Peak
07-20-2012, 07:17 AM
Well this is my first post here and I don't really know where to start. Basically I know that I suffer from Anxiety although I've never actually been 'diagnosed' with it. My GP knows I get anxious about things but she doesn't know just how much it affects me and that it has all my life (since a small child). As a result I find it hard to be impartial/reasoned/calm about anything to do with my health and at the moment I have a few health 'issues' which I don't know if I should be concerned about or not. To put it more accurately, I am concerned, it's on my mind almost every minute of every day and fear death is minutes away all the time but the more rational part of my brain says that I shouldn't be concerned or at least not as concerned as I am.
I know I can't get a diagnosis here and I'm not expecting one - part of my problem is that I don't believe a diagnoses as I always expect the worse - I suppose I'm just looking for opinions, reassurance other peoples experience, and perhaps some guidance.
Before I describe what is happening now it would probably be useful if I give you all some background info.
I had a fairly traumatic childhood and spent much of it feeling anxious and also turned to food for comfort. As a result I became fat and stayed that way all my life. Because of this I always thought as a child/teenager that I would probably die young and that it would be from a heart attack and so anything to do with my heart just terrifies me and makes me think that I am being proved right. Pathetic I know.
Jumping ahead 20+ years I had a bit of a health scare when I was in my late 20's (I'm about to turn 40) when I developed a growth on my back. Stupidly I was too scared to see my GP and as it got bigger and bigger I became convinced that it must be cancer and that as I had now left it so long I was done for. As the months went on I started getting heart palpitations that became so bad that I could barely move without my heart performing a drum roll and/or feeling like it was going to jump out of my chest. I finally went to my GP (about my heart) and described the symptoms. He took my blood pressure and it was raised and asked if I was anxious about anything. It was at that stage that I mentioned the growth on my back. He took one look at it and said "oh that's nothing, I can snip that off now for you if you like?". The very second he said that something very strange happened, I literally felt every single bit of stress drain from my body from my head down to my toes literally like a wave washing over me, almost like a rush of blood to the head but in reverse. The relief was massive! He put me on a short course of beta blockers for the blood pressure and said that the palpitations and raised BP were all due to stress but that yes I should loose some weight. Before I even took the first pill the palpitations had completely stopped but I finished the course. As a precaution he also sent me to the hospital to have a 12 lead ECG/EKG but this came back completely normal.
For the next 10 years I had my BP checked every year and it was always normal and never had any heart palpitations but I continued to pile on the pounds.
Then about 4 years ago I started getting palpitations again and went to my new GP who again took my BP and found it to be raised around 150/80. I was then put on some Ace Inhibitors which I'm still on but one of the side effects was that I do get the odd dizzy spell which I never had before I took the drugs. Over the course of a few months my GP performed a number of 12 lead ECG/EKG to check my heart but because I never had a palpitation when they were done everything looked completely normal. Then one day they did manage to capture a palpitation on the ECG and told me that it had picked up something but they didn't know what it was and referred me to the hospital. The hospital performed a 24hr ECG which recorded dozens of palpitations and they also did an ultrasound of my heart. When I saw the consultant at the end he simply said that there was nothing wrong with my heart and that some peoples hearts just does this and there's no explanation for it and that basically I should just ignore it and get on with my life. I didn't find this at all reassuring as I wanted to know why it was happening and more importantly I wanted it to stop as it scares the hell out of me and plays havoc with my anxiety levels! At the same time as all of this my GP also noticed that my cholesterol level was high and as by this time I was just over 20 Stone (280lbs) I started a diet lost around 4 stone and my BP came down to almost normal as did my cholesterol level. During all of this, I can't remember the exact chronology of it I told my GP that I was getting 'chest pains' and said that 'pain' was the wrong word, more like sensations. The 'pain' I was getting was very short (a second at most) sharp twinges and/or duller almost muscle like twinges again lasting just a second. As I wasn't getting short of breath, no pains down the arms etc etc she said that it was almost certainly nothing and dismissed it.
By now I was around 16 stone (224lbs) and feeling much better but then my wife and I faced a very traumatic time when after 7 years of fertility treatment we decided that we had to stop. This hit us like a ton of bricks and my anxiety levels went through the roof and I put all the weight back on over the next 18 months! During this time I also started having counseling which seemed to help but then one day my wife and I were on a city break to Bath and I thought I felt fine, completely relaxed, nothing on my mind and enjoying myself. All of a sudden whilst walking around the Roman Baths my heart started racing incredibly fast and irregularly, I felt light headed and was terrified that this was the heart attack I've always been expecting. I went to Accident and Emergency at Bath hospital who performed tests and found that my BP was very high 170/100 (much higher than usual which by now was around 130/80) and my heart rate was around 190bpm. Apart from that though they could fine nothing wrong with me and effectively said that they thought it was 'just' a panic attack. I was discharged and by the time I got back to the hotel I felt completely fine.
So bringing it up to the present day. My BP is around 140/80 but my cholesterol is high again. My GP isn't worried about it because he said that it went down when I lost weight but I am. I worried about it because I can't help but think that whilst the ECG and Ultrasound of my heart showed there was nothing wrong with it that perhaps I have narrowing of the arteries due to my cholesterol level! I started another diet 2 weeks ago and have already lost around 7lbs partly through diet and partly due to the fact that we have turned our conservatory into a gym having purchased a treadmill and a rowing machine which I use 4 times a week for 45 minutes a time. I also use a chest strap heart rate monitor just so I can keep a track of my heart rate. Anway since using the 'gym' I've noticed that I'm getting 'chest pains' again. Again pain is too big a word, sensations are more accurate. They are all on the left hand side, the occasional one or two in the middle or on the right hand side. All only last for a second and are either sharp or dull like a pulled muscle. One in particular is in my left shoulder blade on my back which initially feels like it's in my chest but then I realise is on my back. This feels exactly like a pulled muscle and I logically I believe it is as I do suffer with back problems and my left shoulder is frequently giving me problems. The other 'pains' seem to happen all over the left side. I don't get any pain going up the neck, in the jaw etc. Needless to say this has done my anxiety the world of good and yet again I'm fearing a heart attack every few minutes. The logic part of my brain is saying "you are just unfit and your body is just feeling the strain of exercise" because I never have any problems in exercising, I never get chest pains, never feel weak, out of breath, it never gets worse with exercise or improve when I stop. Bizarrely it mostly happens when I'm not doing anything like sat on the train, watching TV etc. When I'm at work I'm often so busy that I either don't notice it or it goes away but I'm now so acutely aware of every twinge that even the most innocuous 'twinge' makes me feel stressed.
Should I be worried? There's a part of me that wants to see the GP but there is also a part of me that doesnt. I don't because if they tell me it's nothing I won't believe them and I also don't want to pander to my anxiety. I know my anxiety is now beginning to control my life more and more and so I don't want to give in to every fear and concern. Also, being completely honest, I feel embarrassed to be like this and find it very hard to ask for help. I know my GP doesn't know how much anxiety affects my life but I find it hard to actually open up and tell her. I feel like I want to scream "give me some drugs!" to stop me worrying about everything but I don't even know if there are any drugs that would do this.
Many apologies for the length of this post, I've just been bottling this up for a few weeks now and it kinda came flooding out!
I know I can't get a diagnosis here and I'm not expecting one - part of my problem is that I don't believe a diagnoses as I always expect the worse - I suppose I'm just looking for opinions, reassurance other peoples experience, and perhaps some guidance.
Before I describe what is happening now it would probably be useful if I give you all some background info.
I had a fairly traumatic childhood and spent much of it feeling anxious and also turned to food for comfort. As a result I became fat and stayed that way all my life. Because of this I always thought as a child/teenager that I would probably die young and that it would be from a heart attack and so anything to do with my heart just terrifies me and makes me think that I am being proved right. Pathetic I know.
Jumping ahead 20+ years I had a bit of a health scare when I was in my late 20's (I'm about to turn 40) when I developed a growth on my back. Stupidly I was too scared to see my GP and as it got bigger and bigger I became convinced that it must be cancer and that as I had now left it so long I was done for. As the months went on I started getting heart palpitations that became so bad that I could barely move without my heart performing a drum roll and/or feeling like it was going to jump out of my chest. I finally went to my GP (about my heart) and described the symptoms. He took my blood pressure and it was raised and asked if I was anxious about anything. It was at that stage that I mentioned the growth on my back. He took one look at it and said "oh that's nothing, I can snip that off now for you if you like?". The very second he said that something very strange happened, I literally felt every single bit of stress drain from my body from my head down to my toes literally like a wave washing over me, almost like a rush of blood to the head but in reverse. The relief was massive! He put me on a short course of beta blockers for the blood pressure and said that the palpitations and raised BP were all due to stress but that yes I should loose some weight. Before I even took the first pill the palpitations had completely stopped but I finished the course. As a precaution he also sent me to the hospital to have a 12 lead ECG/EKG but this came back completely normal.
For the next 10 years I had my BP checked every year and it was always normal and never had any heart palpitations but I continued to pile on the pounds.
Then about 4 years ago I started getting palpitations again and went to my new GP who again took my BP and found it to be raised around 150/80. I was then put on some Ace Inhibitors which I'm still on but one of the side effects was that I do get the odd dizzy spell which I never had before I took the drugs. Over the course of a few months my GP performed a number of 12 lead ECG/EKG to check my heart but because I never had a palpitation when they were done everything looked completely normal. Then one day they did manage to capture a palpitation on the ECG and told me that it had picked up something but they didn't know what it was and referred me to the hospital. The hospital performed a 24hr ECG which recorded dozens of palpitations and they also did an ultrasound of my heart. When I saw the consultant at the end he simply said that there was nothing wrong with my heart and that some peoples hearts just does this and there's no explanation for it and that basically I should just ignore it and get on with my life. I didn't find this at all reassuring as I wanted to know why it was happening and more importantly I wanted it to stop as it scares the hell out of me and plays havoc with my anxiety levels! At the same time as all of this my GP also noticed that my cholesterol level was high and as by this time I was just over 20 Stone (280lbs) I started a diet lost around 4 stone and my BP came down to almost normal as did my cholesterol level. During all of this, I can't remember the exact chronology of it I told my GP that I was getting 'chest pains' and said that 'pain' was the wrong word, more like sensations. The 'pain' I was getting was very short (a second at most) sharp twinges and/or duller almost muscle like twinges again lasting just a second. As I wasn't getting short of breath, no pains down the arms etc etc she said that it was almost certainly nothing and dismissed it.
By now I was around 16 stone (224lbs) and feeling much better but then my wife and I faced a very traumatic time when after 7 years of fertility treatment we decided that we had to stop. This hit us like a ton of bricks and my anxiety levels went through the roof and I put all the weight back on over the next 18 months! During this time I also started having counseling which seemed to help but then one day my wife and I were on a city break to Bath and I thought I felt fine, completely relaxed, nothing on my mind and enjoying myself. All of a sudden whilst walking around the Roman Baths my heart started racing incredibly fast and irregularly, I felt light headed and was terrified that this was the heart attack I've always been expecting. I went to Accident and Emergency at Bath hospital who performed tests and found that my BP was very high 170/100 (much higher than usual which by now was around 130/80) and my heart rate was around 190bpm. Apart from that though they could fine nothing wrong with me and effectively said that they thought it was 'just' a panic attack. I was discharged and by the time I got back to the hotel I felt completely fine.
So bringing it up to the present day. My BP is around 140/80 but my cholesterol is high again. My GP isn't worried about it because he said that it went down when I lost weight but I am. I worried about it because I can't help but think that whilst the ECG and Ultrasound of my heart showed there was nothing wrong with it that perhaps I have narrowing of the arteries due to my cholesterol level! I started another diet 2 weeks ago and have already lost around 7lbs partly through diet and partly due to the fact that we have turned our conservatory into a gym having purchased a treadmill and a rowing machine which I use 4 times a week for 45 minutes a time. I also use a chest strap heart rate monitor just so I can keep a track of my heart rate. Anway since using the 'gym' I've noticed that I'm getting 'chest pains' again. Again pain is too big a word, sensations are more accurate. They are all on the left hand side, the occasional one or two in the middle or on the right hand side. All only last for a second and are either sharp or dull like a pulled muscle. One in particular is in my left shoulder blade on my back which initially feels like it's in my chest but then I realise is on my back. This feels exactly like a pulled muscle and I logically I believe it is as I do suffer with back problems and my left shoulder is frequently giving me problems. The other 'pains' seem to happen all over the left side. I don't get any pain going up the neck, in the jaw etc. Needless to say this has done my anxiety the world of good and yet again I'm fearing a heart attack every few minutes. The logic part of my brain is saying "you are just unfit and your body is just feeling the strain of exercise" because I never have any problems in exercising, I never get chest pains, never feel weak, out of breath, it never gets worse with exercise or improve when I stop. Bizarrely it mostly happens when I'm not doing anything like sat on the train, watching TV etc. When I'm at work I'm often so busy that I either don't notice it or it goes away but I'm now so acutely aware of every twinge that even the most innocuous 'twinge' makes me feel stressed.
Should I be worried? There's a part of me that wants to see the GP but there is also a part of me that doesnt. I don't because if they tell me it's nothing I won't believe them and I also don't want to pander to my anxiety. I know my anxiety is now beginning to control my life more and more and so I don't want to give in to every fear and concern. Also, being completely honest, I feel embarrassed to be like this and find it very hard to ask for help. I know my GP doesn't know how much anxiety affects my life but I find it hard to actually open up and tell her. I feel like I want to scream "give me some drugs!" to stop me worrying about everything but I don't even know if there are any drugs that would do this.
Many apologies for the length of this post, I've just been bottling this up for a few weeks now and it kinda came flooding out!