Help Please

[raggamuffin]

Hi all,

I thought I might be able to get some peace of mind regarding my various pains and worries and maybe some advice on where to go next. I've posted here before but I can't seem to recall when it was and the situation hasn't improved much at all. I'll apologize now as getting all my thoughts, pains and fears down will take up quite a lot of space. I had a few months of on and off panic attacks but the main issue has always been daily pains and symptoms. At first I had a panic attack which made me quit smoking cannabis and tobacco cold turkey. I'm somewhat thankful that anxiety was at the forefront of my mind as smoking pangs were virtually nonexistent. But 6 months later I caved in after a short stint of cravings. The first joint gave me a panic attack but I continued smoking for another 5 months. I had 1 joint a night, by the end I could barely manage that. Every time I smoked I tended to feel tense and worried more than usual. Thankfully I had another craving to quit and i'm currently 8 days into it.

But from the first panic attack I never felt the same, I was on edge to say the least. I kept fretting about possible permanent damage done by smoking. I get pains everyday and everywhere, I loose count of how many pains I get a day. it's easily over 50 a day. Here's a few places that mainly affect me

Chest - everywhere from centre to sides, around the heart, sharp, mild, short, continuous, burning etc
Shoulder - aches and pains
Ribs - aching, bruised feelings, tender, stabbing, left side lower, upper, towards the back etc
Jaw - aching and shooting pains
Left arm pains
Abdomen - bloated, general pain and discomfort, gas etc, varying severity and location
Headaches and eyeaches

Virtually everything symptom I can think of i've experienced and when it occurs I immediately think the worst or think to myself "Why does this hurt, what's wrong? When will I feel normal again?" Also the fear of a heart attack and cancer or any of the other big worries plays on my mind constantly. The busier I am the less frequent they are, but it's always in the back of my mind, lurking and before I know it I can be fixating on it all over again. All very unnerving, but all of the symptoms I listed were dismissed by local GP's after they simply listened to my heart in various locations when breathing in and out and taking my blood pressure multiple times.

The pains continued as did the worry so I took it upon myself to visit the hospital and collapsed in the A&E entrance with a full on panic attack. I was rushed off to a ward and had an EKG, chest Xray and urine and blood pressure tests about 9 months ago gave me the all clear. Next up I visited a chiropractor who thought it might be Tietze's syndrome and got to work with a rib adjustor and various other techniques to help my pains and also my posture. This didn't help the wide array of pains either.

I tried citalopram 20mg daily. It did nothing except make finishing up during sex harder. Diazepam 5mg took the edge off one panic attack. The other 5 tablets did nothing when I was feeling horrific on 5 separate occasions over 3 months which in turn led to more worry and dread. I got the Linden Method but i'm struggling to even convince myself this is all anxiety and even being on this forum is clearly in contradiction to several of the "pillars".

I'm currently on a waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy. But even with all the doctor's and talks and reassurance I don't think I can admit to believing it's all anxiety based. I've become wrapped in a world of health anxiety and because the symptoms and pains are daily and so varied I'm always left worrying.

I suppose I just wanted to get everything written down. If anyone could offer any advice to deal with the aches and pains and maybe from an anxiety perspective too i'd be much obliged as i'm finding it harder to cope day by day. I've got through over a year of these daily pains and it's not killed me yet. In a way I suppose I agree with Linden in that people with anxiety, living through daily strife and pains are brave. But at the same time I feel alienated from my own body and I feel like a complete coward for not having control and fearing everything.

I think the best word I can describe myself at present is faulty. Whilst I appreciate how brave many people are to cope with anxiety for years and even decades I don't want to really have to cope. I want to find a way to conquer it and at present i'm struggling to even admit to myself it is anxiety. I don't want this anxiety to wind up turning into actual real health problems later in life. I need to somehow take control of it now and i'd prefer to do it without the use of drugs to mask the symptoms.

Ed

[alankay]

I'd talk with a psychologist/therapist as it could be something in your past/present bothering you, etc. It does sound like anxiety. Alankay

[raggamuffin]

I suppose one thing that's been fixated on even before these pains and symptoms is my dad. He had a ehart attack when he was younger. but not only that, it's his 77th birthday in a week. I'm fixated and terrified at the thought of him dying and how my mum will cope and such like. I've been a worrier for over 10 years. I wonder if it's finally making itself known physically as well mentally.

Ed

[natigirl513]

Oh please help us . All the pains you have described I have all of them . Literally. You are the first person I have seen have some that I do and all of them . I too quit smoking cigarettes because I thought that then might have something to do with the way I feel. I have been smoke free fer a few weeks now but keep having there urges I pretty much quit cold Turkey too. The worse pain I have is my shoulders. Its the most unbearable one. This is because its so continues. Do you have this problem?

[natigirl513]

I just saw your other post as I was done writing my last reply. My poppy had a heart attack and passed away a few moths after has heart attack last year. He was 77. I was there when it happened. And recall after it happened I was at the hospital and he told me he hope I never have to experience what he had too. I also am aware that I have a mild heart condition. Do you think this could be causing there symptoms that are so close to the ones of a heart attack.

[raggamuffin]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply. I understand that quitting smoking can cause a lot of anxiety in itself. But I think after a while you can't have a guilt free cigarette. When you're addicted for a few years you start to think about the "what if's" especially if you're an anxious person. I can get very severe shoulder pains, which again I convince to myself that they're heart related. But the hospital heart tests seemed to be fine, as was blood pressure etc. A cholestoral test a few years ago was fine and i'm not overweight. The chest pains come and go. On the whole I get waves of certain symptoms. For instance the past few weeks was abdominal pains so I immediately started internet researching and in turn more symptoms came about. The weekend and today has been various rib pains, some of which have been very intense. It's hard to cope at times. I think it's my mind over-working itself that's amplifying these aches and pains. I seem to simply fixate on something and then it's always there nagging at me. Then out of the blue a few days later a new pain might come along and lo and behold then i'm fixating on that.

I'm very sorry about your loss, it must have been very difficult. I'm not too sure how i'll cope in all honesty. But my mum and dad are so close. Never really seen a couple work so well together as they do. Me and my girlfriend are looking into moving in with each other in a year or so. I'm overcome with guilt at present. Even the idea of leaving home makes me feel nothing but guilt. I recall how upset my parents were when my brother went to uni. I decided to go to a local uni so I would avoid upsetting my parents. When my dad passes I think i'd feel compelled to stay with my mum. I know parents expect their children to leave. But then I worry that when I leave my brother will soon as well and they love this house and say they don't ever want to move, but if we both left it'd be too big and lonely for them.

As you can see my brain works overtime and it's never really in a positive way. Hopefully this CBT will help, I just struggle to think that anxiety is capable of so many physical symptoms and pains. It's utterly debilitating.

Ed

[raggamuffin]

PS I found a link that might be of help natigirl. I'll PM you it

Ed

[natigirl513]

Thanks I received the message :)