Am new and desperate

[donna80]

I have been battling with depression and anxiety for 5 years, Some of my symptoms are as follows:
Constant foggy head.
I'm forgetfull and my thoughts aren't sharp.
Heavy, thick feeling in head, almost pressure-like.

I dont know what to do.. . I had meds before they did not help me if anything made me worse.. I had my second daughter 7 weeks ago all normal (cept after i had heamorged as i had retained placenta) im 26, i am with her dad but we live apart as he wont move here as he is in a steady good paid job and has his own house and i wont move there as its 200 miles away from my safe zone!! i did try it for 3 weeks but all the below was going on..


I'm always disconnecting myself from reality by daydreaming and literally playing out different situations in my head with conversations and everything. This is hard to explain and I understand daydreaming is good for you, however I feel I'm doing it too much, but it's uncontrollable.
I'm Irritated by everything and I feel put-out by everything and everyone. I have no patience, a quick temper and can blow a fuse over the smallest things.
I'm uncomfortable around people and I'm always concerned what they are thinking of me and can never concentrate long enough to actually hear what they might be saying to me in a conversation.
Slight feelings of paranoia, like someones watching me or talking ill about me.
I'm always tired and sapped of energy. Sometimes I fight off sleepiness during the day etc. I've wondered if I may have a sleep disorder? Sometimes my sleep is deep with vivid dreams, other times I lay my head down and the next thing I know it's time to get up.
I've cried uncontrollably with feelings of hopelessness on a number of occasions. Severe mood swings, MY HEAD is so foggy i can not concentrate, its so heavy, i am geting the odd palpitation (happened few years ago had ekg), I just dont wnt to talk to anyone i am all here alone with my 2 kids my mum says snap out of it.. Doctor will just offer me meds even though they made me worse i ended up in er with raised everything.. I do have valium but afraid to take it as i have a med phobi due to the anidepressants..
This only compounds my mental problems and frustrates me incredibly.
I wanted some advice on what my problems might be. Is this severe depression? Mood disorder? Bipolar? Or a combination of things? I'm having some problems I am convinced theres something wrong with me, feels like my brain wants to just stop!! and i just want the whole world to go away for awhile so that I can find myself and catch up.
Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Donna xx

[V for Victor]

It may not be the best situation for you and your family if you're there with the kids and your husband is that far away.

You mentioned that you won't move there because it's 200 miles away from your safe zone? What is your safe zone, and what does it protect you from?

Also, do you worry about illness, contamination, or germs? Do you wash your hands frequently, repeatedly check things such as locks, the stove, and so on? Do you have intrusive thoughts that you cannot get out of your head? What about rituals that you perform over and over, perhaps a certain number of times.

The above are symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it's my main area of knowledge since I have it.


True, there is nothing wrong with daydreaming, but it sounds like it's overthrowing your reality.

The irritation and quick temper are likely a product of the stress you're going through. They're bad, but they're probably not the root of the problem, and don't need the attention that your depression/anxiety needs.

My suggestion would be to find a doctor who will TALK with you about your problems, and attempt to make a diagnosis, while not just giving you pills. The right medication can be very helpful in overcoming these things, and sometimes you have to try and around until you get the right one.

I was incredibly depressed before I started on medication, and feeling hopeless, and even suicidal at times. Once I talked to a doctor, I started on medication, and figured out what was wrong. The pills will help clear your mind and help you see what really needs to happen in order for you to succeed.

[juliana]

Hi Donna. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain. I have experienced a lot of the things you're going through. I had a severe reaction to Paxil years ago and it made me terrified of taking any drugs. Go and talk to a doctor about how you're feeling. If you're adamant about not taking drugs, tell your doctor. If they prescribe you drugs and you don't take them, it's just going to be a waste of time. I was determined not to take any medication for a number of years. My GP respected that and she referred me to a psychiatrist and a CBT therapist. A psychiatrist can help identify what's going on with you. Therapy can be incredibly helpful -- just having someone to talk to and understand what you're going through can make the weight on your mind a bit lighter. A CBT therapist can teach you some techniques to help you feel better -- and CBT therapists don't prescribe drugs.

I did end up taking medication eventually, but it was my choice. Therapy was incredibly helpful to me too. Once I got my life back and started feeling better, I weaned myself off the medication. The positive benefits of therapy and the confidence I gained have stayed with me. I wish you all the best. Just know that you're not alone.

[donna80]

thankyou for the replys

the thing that scares me is i had the meds and therapy years ago, all medication didnt agree with me seriously made my physcial symptoms so much worse.. and im afraid of any mind alering drugs i dont want to feel out of control i end up in a right panick taking any medication...

oh god what do i do im in a hell of a mess i do need meds i agree but i am terrified.. i can not go to the doctors tommorrow as my mum and dad are off away tonight fr a funeral in the morning and i have the kids im stressing over not having them to hand... i h8 this i really do..

[jitters]

I think you sound like you have GAD (genralised anxiety disorder) and possibly a little agrophobia due to your not wanting to move out of your comfort zone. These are hard things to deal with and somtimes the meds help. But if you cannot take them do not let this become a source of anxiety for you. Thay are not a miricle cure. You are the only person who can really cure yourself. You will find a lot of tips both here and on the web regarding dealing with anxiety issues. Basically you have to accept that the things you fear exist in your head and that you can change the way you think. Be positive, if possible force yourself to leave that comfort zone a little more each day. The move to be with your husband although stressful, could be very good for you. Accept that your problem is in all likelyhood just Anxiety holding you back. Then use this knowledge to push yourself forward, to help you face up to those deamons you currently allow to haunt you.

Recovery is a difficult and rocky road. We are here to help but ultimatly you are the master of you own destiny. Dont give in to the fear. "Feel the fear and do it anyway" tell yourself you can do this that it is O.K. to feel anxious but you wont let it dictate you actions.

Smile, you will gat better being here with others who feel as you do will help. Anything you want to get off your chest anything you feel Post it. You wont be alone. We've all been there.

Duncan

[deniseelaine]

Hi Donna,

couldent read this withought replying to you, hang in there hun, I know exactly what you are talking about with the head thing, Ive had this anxiety for 18 months know, and I really thing I have depression with it also, I get the same strange head feeling I just feel weried and if I venture out of what I call my safey zone the head thing gets so much worse and I feel like Im gonna pass out, this weekend has been shit, the doctor gave xanax for the anxiety but I dont feel there working so well now, but Im not sure if they are any good for depression which Im sure I have, maybe someone else can tell me if I should be on something else also for the depression, from the minute I wake I have no desire to see the day through no motivation nothing Im just glad when its bedtime again which makes me feel so useless, if you want to pm me donna please do, I find talking about this a great help, but hang in there and you will Im sure star to see the light at the end of the tunnel, take care and keep posting lots of hugs to you xxxxx