I am not my brain
07-21-2012, 10:54 AM
Since the world is being took over by the atheist perspective, and science has become the new religion I decided to do some research and have become really depressed, crying for the last 4-5 days. I feel empty, vulnerable, and alone.
I know no one is going to feel like reading this sad message, but I have a lot to get off my mind and this is where I have decided to clear it.
Over the last two years I have experience by far the most challenging experience of my life. Between this unrelenting mental sickness, to addictions, to withdrawals. There were many days and months I was fighting for my life. I had many thoughts of suicide, I didn't feel like living anymore. My quality of life was so bad, but there was one thing that kept me going I feel, and that was God.
There were many times I had no one to talk too. I got to a point where family didn't want to here my problems anymore. I can remember my mom telling me she didn't feel like listening to me, and it made me realize family is a faulty support group. There was one thing I did always have though, prayer. I knew no matter how much pain I was in God would never tell me he didn't feel like listening to me. I knew he was open arms. Whenever I was at my worst point that is who I would speak too, and I got relief from that. It was my reason to keep going.
Everywhere were I see someone of faith, someone professing their faith, I see an atheist there spewing there hatred, their bitterness, insulting people of faith by rudely saying it does not exist. I take it this way because this was my foundation, it was my identity, it was my tool and code for how to live my life. When someone insults faith, they insults me.
Now I'm left left to question my existence, my destiny. I fell as if my foundation has been cracked due to exploring this point of view. I still don't know what this mystery of life is about, and I believe how hard we try to find the answer we still have not found them I'm scared of death, I'm scared not to see my family after I leave here. I'm scared not to have anyone to turn to when I'm in need. I'm scared to be alone.
I have learned a lot the last several years of my life. I have learned how cruel, mean, nasty, ruthless this world is, and the people who live and rule it. I felt that I had to adapt an be strong, and no matter how bad I suffer there was somewhere better waiting for me after I left this here. I feel like I wasn't meant to be here, my personality was not fit for this Earth.
I don't know what to expect now. I have no idea what to think. I can't come to terms to fading away to nothing, not even knowing I existed. I have to search harder for the truth, and not let others tell me ideas they see as fact, and take that as the truth. That's one reason I can't stand human beings, they think they know everything, even the most simple minded people.
There is no need for anyone to stop by and leave me an ignorant comment. To kick me when I'm down. To try and destroy me any further because I will not be back to read the comments. I'd just like to say to people of faith to keep believing, and not let others try to destroy your views in replace with theirs.
Like the great historian Oswald Spengler said there are no eternal truths, so even if i don't find my truth, I know that there are no complete facts out here, and my guess is as good as the next persons.
I really don't feel like going on anymore, but hopefully I can muster up enough strength to get through this struggle, and find peace within myself once again.
I wish everyone the best, and for a speedy recovery.
I know no one is going to feel like reading this sad message, but I have a lot to get off my mind and this is where I have decided to clear it.
Over the last two years I have experience by far the most challenging experience of my life. Between this unrelenting mental sickness, to addictions, to withdrawals. There were many days and months I was fighting for my life. I had many thoughts of suicide, I didn't feel like living anymore. My quality of life was so bad, but there was one thing that kept me going I feel, and that was God.
There were many times I had no one to talk too. I got to a point where family didn't want to here my problems anymore. I can remember my mom telling me she didn't feel like listening to me, and it made me realize family is a faulty support group. There was one thing I did always have though, prayer. I knew no matter how much pain I was in God would never tell me he didn't feel like listening to me. I knew he was open arms. Whenever I was at my worst point that is who I would speak too, and I got relief from that. It was my reason to keep going.
Everywhere were I see someone of faith, someone professing their faith, I see an atheist there spewing there hatred, their bitterness, insulting people of faith by rudely saying it does not exist. I take it this way because this was my foundation, it was my identity, it was my tool and code for how to live my life. When someone insults faith, they insults me.
Now I'm left left to question my existence, my destiny. I fell as if my foundation has been cracked due to exploring this point of view. I still don't know what this mystery of life is about, and I believe how hard we try to find the answer we still have not found them I'm scared of death, I'm scared not to see my family after I leave here. I'm scared not to have anyone to turn to when I'm in need. I'm scared to be alone.
I have learned a lot the last several years of my life. I have learned how cruel, mean, nasty, ruthless this world is, and the people who live and rule it. I felt that I had to adapt an be strong, and no matter how bad I suffer there was somewhere better waiting for me after I left this here. I feel like I wasn't meant to be here, my personality was not fit for this Earth.
I don't know what to expect now. I have no idea what to think. I can't come to terms to fading away to nothing, not even knowing I existed. I have to search harder for the truth, and not let others tell me ideas they see as fact, and take that as the truth. That's one reason I can't stand human beings, they think they know everything, even the most simple minded people.
There is no need for anyone to stop by and leave me an ignorant comment. To kick me when I'm down. To try and destroy me any further because I will not be back to read the comments. I'd just like to say to people of faith to keep believing, and not let others try to destroy your views in replace with theirs.
Like the great historian Oswald Spengler said there are no eternal truths, so even if i don't find my truth, I know that there are no complete facts out here, and my guess is as good as the next persons.
I really don't feel like going on anymore, but hopefully I can muster up enough strength to get through this struggle, and find peace within myself once again.
I wish everyone the best, and for a speedy recovery.