AtLastALife
07-30-2012, 01:40 PM
Hey guys. You know, I have had social anxiety for quite sometime now and really have not though about joining forums before. Today I have SA quite bad so I decided to try and mingle with some like-minded people. Hopefully I can find a bunch of good people here to share my feelings and thoughts with.
I am in the UK and have recently moved from home to work a year's internship for HP as a software engineer; I should be thrilled about it, and I know that somewhere in my brain there is that feeling of happiness: doing something I have always wanted to do. But what tends to come to the forefront of my mind is mere negative thoughts: SA. Constant self analysis; constant thinking about how other people are perceiving me; constantly thinking I am coming across strange to other people. All of these relentless thoughts bundled up do make it hard to actually talk to people. It is funny, it is the cycle of worrying that actually causes these problems. If I did not worry, I would not be talking weirdly sometimes. I even prefer to take dinner alone instead of being with other people so I don't have to go through the ordeal of - what other people take for granted - conversing.
I hate social phobia. I am seeing a coach at work who helps a lot. I have also read At Last A Life by Paul David which is a great book. But the fact is, it is very, very hard to change.
I have dabbled in cannabis which probably did not help my anxiety at all. Though, the the jury seems to be split on that one still. Either way, I have not touched the stuff for over a month.
But, going into work can be a really, really tiring experience for me. I mean I enjoy work, but a 9-5 job does tire you out, naturally. But then, on top of that, I have to deal with what seems like an incredible weight upon my shoulders: SA. And that is 100x more tiring than what a 9-5 will ever be.
Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to everyone; I get worried sometimes that I feel like the only one in the world who has these problems.
I am in the UK and have recently moved from home to work a year's internship for HP as a software engineer; I should be thrilled about it, and I know that somewhere in my brain there is that feeling of happiness: doing something I have always wanted to do. But what tends to come to the forefront of my mind is mere negative thoughts: SA. Constant self analysis; constant thinking about how other people are perceiving me; constantly thinking I am coming across strange to other people. All of these relentless thoughts bundled up do make it hard to actually talk to people. It is funny, it is the cycle of worrying that actually causes these problems. If I did not worry, I would not be talking weirdly sometimes. I even prefer to take dinner alone instead of being with other people so I don't have to go through the ordeal of - what other people take for granted - conversing.
I hate social phobia. I am seeing a coach at work who helps a lot. I have also read At Last A Life by Paul David which is a great book. But the fact is, it is very, very hard to change.
I have dabbled in cannabis which probably did not help my anxiety at all. Though, the the jury seems to be split on that one still. Either way, I have not touched the stuff for over a month.
But, going into work can be a really, really tiring experience for me. I mean I enjoy work, but a 9-5 job does tire you out, naturally. But then, on top of that, I have to deal with what seems like an incredible weight upon my shoulders: SA. And that is 100x more tiring than what a 9-5 will ever be.
Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to everyone; I get worried sometimes that I feel like the only one in the world who has these problems.