Dealing with family members with anxiety

[Light934]

Many times, I have a hard time dealing with my family. I think that overall, everyone (except my dad) are pretty neurotic and anxiety. If I'm around them, I am definitely more anxious, but if I'm around calm/positive/upbeat people, then I am that way, too, so being around my family can actually be a negative thing for me, unfortunately.

Lately, I've had thoughts of steering my life in a new direction and even considering changing careers - one from a financially stable one to another that is not as financially stable but has the potential to make me happy b/c it would mean that I am pursuing my true dreams. This freaked my mom out. I recently hid some other big news (b/c I didn't think she could handle it if I told her before) and am just now opening up to her about certain things, and she really appreciates the truth. It felt nice to be open with her like that, but I know that it makes her feel so anxious if I even bring up this possible career change. She will not accept it at all, and I think that if I ever did change my career in the future, she would probably disown me. (She is that opposed to it.) She wants so much that I tell her the truth from now on and that I do not hide things from her. However, how am I supposed to do that if all she does is get all worried about me, which makes me feel negative and inhibits me from pursuing my true dreams? She keeps calling me with all of her worries about me, and it just puts me in a bad and negative mood. I feel like if I'm going to do what I really want to do in life, then I just have to do it, even if it means lying or hiding the truth from her and probably eventually be cut out from the family. This sounds terrible, but b/c so many of my family members are neurotic much of the time, I wonder if I would be better off without them. But then again, sometimes they are so supportive and loving that it's nice to be a part of this group. I have already tried talking to my mom and getting her to understand my point of view, but she is SO realistic (while I am an idealist) and cannot see why I need to pursue my true artistic passion.

Additionally, I have a feeling that if I ever meet my soulmate, and she's opposed to him, then I will get so much backlash from her. She will probably try to convince me as much as possible not to marry him. I'm just saying this b/c she thinks she knows what is best for all of her kids (and I don't believe that b/c parents can definitely be wrong since they are human), and I get the feeling that she wants to control the big things in my future.

Any advice from anyone on what I should do? I'm just getting really tired of dealing with my family.

[Buttercup]

My therapist spoke to me about how people's moods and attitudes can rub off on us, it's called transference. I have been working on putting up a barrier between myself and others who make me feel more anxious and down. This barrier is not a physical barrier or to do with keeping away from such people as that is not always possible but it's more of an imaginary barrier. We have also been working on making decisions and then trusting that I have made the right one and doing what is best for me and not others like my family. Like you I have an anxious and neurotic mother who is always worrying about me and telling me what she thinks is best for me despite the fact I am an adult. The problem here is your mum and not you and that is the hard part- you need to learn how to explain to your mum what is best for you and how she negatively affects you without making her feel bad. Also as an anxiety sufferer your mum will surely understand that in order for you (and indeed, everyone) to feel happy and fulfilled then we have to be settled in our profession as work is a huge part of our life. This is your life, not hers so do what is best for you.

I was a teacher for a few years and got a pretty good wage- enough for me to comortably buy my own place, car and so on. But I wasn't truly happy- the work was stressful and it just wasn't for me. My parents were devastated when I decided to leave the profession and were so disappointed in me. I moved into social care and work with adults who have autism and learning diffculties and work wise I am much happier and fulfilled. I am earning about half of what I did as a teacher and work more hours, money is tight but I wouldn't change my decision. I feel like I have purpose and I enjoy my work. My parents now admit that seeing me happy in work and enjoying what I do has shown them that I did make the right decision. Your parents love you and just want you to do well in life but you must do what you want and control your own life (it's your life and not your mums).

You could try writing your thoughts on the situation down if you feel your mum will not listen to you when you speak to her. Your family love you and won't cut you off- they may be pissed off with you and if that's how they wish to be then so be it. Good luck with it all x