Queen_Bee
07-02-2012, 05:42 AM
Hey there
So glad I found this site, I am not sure why I never saw it earlier with all the research I have done
To start I will say, my journey with anxiety and depression has not been easy, but I know compared to some it may not seem too bad.
I have always been a fairly nervous person, always afraid of ghosts and the dark as a child, have bitten my nails since i was about 4 years old and still do to this day
Now I am nearly 30, my anxiety started about 7 years ago, I guess it started when I had a fear of appendicitis and not being near a hospital, I would be scared to go anywhere away from home if there was no hospital near by, it didn't seem to have a huge impact on my life at this time, my panic attacks had not started yet, this began at the end of a fairly terrible relationship. I was away on holiday in the tropics of australia, which should have been beautiful but for me I was terrified, I woke up in the middle of the night, thought I was having an asthma attack, and started to panic even more, got rushed to the hospital, as you all know that fear of dying and doom, well I didnt know what a panic attack was and the hospitals first comment was, you should look at medication to which i responded, No. but i did take valium so i could sleep for a few nights
The rest of the holiday was not the best, tight chest, hunched over, couldnt breath every minute of every day, i just wanted to go home...I would call into the dr while on holidays because i didnt know what was happening to me. I eventually got on the plane (with some drugs) and dont remember much, just that i begged to go home.
When I finally did arrive back home, I could not swallow food, I could not breathe, my fear of going anywhere outside my comfort zone escalated and I stopped going on short trips anywhere; It snowballed into panic about having a panic attack, as the first one shook me to the core. I could not be alone at home, I even went so low to find a guy who i could stay with just so i wasnt alone, that didnt last long. I would scream at myself in the mirror, I would cry in bed because I couldnt sleep. I even went back to the ex before i went away to stay a few nights. I could not even drive the half hr trip to my old home town where i used to drive from daily. I did not stay anywhere or go anywhere away with friends for over 3 years.This is when depression started showing. I searched for alternative therapies, hypnotherapy, self help, counselling, some of these were very interesting, but did not seem to take the edge off, i had refused to have medication as i wanted to beat it, but it actually made life difficult. I think one of the hardest things about my anxiety was that my mother (who i am extremely close with,being a single mum and me her only child) who was always my help and comfort refused to listen to what I was saying and explaining to her about anxiety, she would say things like "snap out of it, grow up, you can talk yourself into anything," etc etc...this is what really made things alot worse for me, but she now understands being thru something similar and is nothing but supportive.
I then met my current partner of four years, he really has seen me at my worst.. i knew that if i was to have a life with him and not drag him into my hell, something needed to change. I am happy to say that the meds have changed my life unbelievably, I have very slowly started driving places again by myself, I have even stayed over in the city once or twice, but still have alot of anxiety when i think about travel, and I love being alone again, I can sleep alone and just relax. Unfortunately I have put on about 30 kgs, as i feel so relaxed also the last 6 months I have noticed alot of fear about going away again...I have asthma, the only time i had a full on attack was when i was a child...since then I have my puffer whenever i need it. I am beginning to fear going away and having an attack, and also becoming worried about my heart. I know its irrational which makes it even harder for me to deal with. I want to travel with my man, but I dont see it happening anytime soon...I need to get over the asthma thing now, but usually when something goes something replaces it....I just want to be how I was but even better.
I guess I should also mention I have a tendency to become quite obsessed with certain things, like sexual tension on tv shows and also "symptoms" of illness, sickness etc.
Thankyou for reading, and I am hoping that I will meet some people here who understand, I would love to talk with some of you, by the looks of it, this forum is a great support network
<3 B
So glad I found this site, I am not sure why I never saw it earlier with all the research I have done
To start I will say, my journey with anxiety and depression has not been easy, but I know compared to some it may not seem too bad.
I have always been a fairly nervous person, always afraid of ghosts and the dark as a child, have bitten my nails since i was about 4 years old and still do to this day
Now I am nearly 30, my anxiety started about 7 years ago, I guess it started when I had a fear of appendicitis and not being near a hospital, I would be scared to go anywhere away from home if there was no hospital near by, it didn't seem to have a huge impact on my life at this time, my panic attacks had not started yet, this began at the end of a fairly terrible relationship. I was away on holiday in the tropics of australia, which should have been beautiful but for me I was terrified, I woke up in the middle of the night, thought I was having an asthma attack, and started to panic even more, got rushed to the hospital, as you all know that fear of dying and doom, well I didnt know what a panic attack was and the hospitals first comment was, you should look at medication to which i responded, No. but i did take valium so i could sleep for a few nights
The rest of the holiday was not the best, tight chest, hunched over, couldnt breath every minute of every day, i just wanted to go home...I would call into the dr while on holidays because i didnt know what was happening to me. I eventually got on the plane (with some drugs) and dont remember much, just that i begged to go home.
When I finally did arrive back home, I could not swallow food, I could not breathe, my fear of going anywhere outside my comfort zone escalated and I stopped going on short trips anywhere; It snowballed into panic about having a panic attack, as the first one shook me to the core. I could not be alone at home, I even went so low to find a guy who i could stay with just so i wasnt alone, that didnt last long. I would scream at myself in the mirror, I would cry in bed because I couldnt sleep. I even went back to the ex before i went away to stay a few nights. I could not even drive the half hr trip to my old home town where i used to drive from daily. I did not stay anywhere or go anywhere away with friends for over 3 years.This is when depression started showing. I searched for alternative therapies, hypnotherapy, self help, counselling, some of these were very interesting, but did not seem to take the edge off, i had refused to have medication as i wanted to beat it, but it actually made life difficult. I think one of the hardest things about my anxiety was that my mother (who i am extremely close with,being a single mum and me her only child) who was always my help and comfort refused to listen to what I was saying and explaining to her about anxiety, she would say things like "snap out of it, grow up, you can talk yourself into anything," etc etc...this is what really made things alot worse for me, but she now understands being thru something similar and is nothing but supportive.
I then met my current partner of four years, he really has seen me at my worst.. i knew that if i was to have a life with him and not drag him into my hell, something needed to change. I am happy to say that the meds have changed my life unbelievably, I have very slowly started driving places again by myself, I have even stayed over in the city once or twice, but still have alot of anxiety when i think about travel, and I love being alone again, I can sleep alone and just relax. Unfortunately I have put on about 30 kgs, as i feel so relaxed also the last 6 months I have noticed alot of fear about going away again...I have asthma, the only time i had a full on attack was when i was a child...since then I have my puffer whenever i need it. I am beginning to fear going away and having an attack, and also becoming worried about my heart. I know its irrational which makes it even harder for me to deal with. I want to travel with my man, but I dont see it happening anytime soon...I need to get over the asthma thing now, but usually when something goes something replaces it....I just want to be how I was but even better.
I guess I should also mention I have a tendency to become quite obsessed with certain things, like sexual tension on tv shows and also "symptoms" of illness, sickness etc.
Thankyou for reading, and I am hoping that I will meet some people here who understand, I would love to talk with some of you, by the looks of it, this forum is a great support network
<3 B