Lazy eye

[citelis]

Hi all!

I think the predominant factor in my social anxiety has been my lazy eye, I've attached a pic. 103

It was only when I began university did it really affect my well-being. I would sit in lectures paralysed with fear of being judged, and being afraid of turning left, right or behind to talk to the people around me. Over the course of my three years at uni, my SA has progressively worsened. I developed coping strategies to get by. I would arrive at lectures up to 30 minutes early just so I could get a seat at the back. Being at the back was a relief, but I struggled. I think it made me more socially withdrawn than I already was, and my eyesight is so bad that I could no longer see the board at the front. When I was unable to sit at the back, I just wouldn't go in at all. I would end up barricading myself in a toilet cubicle for the duration of the lecture. I just couldn't face seeing anyone.

During one of the revision classes just before our final exams which I reluctantly attended, I had managed to sit at the back but I developed a horrible sensation telling me to leave. I started breathing louder and faster, my heart rate was racing, my abdomen became painful and I partially lost my vision - I just saw grey. That was incredibly scary for me. I ended up quickly leaving the room. Because of all my missed/walking-out of lectures and revision classes, I know that I won't have done as well as I had hoped in my final degree.

I'm not sure if anyone else experiences anything similar, but as much as I enjoy watching programmes such as Skins and The Only Way Is Essex, I end up feeling tremendously lonely, especially when I find out that the characters/cast are actually younger than I am. I'm 21 now, have no close friends, never had a relationship, or had a job. I want surgery on my right eye to correct the strabismus, but I've been informed that it is likely my right eye would drift off again at some point or another. I hate what I see in the mirror and on photos and it just gets me down so much. I would love nothing more than to look for a relationship, but I would hate to make anyone feel awkward when around me. That's what I fear the most.

[alaine]

I'm not able to see the picture but im sorry your going through this I get insecure about teeth ( there crooked) and spend my day trying to avoid talking or smiling I know it's not the same thing but it's hard I know there are lots of ppl who would like you no matter what and something I've learned over the years is that no one notices these things as much as ourselves I hope you did okay on your degree non the less !!

[citelis]

Thanks. I don't think I did the attachment properly. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through :( I think having any deformity of the eyes or teeth is likely to hinder social interaction and contribute to anxiety. We listen with our eyes and speak with our teeth. I realise that my lazy eye probably bothers me than it bothers other people, but it's still so incredibly hard to take that leap and be accepting of the way I look. I applaud those that do overcome their fears. I aspire to reach there someday.

[Pepper R.]

I know EXACTLY how you feel- I also have a lazy eye. I know that feeling of not being able to look at people and when I do try to force myself to hold eye contact, all I can think about is how my eye looks so the whole conversation is awkward and uncomfortable because I'm trying to look somewhere else or end the conversation or focus with my good eye or tilt my head right or... you get it. I've spent hours in front of the mirror trying to get the perfect angle, the one that makes me look normal. I know what it's like to feel like people are avoiding you because they don't want to look at you in the eyes and how awkward that must be for them. I'm a photographer, but I run when I see a camera pointed at me. I had an evaluation for work the other day and my boss was sitting across from me- instead of focusing on what he was saying, all I could think about was how uncomfortable I was and how he was sitting on "my bad side" I forgot half the stuff that I WANTED to say, I lost confidence and didn't talk much, coming off much less professional than I wanted to. Growing up- I was teased- relentlessly. I don't have any answers for you because I have not overcome this yet myself... but you are not alone, believe me!

[DragonLilly]

As a outsider looking in I see nothing wrong with having a lazy eye. My sister has one and I don't even notice 90% of the time (in fact I didn't even realize she had a lazy eye until she was 10, and someone else pointed it out). I also used to be friends with a girl who was blind in one eye and had her head tilted almost permanently so she could see out her one good eye. She was one of the kindest people I knew and the only reason we aren't friends now is that we lost touch after she moved away.

I wouldn't worry about your eye, people may ask out of curiosity but they'll get over it. I personally have one tooth that sits really far back, it makes it look like I have a gap in my teeth because you can't see the tooth. People ask sometimes and I don't mind, they get over it.

You look normal in your photo if you ask me and your eye wouldn't stop me from saying hello if I ever met you. I'm 21 too and unless you were mean to me I would talk to you! :)

PS. You doing better than me, I never went to uni. I have no friends, no job and have never been in a relationship (though I am asexual). XD

[eraser78]

Dear Citelis, I too have lazy eyes due to drooping of eyelids since birth. However that has never interfered with my social life. Other "normal" children did make fun of me in school. In College though, people were more understanding and willing to take me as a friend. Ever since then I have never let the lazy eye bother me. I have tried to ignore my "handicap" and live life according to my terms and believe me ..... IT WORKS!!

[Dahila]

Eraser you do realize that the thread is 4 years old and this individual is not longer here?