My girlfriend has anxiety, I need advice

[jangamank]

Hello everyone,

I first would like to say thank you for allowing me on your forum. I myself do not suffer from anxiety, but my girlfriend does and I know first hand the challenges sufferers face. I commend you all for your courage to be here and talk about it. Which is the main reason I am here.

I'm hoping anyone can offer me some advice on how to help when she's having really bad attacks and going through stretches of worrying about everything. I'm not looking for medical advice per say, but more, what do you expect and need from your spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, family, etc. What helps? What doesn't? We went through a pretty rough patch where I was becoming frustrated with the constant worry. It took months for me to become sensitive to the fact that she simply cant "just stop worrying". My reactions were making it worse for her.

Since we've openly and honestly talked about it, things have gotten much better. I've come to realize the severity and complexity of what she deals with and since have become much more understanding and sensitive. However there is still gross mis-communication during these attacks/episodes. She says all she needs from me is patience and reassurance, but my attempts fail and always seem to make it worse for her.

So, any advice anyone has in this department would be greatly appreciated. I know I cant solve the problem myself, but I want her to feel supported. I think, that in itself will help tremendously.

Thank you again!

[pawlowski187]

And that's just it, just be supportive... Try to help her relax and breath... Be patient with her, and even telling her to cry ( sometimes that helps ) ... I suffer panic and my boyfriend, bless his heart, has become my security blanket. He'll wake up in the middle of the night just to help me get threw my panic attack .... Make sure she knows u don't think she's crazy either lol... I feard that allot with my panic....

[pawlowski187]

Sometimes during my panic attack I literally can't find words.. So my partner will talk to me , and me just listening can help calm me... Or he'll rub my back and breath with me

[luckydog]

My bf will give me a back massage. Or you can draw her a bubble bath, lavender is known to be calming...but its whatever she likes. He also turns my phone off...and leads me through some Tai Chi to get my breathing under control. I don't know what I would do without him truly. Hope that gives you some ideas. :)

[TylerAnn]

My boyfriend of almost 7 months has been recently, less than 2 months, diagnosed with GAD and possibly depression. Sometimes he fears simply leaving his apartment. He feels he can no longer be intimate. Also sometimes he snaps at ne bringing up past issues that we have resolved.

I am supportive and patient with him. I do my best to understand, but sometimes I feel as though my effort isn't enough for him. He detatches and becomes distant. What can I do to help him?

I have been researching both. I, myself, suffered from depression in high school for almost 3 years without support from others, I know its not easy. I just need some advice and insight from others.

[jangamank]

Thank you very much for the suggestions. I never thought of doing her breathing techniques with her.

[sharjen]

I hope your girlfriend realises how much u love her- that is so sweet that your going to the effort to understand what she's going through and trust me it's not easy- maybe your girlfriend would benefit from joining this forum- may take the pressure off u a bit- my hubby thinks this forums a godsend because I'm not telling him about how I feel- he doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand- good on u- she's a lucky girl xx

[Enduronman]

Ah yes..the just be supportive and listen thing. I've been there friend. It's hard for some people (me) to hear words spoken and feelings brought forward by issues like this and also for hearing about the same issue over and over. I am a "fix it now" type of person/personality which at times can be over-bearing. Although I noted you wish not seek medical advice or treatments for her or suggestions but in my opinion it may be worth an investment of time and some dollars to get to the bottom of "the high anxiety/panic" conditions. As you've also stated that it has put great strain on your relationship and there is/was great mis-communications. I have lived in the world that she now experiences but for over 30 years. I've got a pretty good idea of where and how these things manifest and what fuels them too. I've got alot of ideas to share but must know the direction for which you would choose to go be it Dr's., medications, therapy, herbals.. Its up to you friend. Way to step up to the plate bro..

Enduronman

[jangamank]

Well as of now, she wants to try and beat it without medication. She's using the healthy body healthy mind approach for now. Daily exercise, proper diet, yoga, and trying meditation. Although the meditation is proving to be really hard. She's been talking to a family member who suffers also and that seems to be helping. At this point, she wants to try and beat it without meds. She tried therapy years ago and has contemplated going back.

When you say herbals, do you mean teas?

And thank you sharjen!

[jangamank]

Well as of now, she wants to try and beat it without medication. She's using the healthy body healthy mind approach for now. Daily exercise, proper diet, yoga, and trying meditation. Although the meditation is proving to be really hard. She's been talking to a family member who suffers also and that seems to be helping. At this point, she wants to try and beat it without meds. She tried therapy years ago and has contemplated going back.

When you say herbals, do you mean teas?

And thank you sharjen!

[jangamank]

Its been 6 months and all of your tips helped tremendously for a while. I'm not sure if we didn't give that enough time to just be because we moved in together since and she reverted back to severe anxiety. I think it was the stress of now being exposed fully and i had a complete breakdown of patience out of pure frustration. I decided I needed some form of release, for myself. So i'm starting a blog. If anyone out there is also in my shoes I'd love to share tips, suggestions, etc on how you help your partner get through and also what you do for yourself to stay sane. My blog if your interested is anxiouslove at wordpress

[Avenger08]

Hey everyone, I am in the same boat as jangamank. I met my girl in August and up until the beginning of October was great. She seemed happy, we got along great and we were even talking long term. We aren't actually dating yet, although I want to and she told me that she did a couple weeks ago but she wanted to sort out some things first, moving to a new apartment, dealing with the abusive ex who is also the father of her son. Since we have met she has told me that she has anxiety and what not and i was totally ok with that, didn't bother me one bit. It is a bit worse than what I thought. I knew there would be depression. On Friday evening she actually sent me a text message saying "I think you should stop talking to me" even though we have only known each other for about 2 months, it was like a knife in the heart I asked her why and she told me "because im an unhappy person and i'm crazy. I asked her to sleep on it and then on Sunday we met up and had dinner. She seemed depressed but it was like that text never happened. Upon dropping her off I gave her a big hug and we talked a little bit. I told her "I'm no therapist, but I'll listen, and I'll care" she told me that she still thought i should stop talking to her. I responded with "That isn't going to scare me away that easy :) however If you ABSOLUTELY want me to go I will" She didn't say a word, we hugged some more and I gave her a big kiss and we made plans to see each other tomorrow. I told her to text me today if she felt up to it. I waited all day and it was hard not to text her asking about her day, and she finally messaged me asking me how my day was.

I have told her a few times over the last month, like when i am leaving for example and i give her a hug ill whisper to her "have a good sleep and remember im just a phone call away :)"

I don't want things to end I would actually like them to go the other way, is there an average time frame for what some people I see call "depression episodes"? I know everyone is different. I read on some other sites that getting her active and outside will help take her mind off things So i have been taking her to Scary ghost trains at the local parks and corn mazes.

Is there anything else, talking wise that I can say that would help, or something I could do? I have tried asking her about what shes feeling/thinking and if there is anything that she would like to talk about, and she just says no. Seems like shes just pushing me away which I understand but I would really like to help her (im being really patient about it) and get back to seeing that smile on her beautiful face when shes around me.

[snake]

Hi my partner suffers with anxiety and panic attacks I really want to help her but am at a loss when ever she has one I've never had an attack but want to understand I've looked every where on the net but get different answers which just confuse me even more I love my partner with all my heart how can I help her she says
to just hold her but it dose not feel like enough I use to be able to help her stop by just being there talking to her but it did not help any more feel like a bit of a failure to be honest don't no what to do any advice would be whole heartedly appreciate I've never met anyone who suffers with anxiety before

[mike98t]

Best thing you can do is be there for her. She is lucky to have you