Partner with mental health problems...

[laurandisorder]

I was curious if anyone else here had a partner that has/had issues with their mental health? And how you cope/support each other.

When my partner and I met over 8 years ago, we knew what we were in for, so to speak. He knew about my Eating Disorder history and my depression, which I controlled through medication. I knew about his depression and anxiety induced IBS.

The honeymoon period 'cured' us both for a time. We were young and happy and truly in love - me for the first time.

Fast forward 8.5 years and I am honestly doing really, really well in my life with the exception of my anxiety, which I am in treatment for - I'm on meds and I have a treatment team. I NEVER thought I'd be able to work full time, let alone in a job I love. I NEVER thought I would do the whole relationship, mortgage, pets, long term partner thing. I was the girl who HATED the idea of being one half of a couple.

My partner on the other hand... I don't even know where to start. He has held down some jobs, all minimum wage and he is currently unemployed. He is very, very, very sick again with depression an anxiety, which has inflamed his IBS. He sleeps all day, stays up all night smoking and barely interacts with me.

I just paid for us to go on a holiday with my family (our first holiday together in 7 years) for my 30th and I have had to send him home after two days because he refused to eat, drink or even socialize with my family. I have been in tears EVERY day. His behaviour has made both my parents cry over how this guy is treating their daughter.

So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The man I love, who has occasionally supported me with my anxiety (which wasn't a problem before we started dating) and my family, who I love who just want me to get the hell away from him.

How am I supposed to support someone else, when I can't support myself? He refuses treatment, other than taking his Paxil (- which he has tried to go cold turkey on before and is now TERRIFIED of taking any other medication). How is he supposed to support me when he can't support himself?

I'm sorry about the long post, but I am curious to hear other people's experiences - if they can relate, or if they have objective opinions on this situation.

Thanks guys x

[Amy1986]

Hi :)

My fiancé has mental health issues too :) mild anxiety and depression mostly but he's had a suicidal bout. When we met at a job I can name a list of things I couldn't do, things I was far too scared of and I had zero confidence. Ry is Canadian, he adores history so travel is a massive part of his life (which it was not for me with all my fears etc) but I fell for him, after just four weeks we were in Barcelona together for a weekend lol in our 4 years together we've been to 7 countries and I've got on a plane alone 3 times to Canada to be with him whilst he studies for our future. I think we've worked so incredibly well because we encourage each other, we comfort and talk about everything, we have no boundaries. There have been very very hard times too, it's not all wonderful, the first year I was in relapse so we argued a lot, not just little bickers but full on screaming and me trying to swing for him, I've walked out on him 3 times and gone days crying with guilt. I think when you both have troubles it can sometimes be a ticking time bomb. After the explosive first year we really learned to communicate which is so important. I think this man may be holding you back rather then encouraging you. Your supposed to be a team and work through the hard stuff together :) does he know the impact he's having on you and your family? What is it you love most about him? I hope you can resolve everything though Hun. But you need just as much support as he does, give and take.