At the Doctor...

[HeatherD3584]

I'm at the gyno right now and I can't stop crying in the waiting room and I feel so ridiculous. I'm petrified that they will find something. Trying to be positive. My doctor is super nice and very calming. So it could be worse. I just feel ridiculous that I can't just be rational.

[Buttercup]

Is there any reason you think they may find something? Or are you just there for a routine check up? Doctors are used to people freaking out and you won't be the first person they have seen nervous and upset. I know its hard to be rational when you are anxious but getting health checks is good so that if they do find something they can deal with it quickly.

[HeatherD3584]

A lot of illness runs in my family and I lost both my parents to cancer. This terrifies me to no end and even though it's been years, my health anxiety has skyrocketed the last few months. Especially since I fell and have been experiencing a lot of pain. But the appointment went well! He said I was fine and that to call in a week for the pap results, but to not lose sleep over it. Of course now that I got that out of the way I've shifted focus to another area of the body...cycle never ends. But, I'm hoping all this work I'm putting in towards combating my anxiety pays off. Cannot wait to move on.

[dazza]

I hope you've stopped prodding your jaw, Heather?
(Smacked bottom if you haven't!)

It's good to hear of your progression. Keep going. You'll get there & I look forward to a "I'm sorted" post from you in the not too distant future :-)

[HeatherD3584]

My boyfriend caught me touching it every so often today. But I did feel better overall. I'm in some pain now. But remembering what the doctor said this morning to stop my mind from wandering.

I'm never going to feel better if I don't stop focusing every single thought I have on what hurts and what feels weird. And especially if I'm physically making it hurt.

Contemplating getting a full fledged body scan just so I have no inch of my body left to worry about. But I think that would be a little insane.

[HeatherD3584]

I will NOT do something as drastic as the scan! Haha. Just wanted to make that clear. I think at this point id still be unconvinced and isn't the root of the problem. My mind is. And how I react and deal with everyday situations.

[dazza]

Arrrgghhhhhh... HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need handcuffs to stop you prodding your frickin' jaw (the pink fluffy ones in your bottom draw will do, lol)

I thought about a full body scan on numerous occasions but the thought of wasting everyone's time & money held me back.

[HeatherD3584]

I know I know. Thankfully next week I have both a therapy appointment and a cognitive behavioral therapy appointment. Added that onto my repertoire in addition to straight up talk therapy!

Also new plan of attack against my new continual jaw obsession... I'm going to fill my day with so many things to do that I will have no time to feel up my face and make it hurt! I'm even going to try out yoga.

I have way too much time on my hands to think. Which is part of the problem. Had to quit my job recently because it made me too anxious ( 3rd in a row) so, unemployment has given me all the free time in the world to obsess. It's bananas.