, acting really goofy and uninhibited . this was in highschool and lets just say it ruined my reputation. also , the obsessions were still there, it did nothing for that, just made me less inhibited about how i deal with them.
anyways, i have not gotten the results of the assessment back yet. that will take a while. anyways, what could be wrong with me?
First off , im very obsessive and hate waiting. hate it. i hate it because i get so obsessed with something that i dont like to wait or "be in limbo " about it. this has been evident all my life. i dont see how most people can just wait. for example, if a girl i like doesnt text me back, she can expect another text from me that same day cause i just cant wait 3-4 days to text her again to "give her space", instead i obsess over it and cant get it from my mind, even if im busy (ive lost count of the number of girls ive given the stalker vibe to). also, if something at a store aint in stock, its all i think about till they get it into stock, i really hate how the world seems to just shut down on the weekend (which means it can be another TWO FULL days of waiting for something because a lot of places arent open on the weekend), so lets say something that operates based on "business days", and you order on friday, that means that you gotta wait the weekend before you can even begin to truly start waiting. everyone else seems so careless and relaxed . i obsess about EVERYTHING, girls (creepy i know, its probably why ive never had a girlfriend), anything that involves waiting several days , when im interested in something like a hobby im either totally obsessed or totally disinterested.There is a facebook page called "surge movement" dedicated to bringing back a soda called surge, and im so into that that i probably visit that page at least 40 times a day.
this one time, i was so obsessed with this girl that i kept sending her like 10 emails a day till she replied id literally sit at my computer everyday hitting the "refresh " button over and over for hours on gmail until i got a response, her parents had to tell me to stop contacting her as i was scaring her. (oh and this was when i was being treated by medication for anxiety too). i just felt so anxious . i was like obsessed with this girl, i WAS obsessed with her. this went on for months. this was a few years ago when i was 16 . i just dont think this is normal , even for an anxiety disorder. i feel like im a one in a million case, and not in a good way. it just seems like everyone else with anxiety disorders that i know is more normal. although i do feel as if some of the obsessively contacting that girl was caused by the antidepressant treatment, which decreased my inhibitions without relieving my anxiety.
Another way my obsessiveness gets expressed is through hoarding type behaviors. I just cant let go of things. if someone wants to get rid of a table or something in my house, i obsess over it and remember all the memories i have of it (even something as minor as "that table was there in 2008 and 2008 was my favorite year" or something, i just dont see how people can just "move on ".
i dont think I have OCD , if that is what you are thinking.
i also have had panic attacks. i also experience intense worry over things. my anxiety seems to prevent me from going on a rollar coaster, socializing normally, etc. or even leaving my room at times (cause then id have to go outside , where people can see me).
antidepressants caused me to have a lot of weird behavior too, which is why i may never take them again. id literally bounce off the walls on them. id do crazy things like get on the floor and making animal noises in class, laughing hysterically, acting really goofy and uninhibited . this was in highschool and lets just say it ruined my reputation. also , the obsessions were still there, it did nothing for that, just made me less inhibited about how i deal with them.