panicinparadise
06-20-2012, 07:06 AM
I Im new to this forum but im not new to anxiety so I thought Id post my story and hope someone can give me some advice
Background
I was always socially shy and I believe this coupled with a lack of confidence has built up my panic attacks over the years. I began binge drinking once a week when I was 15 and I dont know the exact links between anxiety and drink but I do know my attacks increased with my drinking, when I went to college I was drinking virtually every day, the peak of my panic peaked with my drinking when I left college I continued drinking virtually everyday then in 2011 I decided to lose weight and for 6 months I only drank once a week, but on my 'drink day' Id binge drink to excess. Then in the last year I got a steady girlfriend and my drinking reduced and so did my anxiety, I dont think its entirely to do with drink as I gained confidence since being with her and I think thats helped too. I still binge drink about once a week (more recently). I come here because over the last few weeks they have gotten worse and I am at a point where I am tired of them and want them to end, I thought I was getting better. Drinking wise I have been drinking more lately with the football and always binge drinking when I do. I should note that I began drinking in the first place as it helped me get over my social shyness.
How anxiety as effected my life
I got a job working from home to avoid situations where panic arrises, I moved to a new city and in 3 years haven't made any friends because I avoid social situations. I avoid social networking which would help my job. In college I missed as many lectures as I could without getting kicked off for fear of speaking in front of people. I hated presentations. I absolutely avoid public speaking (im best man soon and the speech is terrifying me). I break the few social plans I do have out of fear. Avoid eating out.
Symptoms
I start feeling weak, bright lights or a sunny day will heighten it, its kind of like my eyes feel tired and The emphasis is on the front of my head above the eyebrows kind of like im think from there and I feel like I cant think properly. Following then is Dizzyness, light headedness, feeling like Im going to faint, pounding heart, shaking hands, shaky voice, unable to think straight. I get that horrible feeling in my stomach and dont like bright lights. I used to feel like I couldnt breathe and that I was dying, I have got better now thank god and recognise a panic attack for what it is and know im not dying but cant stop the other symptoms. I used to have problems swallowing, it would take me ages to eat for fear of choking, and sometimes Id actually think I was choking when I wasnt n think I was dying, this fear hasnt come back but ever since I have always eaten super slow, we joke about it but nobody knows the real reason.
Situations
Big enclosed public places. For example at the weekend I was in a shopping mall and started feeling dizzy and felt like it was too bright (had a glass roof) then all the other symptoms came. When it came to buying something (i would have just left had my girlfriend not insist I buy a new tshirt n jeans as we were away and I hadnt packed properly) and standing in that queue was the worst thing in the world, I got to the counter n felt I was going to faint, luckily I held it together enough to pay and at least look a little normal. A couple of years ago Id of had major anxiety in supermarkets, convenience stores etc the peak of the anxiety would be in the queue when people are waiting behind me, I dont know why but it seems to be queues! Queueing for a plane, to pay for groceries etc its the waiting that is hell. Luckily I have gotten a bit better since I started going places with my girl, and I can now go to my local store on my own without panicking but over the last few weeks I have got panic attacks WITH my girl for the first time, before it was always on my own.
So yeah, now I am at a point where I am worried the other symptoms will come back and I dont feel like a real man. I want to be strong, confident, going out there getting a proper job that Id be good at. Panic is holding back my life and stopping me fulfilling my potential so any advice would be welcome.
Many thanks
Background
I was always socially shy and I believe this coupled with a lack of confidence has built up my panic attacks over the years. I began binge drinking once a week when I was 15 and I dont know the exact links between anxiety and drink but I do know my attacks increased with my drinking, when I went to college I was drinking virtually every day, the peak of my panic peaked with my drinking when I left college I continued drinking virtually everyday then in 2011 I decided to lose weight and for 6 months I only drank once a week, but on my 'drink day' Id binge drink to excess. Then in the last year I got a steady girlfriend and my drinking reduced and so did my anxiety, I dont think its entirely to do with drink as I gained confidence since being with her and I think thats helped too. I still binge drink about once a week (more recently). I come here because over the last few weeks they have gotten worse and I am at a point where I am tired of them and want them to end, I thought I was getting better. Drinking wise I have been drinking more lately with the football and always binge drinking when I do. I should note that I began drinking in the first place as it helped me get over my social shyness.
How anxiety as effected my life
I got a job working from home to avoid situations where panic arrises, I moved to a new city and in 3 years haven't made any friends because I avoid social situations. I avoid social networking which would help my job. In college I missed as many lectures as I could without getting kicked off for fear of speaking in front of people. I hated presentations. I absolutely avoid public speaking (im best man soon and the speech is terrifying me). I break the few social plans I do have out of fear. Avoid eating out.
Symptoms
I start feeling weak, bright lights or a sunny day will heighten it, its kind of like my eyes feel tired and The emphasis is on the front of my head above the eyebrows kind of like im think from there and I feel like I cant think properly. Following then is Dizzyness, light headedness, feeling like Im going to faint, pounding heart, shaking hands, shaky voice, unable to think straight. I get that horrible feeling in my stomach and dont like bright lights. I used to feel like I couldnt breathe and that I was dying, I have got better now thank god and recognise a panic attack for what it is and know im not dying but cant stop the other symptoms. I used to have problems swallowing, it would take me ages to eat for fear of choking, and sometimes Id actually think I was choking when I wasnt n think I was dying, this fear hasnt come back but ever since I have always eaten super slow, we joke about it but nobody knows the real reason.
Situations
Big enclosed public places. For example at the weekend I was in a shopping mall and started feeling dizzy and felt like it was too bright (had a glass roof) then all the other symptoms came. When it came to buying something (i would have just left had my girlfriend not insist I buy a new tshirt n jeans as we were away and I hadnt packed properly) and standing in that queue was the worst thing in the world, I got to the counter n felt I was going to faint, luckily I held it together enough to pay and at least look a little normal. A couple of years ago Id of had major anxiety in supermarkets, convenience stores etc the peak of the anxiety would be in the queue when people are waiting behind me, I dont know why but it seems to be queues! Queueing for a plane, to pay for groceries etc its the waiting that is hell. Luckily I have gotten a bit better since I started going places with my girl, and I can now go to my local store on my own without panicking but over the last few weeks I have got panic attacks WITH my girl for the first time, before it was always on my own.
So yeah, now I am at a point where I am worried the other symptoms will come back and I dont feel like a real man. I want to be strong, confident, going out there getting a proper job that Id be good at. Panic is holding back my life and stopping me fulfilling my potential so any advice would be welcome.
Many thanks