Surround Sound

[mrbhodges]

For the past few days I have had the thoughts of "Am I of what if I'm falling out of love with my girlfriend. The problem is I know these thoughts to be false and I have had this battle ever since march. We have been dating for 8 months and starting In JAnuary we got really close , MArch we enjoyed spring break , and the following two weeks we spent a lot of time together. This is worth mentioning because we have a distance relationship with us being two hours apart and only getting to see each other once a month the majority of the time. More background information I have known this woman since freshman year of high school and we were really good friends. I had a crush on her my sophmore year and I buried because she was in a relationship. My Senior year we startted getting really close and the last weeks of school before graduation she found out that her boyfriend not only did not love her, but cheated on her twice their junior year and only dated her because he didnt want to hurt her. TOo top it all off he cheated on her with a guy and has been "Confused about his sexuality ever since". That summer going into our freshman year of college we got even closer, It was a true summer love only thing is we weren't official. Guys were giving her attention that made bboth of us uncomfortable. Her because she didn'nt know where it was coming from and she kind of felt like she missed out on it since she was lied too in highschool. But I was uncomfortable because i knew the guys were only talking to her because she was single and because she was a virgin. They wanted what was in between her legs. Not her heart. It all culminated in a climax where she was tricked into goind Over one of her friends house who was like a big brother to her. When she got there it turns out that her other friends were never invited and he wantred to have her in a house with him all by herself. He got her into a bedroom and tried to casually lay her down but she resisted and it just culminated in Him putting his tongue down her throat and and kissing her and basically dry humping her. He then said that she needed to leave cause his parents would be home soon and that she shouldn't tell anybody. That night she was cold and unnaproachable and the following day i learned what happened and she made me nt tell anybody. I remember her crying and saying how wronfg it felt cause it wasnt me. The whole following day i stayed inmy room down and out cryuing and thinking it would be the end of us. Days went by we were better and I tried getting over it, then school started and she got some male attention from this guy named tray. THis guy came on to her and she asked me how i fel if they were to go to dinner and that the ost that they would do is kiss. She asked me what I thought and I said cool its whatever cause I was hurt and I thought that I couldnt get mad cause we weren't officially dating. As it turns out that was a test to see if I really cared for her and that she dleted his number. After months of talking and me asking her out and asking her out and her telling me to wait, It finally turned into a happy ending on Nov 07,2011 because Me and my friend finally convinced her that whether we date now or a month from now like planned as as we care for each other it wouldnt matter so why wait? From that day on e were official and in puppy dog love. JAnuary came and happened and we celebrated her 19th birthday. February came with hard times for both of us and march my anxiety kicked in. Now understand that I've always suffered from depression but up until april I never was counseled for it. For a day to a week and some change each mmonth I would have the overwelming fear that omg I'm falling out of love for my gf because I'm all lovey dubby any more, or because I see that some women are attractive or, because I want some time for myself now. Am I crazy? Is this anxiety ocd etc? because I've always been a worrier. Now understand the background info wan't to bash or muddy her name. I love the girl with all my heart but I just need some help. My counselor believes that just like growing physically you have mental and emotional growing pains and that all this is just a result of not having the love like i needed in the past, and trauma that I've experienced. (A dad always gone on military service and just angry and overbearing when home) (Molestation from my older cousin,; Knowing that my dad has cheated on and could possibly still be cheating on my mother, and just nbeing bullied and made fun of all my life). I just know that I love this girl and that I want to be with her so I'm willing to do anything to clear my mind of these an other demons.
So any questions comments advice on these thoughts and worries, etc would be most helpful.

~LAst little bit of info, I am afraid of alot of things and I have a habit of running away or avoiding things I'm scared of