HIV Anxiety

[GM1987]

Hello all,
I don't really know where this anxiety came from, but it's been bothering me for about a month and a half now.

Basically, on Jan. 3 I was starting my new quarter at the University I'm attending. A couple of my classmates and I decided to go to a diner where I had contact with what appeared to be a hitchhiker. All we did was shake each others' hand.
Randomly, after a couple of hours, I got the spontaneous idea that this man stuck a needle into my hand so he could contaminate me with the HIV virus. As absurd as it may sound, I was VERY confident that the event had taken place (although I didn't remember it actually happening) and that I was infected with the HIV virus (although numerous people told me chances were very low, nearly slim 0.3%, assuming the "needle" was contaminated with HIV). After 42 or so days (Feb. 13), I decided to go get an HIV test to put my worries to the side. At the University, they told me that my HIV result would come back in a week so as recommended, I went to a nearby clinic to take a 20 minute test. Negative.

Now, spontaneously, I have some feeling that I was stuck by a needle when I entered the clinic. I remember standing in line and looking through the glass to see if a needle was attached to the door handle and couldn't really see anything that suggested a sharp object. Note that I do not remember being stuck with anything but I'm thinking that this is denial, as investigation of the door handle must have derived from an actual puncture. A clear plastic tape had been wrapped around the door handle when I had my initial "contact." On the day that this may have happened, I thought that someone had fixated the needle and hence, the presence of the clear plastic tape. I decided to go back after four days (Feb. 16) and still saw the clear plastic tape wrapped around the door handle. True, likely it would have been noticed by clinic staff or other members of the public who also use the doors. But what if no one had reported it? I was there at about 2:30PM so I'm guessing the clinic must have been open for about 6 hours...

This issue has been bothering me and I don't know what the heck is going on with me and if I should believe the ID which is apparently taking control of my EGO while the SUPEREGO is put to shame.

Funny...but I'm a Psychology student and have never had any problems like this. I think I'm the one that has gone crazy.

What do you all think?

[juliana]

Hi GM. Have you gone and talked to a doctor about the fears you're having? Not just about HIV -- but about your "spontaneous" ideas about being stuck with a needle?

Starting university can trigger big changes in your emotional state -- any major life change can -- and the stress can manifest itself in lots of ways.

It sounds like you're dealing with some major anxiety and some paranoia. The fact that the issue of being stuck with needles is repeating itself suggests that your mind is kind of messing with you. Sometimes when we're under stress our minds will choose one fear to obsess over.

I'm sure you know LOGICALLY that if a person had stuck you with a needle while shaking your hand or if a door handle had a needle taped to it, you would have noticed at the time. Someone in a clinic CERTAINLY would have noticed a needle on a door handle. The tape you mentioned was probably left from a sign being hung on the door or something equally innocuous. Something is happening in your mind -- replaying and rewriting mundane scenarios and adding some very frightening elements.

My mum went through a lot of paranoid thoughts and anxiety when I was a teenager. She believed that people were breaking into our home in the middle of the night, drugging her (sticking her with needles), etc. She was CERTAIN these things had happened and had very clear memories of these events even though they didn't happen -- and of course the "memories" were terrifying for her and caused her a great deal of anxiety. Her condition was triggered by stress following a traumatic event. It was very scary and upsetting at the time, but she got help and she has been doing very well ever since and hasn't had a recurrence in 20 years.

So, I know that what you're going through is very scary and causing you a lot of anxiety. Go see a doctor or one of the therapists or psychological counsellors on your campus. Be totally honest about the thoughts you're having and I'm sure you'll make some progress in getting to the bottom of why this is happening to you. I wish you all the best. Good luck!

[Mark1886]

Hi GM,

As someone who has had an HIV test i know how terrifying the whole experience is, all was ok in the end though. I feel duty bound to let you know that in order to do an HIV test, you must wait 3 months until the test can be done with any accuracy. The HIV antibodies do not establish themselves for around three months which is why one has to wait.

You are able to get treatment drugs immediately to kill off the HIV virus if there is no doubt that you have been exposed to the virus. This was all explained to me by my father (a Doctor) and a nurse in the clinic. In other words, i would advise you get tested again at the beginning of March. Then you will have a reliable answer and can work on forgetting/dealing with the anxiety and disturbing thoughts.

Hope this helps.

[GM1987]

Thank you for all of your wonderful replies.

juliana, I think you exposed a lot of informative ideas that apply to me.
Actually, my grandmother died this month after a terrible battle with cancer. This was all happening at home for about six months so some distinct "damage" must have taken place but I'm guessing it'll get better as time goes on. My father died about nine years ago and although I don't recall any major obsessions like this one - I can assure that my anxiety then was put to other reoccurring thoughts and emotions.

Mark1886, for someone who has become an expert at HIV ;) - the "Window Period" is actually 4-6 weeks. The CDC dropped their conservative period from 6 to 3 months and some locations throughout have finalized the 6 week guideline.
Dr. HHH on MedHelp has previously stated that
"With modern antibody tests (including OraSure Advance), virtually everybody (probably 99% or higher) has a positive result within 7 weeks of catching HIV."

I guess to put these thoughts to an end, I'll have to take another test towards the end of March. Funny thing is, I don't really have a problem taking the test because somehow I know I'll end up getting a negative result. But the period towards it, is just hell. Although I am able to function normally - it's always on the back of my mind.

[GM1987]

juliana, I think your post helped me a lot - honestly speaking.
I just want to thank you.

[Mark1886]

Mucho apologies GM, i had the test a number of years ago, so the accuracy must have improved, which is marvellous as i know i was a wreck waiting for mine.

[GM1987]

No problem Mark!
You're right, waiting causes so much more anxiety but I guess you have to take everything day by day.
The mind is a powerful thing - it convinces you of things that are not true and I think this is what's happening with me.

The entire guilt of going to a clinic over something that was irrational in the first place is causing this anxiety, in my opinion.
It was in a very poor neighborhood and the clinic was full of people, all over the place. I don't think it was a place I really wanted to be at and therefore, from all of the stress, I may have started to make some stuff up.

[GM1987]

After a couple of days, I went back and guess what, the clear plastic tape was still around the door handle...
I think I'm going to start taking the RATIONAL approach in hopes of helping myself.
How often do people stick each other with needles?
How often do people stick needles on door handles to contaminate others?
And why do I, out of all the possibilities, start thinking that someone out there is trying to hurt me specifically using one - what appears to be - irrational technique?

In either of the cases, I never saw a "needle" although I've always been sure that "no syringe was involved." Sure, many things can feel like a needle stick but are they necessarily that?

Even when I've finally put the hitchhiker story to the side, I'm still stressing over the incident that happened at the clinic.
The only memory I have is of me checking the door handle for a "needle" although I never recall the actual incident happening in the first place.

And in the following case where lets say, a "needle" was placed - why is the clear plastic tape still around the door handle?
Because no one has noticed it? Someone has removed the "needle" and still kept the tape?
Irrational.

Sure, only I could notice it because I'm the needle expert...