New to thread-looking for hope

[audiobird]

Hi all,

My name is Sasha, I'm 25 and I've been suffering from anxiety for as long as I can remember. I had a really rough childhood in which I used OCD to cope with the things that were happening to me; as a way to try and control the uncontrollable which in itself brought about great anxiety and stress. I began having panic attacks when I was in high school and opted out of medication as medication is incredibly scary to me. I began taking instead herbal remedies such as Valerian root and vitamin B12. I spent several years in therapy through out both high school and college and a few months after college as well. My anxiety seemed to have lessen a great deal in the past few years; the amount of panic attacks I had I could count on maybe one hand. Then this year I found myself having sleeping problems. I found that I would wake up in the middle of the night for no particular reason or from violent nightmares in which I woke myself up crying.

I started taking Valerian root at night before I went to bend and I began having a normal sleeping pattern until up to a few months ago (maybe two) I got a really bad cold. I stopped taking the Valerian and instead started taking nighttime cold medicine. One night I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrendous panic attack most likely brought on my the cold medicine I was taking. The next few nights after that one I developed a severe fear of getting another panic attack when going to sleep. This in turn triggered a panic attack so now I have anxiety...over having anxiety. The panic attacks were limited to just nighttime but now the anxiety has moved into the day and I'm having panic attacks and anxiety all night and all day. I went to the doctor and they prescribed me ambien however this drug seems awful to me. The side effects are worse than the actual medication itself. I'm really scared now because anything OTC I take is no longer working, I don't sleep anymore at all and it's affecting my physical and mental well being (feel sick all of the time, always fuzzy, can't remember things that happened two seconds ago).

Any advice or hope someone could offer me I would be extremely grateful for! I feel terribly alone!

[MissElizabeth]

Sasha,

I know exactly where you're coming from. I am 22 and have GAD. When I was younger I would have episodes and then during my first year of college I began taking 10 mg of Lexapro to try and reduce my anxiety. However, I switched to Wellbutrin which was supposed to make me less sleepy...well I had an awful reaction to the Wellbutrin and began having horrendous anxiety. I couldn't eat, sleep, shook uncontrollably, cried 24/7, couldn't work, and was afraid to be alone. I was having anxiety about having anxiety. I saw my doctor and saw a therapist. They switched me back to Lexapro, but it takes time. I had to talk it out with people. I thought I was going insane. I was miserable, but slowly and surely I recovered.

Recently, I switched to the generic form of Lexapro and have had the same thing happen. I am in the midst of it right now. I am stuck in the vicious cycle of having anxiety about having anxiety. I think..."why am I not getting better?" "why is this happening to me?" "am I crazy?" I am a week into it and have suffered terribly. My doctor immediately switched me back to Lexapro (brand name) and upped my dose to 15 mg. I still feel the same way you do...teary, nervous, alone, scared, and hopeless. However, I am telling you, from experience, it will get better. I've been posting on several forums because I have a lot of down moments. You need to talk to someone, especially someone trained in mental illness. Anxiety is a mental illness...it's a chemical imbalance. There is a solution. And part of that solution, at least for me, IS medication. It evens me out...balances me. However, I also think talking to a therapist (I have 2, one holistic and one regular) is very beneficial, because medicine takes time to get in your system and straighten you out. Coping tools and cognitive behavioral therapy are needed to get to that point where you can even out.

It will get better. There are options. Remember that, but also remember that it takes time and work. Assess how you're feeling and try to make peace with it. Don't try and fight the feeling, you just cause yourself more anxiety. My advice would be to see your doctor or a psychiatrist and also invest in therapy. Good luck and keep me posted!