Just need answers :(

[jason787]

Ok so I'm a 18 year old male from England. First things first, I used to smoke A LOT of cannabis and instarted to worry about what effect it was having on my brain and this is how my problems started. One day, high as a kite from smoking weed with my mates, I was walking home and for some reason I kept looking behind me, thinking someone was following me or someone in a car was going to pull up and jump me and I know what you're thinking, that the weed had made me paranoid anyways all of a sudden i said to my self "oh my god, the weed has made you paranoid) and now my life has never been the same. I got this massive shock down my body ( almost like I'd just jumped in a freezing cold bath) my heart was racing and I was scared sh*tless. I thought I was going crazy, Infact I was sure I was. I just wanted to get home and lock my self in my bedroom. Moving on, a week or 2 later I was showering, and I remember looking at my hands and almost everything seemed like I was in a dream, and then the feeling came again, my heart racing, body shaking. I remember getting out of this shower, and just standing there, everything seemed crazy, it was like I had lost my Mind, nothing looked right? It was like when I looked at something I was tripping? Anyways my life has never been the same, I convinced my self I was crazy. I had stuck thoughts ( kept relating my name in my head) it scared the shit out off me but all that has stopped apart from the weird vision thing. For example, I'm shit scared of getting
My hair cut (don't laugh lol) because I always get really nervous and when I'm say in the seat I start to panic and I think "what if I start to trip" "what will I do?". Somedays I'm fine and someday I'm really bad. This morning I woke up fine and I've been doing my driving lessons recently and I've not been panicking like I do at the barbers , until today, I think it's because this morning I convinced my self I was going to get the strange feeling while I was on my lesson. The best way I can exsplain to you how my anxiety works is like a fire that starts off really small ( this is the beginning of me feeling the weird feeling) then the fire has petrol poured on ( this is where I realise I'm feeling strange and start to get the racing heart) and then eventually the air burns up ( I calm down and feel fine) I know this may seem so stupid and I probably sound a idiot but i cant exsplain how I feel any better. It's like this dream like feeling, like I'm going to go crazy or my
Minds going to freak out. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought it would just go away, but it hasn't.
I've never told anyone and I don't want to go to the doctors because that is not a option, I've gone weeks without having this feeling so I know I can complete cure my self, I just need a few answers.
Thank you so much if you took the time to read this, it would mean the world to me if someone could talk to me, I just want to open up and tell someone how I feel!

[Amy1986]

Hi Jason :)

My names Amy, suffered very badly in the past so I can relate to some of your symptoms.

First and foremost I assume your not smoking weed anymore? If you are, don't. Why is seeing a doc not an option? Have you considered counselling? Have you shared this with your family? Apologies for all the questions, :) Don't want to bombard you lol

Are you currently working? Or uni? Don't worry, your not alone here and we'll do anything to help :) I've been here a year ish and it's helped me no end.

Amy

[jason787]

hello :)

I haven't told any of my family and I don't really plan on it, I'm too embarrassed ( this is also why I don't want to see a doctor as well). Yes, I've stopped smoking weed. I haven't smoked weed for like a year as it scared the sh*t out of me. I work away through the week so I'm only home on a weekend. My life's good, I'm earning so much money, got everything lined up (driving lessons, holiday) therefore I don't have any reason to feel like this. I'm single, have a great social life. If I told my friends how I felt they would just laugh and not understand. I don't plan on seeing a doctor, I just need to know if this sounds like anxiety? I've convinced my self it is..

Thanks!x

[Amy1986]

Yep sounds like it to me with perhaps a hint of paranoia. The fact your still living a 'normal life' is wonderful, it doesn't seem to have influenced your decisions too much :)

Is the public panic your biggest worry? You have nothing to be embarrassed about hun, doctors hear this stuff everyday. Do any of your family suffer from mental health issues?

[jason787]

My "anxiety" seems to be at its worst when I'm not entertained, in public, or the day after consuming a lot of alcohol. I don't think any of my family have had any mental illnesses and I couldn't face telling them how I feel. I think it's because I don't like close people or family seeing me sad or upset. I've never cried in front of my family and I've never sat down with them and told them how I feel about anything. I don't really like people to know im upset and that i have problems, as I care what people think of me. I all ways ask my self "why me?" or "am I the only one who feels like this"

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Thanks!x

[Amy1986]

Hey no worries hun :) I'll reply every time (realise I sound like I have no life, I just like spending time talking to ppl I can relate to) lol

I think it's wonderful you've come on here to try and help yourself, I see too many ppl suffer in silence or are in denial about their illness etc.

Your a bit like me, without distraction I obsess about everything which leads to anxious Amy :) I've dealt with it for 6 years, I have a kind of 'fuck anxiety' attitude. As long as you never let it stop your life, as long as you maintain your routine and never give in it will go or become easier to live with. You sound strong willed, that's a good start :)

[jason787]

Yep, I guess you're right. I need to stay strong and try to not let it bother me. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling like this. Thanks for helping me understand, you've really reassured me and now I feel great (untill I wake up tomorrow and all this shit starts again)

[Amy1986]

When u wake up and feel shitty it helps to tell someone.

If u like u can always private message me when u wake up and I'll try to reassure u once I wake up though I have a five hour time difference to you ATM.

The beauty of this place is you can tell ppl time and time again the same problems or worries and you won't get left alone, you'll always get support from here :)

[jason787]

That is really reassuring! Thank you! I'll
Keep that in mind. Once again, thank you! Good night :)

[Amy1986]

No problem :)

Sleep well