My Story ......more venting

[TWOIFBYSEA]

Ok...heres from start to finish exactley what got me to this point.

For the past few years I've been doing a REAAALL stressful job and working alone (I have no co workers at all..........just me a phone and pc)

so from that was a mild birth of me avoiding certain circumstances..like talking to neighbours etc...

Close to a year ago i noticed a lump in the testicle/groin area --i got soo worked up i cried...

finally i went to the doc....she checked--said its nothing and shrugged it off (i do want to add my family doc is great- we all trust her %100)

Fast forward to the past 4-5 mos i began to have a burning/tingling/numb feeling in my leg ... and still the lump..

So...i went again and this tme she said "ohhh looks like its "red" or infected etc..." so she ordered blood work and ultra sound. The blood work came back negative and i've delayed the ultrasound for weeks (finally its today) due to fear/embarrassment (sp)

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Now...heres where the full blown hardcore anxiety starts to hit...

The same day i start taking a perscription of Ciprofloxacin for an infection i didnt have (blood was negative) i notice my hand is cold-ice cold and some mild throbbing/aching...........

Frantically over the next few days I'm examining my entire body and notice some rigidity in my fingers.wrists.shoulder (rigidity is different from trembling/shaking and a sign of parkinsons)

The heart palpatations started, eye twitch, and something odd... when i'm alarmed or scared suddenly it feels like something in the left side of head/brain snaps or pops....hard to explain...

I've convinced myself i have a chronic disease (parkinsons is my latest fixation) ..i can see the sadness/stress in my wifes face when i constantly talk about my death or illness i may/may not have.

Just this morning--my heart/chest seemed to be actually shaking which was odd

I\ll inform you all if this is just in my head or something more serious

also where my head connects to my neck -when i turn it i feel/hear almost like a ripping sound .....again weird.

On Saturday i smoked smoked some weed ( I'm not a weed smoker but will recreationally 2-3 times a year) and the next day while laying in bed i felt like dripping-- or tearing in my left side of head/brain....again weird i know.

I'm a wreck...in a few weeks i've managed to stress out my wife...my thoughts are consumed with anxiety at work, at home, with my kids, making love, nothing gets this out of my head.

i dunno what is compelling me to type this all out........it is theraputic i guess.....i dont know what im looking for........... just that i dont want to lose my mind...

[V for Victor]

Hi Mark, (EDIT: Have no idea why I called you that, guess 'cause I thought this was posted by another user named Mark.)

Anxiety can cause a myriad of symptoms; twitching, stiffness, numbness, burning, dizziness, shortness of breath...

When you get an anxiety attack, try not to focus on the symptoms, focus on the cause of the symtpoms. There's nothing truly wrong with you, except that you're having an anxiety attack.

The lump in your testicle is not something that you should feel apologetic about regarding your concern. In that case, there was something there that could've been serious. I am personally terrified of getting cancer, and I can understand how that could make you worked up. (Still, it's important to try to remain in control, even under that kind of situation. Worrying excessively won't change anything.)

I hope that you continue to keep an eye on it and get it resolved.


I also hope that you might reconsider smoking weed as a relaxation technique. It's not really a solution. It doesn't allow you to understand and confront your problem, it only covers it up. Plus, it can actually trigger MORE anxiety.