dmc1974
07-25-2012, 08:58 PM
So I have looked at posts here and finally decided it was time to register. I want so barley to share my feelings I could probably type forever. My history in a nutshell. Diagnosed at 15 with pani disorder although I know now that my symptoms were there from as far back as I can remember. Obsessing about death even as a small child. As a young teen I would have terrible vomiting spells that no one could figure out the cause. As a small child inability to sleep with night terrors plagued me. As an older teen feeling of unreality and racing heart. Always feeling lime I was fading out Gettin ready to take my last breath. I was put n Xanax as a teen then advanced to the ssri as a young adult. Then one day, in my late teens early twenties it was gone! No symptoms! I partied lime a rockstar. Mainly alcohol. Was too scared to try drugs. Then mid twenties I decided to move across country and bam! It was back again. Feeling like I couldn't breath. That my heart would stop and so my new life began. That of someone who was scared of any and everything. My life over the next few years got smaller and smaller. I eventually couldn't even drive anywhere at all. Eventually I checked myself into a hospital twice actually. They medicated me to the hilt and I remember my mom telling me she thought she would never see the real me again. I did multiple rounds of concealing. Lost multiple relationships. Had two children by this time but had left my eldest with his dad for his well being. I divorced my husband blaming him for my constant anxiety which I still believe added to I quite a bit . I went on to go to college. I was 30 at this point. Obtained my brainy degree all the while suffering inside with this disease. In the last four years I have called 911 over 500 times. I have had more tests on my heart then most people will ever have in a lifetime and still I believe nearly everyday that I am dying. I became obsessed with taking my blood pressure to the point of sleeping with a cuff on. I have had to have people watch me sleep. Stand in the bathroom while I shower and stay with me so I wouldn't be alone at any time. My symptoms now. Inabity to take deep breaths. Racing heart in excess of 180 at times. Feelings of impending doom. Sweats. Feeling faint. Dizziness. I am now on zoloft and klonopin. They have raised my dose to 150 mg. I was what I call in remission for several months and now it's back. I long for peace. I Lon to not be the person that is writin this book in a forum and I desire comfort for all of you here that suffer this way. I would just love someone to talk to really