I feel like I have to relearn everything I know-EVERYTHING!

[stressedntexas]

When you all first discovered that you had OCD, Anxiety, etc., did you feel as if you had to relearn almost everything you've ever done?

I'm realizing that I have to relearn how to walk even. I caught myself (and I guess I've been doing it for years) looking at my feet when I walk to make sure they each take a step of even distance. My breathing even..I've been trying to control that too. I found I try to make sure the pace is always even and calm instead of letting my body just BREATHE!

When I'm doing my homework, I realized that if my handwriting wasn't consistent or the ink didn't evenly distribute across the paper for a word or two, that it frustrated me and I'd start over so it would be neat. Now, I look at it and have to make myself move on to the next sentence thinking to myself, "No one in the world will notice this but you. Now MOVE ON."

Also, my memory is fantastic. I noticed that I can read something and not have to go back to it to remember everything I've read. In the past, I've doubted myself and wanted to make sure I had it down perfectly so I'd go back and read, then re-read before putting down my answers. Tonight, I decided to test (trust) myself and wrote answers based on my memory without going back. SUPRISE! They were all right.

I think my condition has made me exhausted. The better I learn how to deal with it, the more free and relaxed I feel. And I DON'T know how to relax so that's new too!!! I have to learn how to deal with moments of happiness without panick.

Our minds are funny aren't they? :)

[jitters]

lol, Arent they just.

Keep Challenging your thoughts and you'll get through this.

Duncan.

[blur]

anyone think stressed is being sarcastic?

[V for Victor]

Why do you say that blur?

Have you ever had OCD?

[stressedntexas]

Here's something you all should know. This forum saved my life. I was, like I said in my first posting here, "losing my mind and could not make it stop." In fact, the night I first posted, I had a full-blown nervous breakdown. There was a shame inside of me for the thoughts I had that made me want to do the unspeakable. When I read the replies and stories of other sufferers, it was my first moment of realization with regards to my condition. That night, I cried, posted my story, and figured I wouldn't get ANY responses and that those who read it would think that I was a freak, but to the contrary, people knew-they knew everything I was going through. I read other postings when I have time and some of them I can't relate to and some I can. I am discovering behavior patterns that I posess that have been deep-rooted for years. It was only after this forum, you all helping, and further research that I discovered that there are so many things about me that are messed up, and I only realize them when I see these things through "OCD Glasses." Then, I have to restructure my thoughts, actions, and feelings. I feel like I'm learning to live again. I've even read postings where I thought to myself, "Man, that must be tough." Then later, I discover that I, too, posess the same traits and go through the same things. It seems that each day there is a new discovery and with that discovery comes relief.

To me, this is a family. It's people who know me better than my own family because they've walked/are walking in my shoes. I shared a bit of progress and struggle with you all.

Sarcastic? Absolutely not. Grateful? Most definately.