Triggerless
06-10-2012, 04:14 PM
Dear all
I've been browsing these forums for a while now but never had the courage to sign up. I wanted to thank you all for being so open and by reading all your messages in the forum I *cliche warning* realise that I wasn't alone.
I've only been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks in the last calendar year but thinking about it, I have had episodes in the past but I didn't know what they were. Since I was diagnosed I now have regular periods of anxiety or attacks. BCT was helping but then I now have the problem of being a bit reliant on seeing a therapist, when we decide to have an extended break in between our sessions I quickly spiral into anxiety.
I don't have an obvious trigger which makes dealing with my anxiety a pain. I will be perfectly fine one minute and the next it feels like the ground is falling away from me and I enter a cycle of obsessive thoughts and physical symptoms. For me, I get chest 'pain', palpatations so loud in my ears that it keeps me awake at night, pins and needles, muscle spasms,feeling heavy headed, shakiness, sweating, feeling like I'm burning in my feet and hands/ feeling like the blood has left my feet and hands, numbness in my arms, feeling of unreality and sometimes hopelessness.
I'm a trained biologist but it frustrates me how quickly my rationale mind is tricked by my body into feeling like there's something seriously wrong with me. With my first attack I (embarrassingly) went to A&E and caused a massive fuss in the waiting room. This last year I've been to the doctor more than have the rest of my whole life. I've had my blood pressure taken again and again, I've had an ECG mid attack, chest x-rays, ultrasound and, aside from some general wear and tear from age and a misspent youth, there's nothing wrong with me. So I feel fine until the next palpatation and then the catastrophic thoughts kick in, the doctors missed something. Again, so many of your stories feel so close to my experiences; not wanting to spend time on my own in case I have a heart attack and nobody phones an ambulance, making sure that when I am taking a trip somewhere I know where all the hospitals are and making sure I tell people how I feel about them because I'm worried I won't see them again.
My biggest frustration is that once the anxiety starts I have no mechanism of calming down beyond trying to ignore it but normally it's through falling asleep after I'm so tired with crying or laying wide awake listening to my heart beat, checking my pulse and trying to remember if my leg always felt 'numb'. I have a great support network and like so many of you here I have a really great life, family, friends etc. but feel so ashamed and embarrassed to have such irrational sensations.
So that's me. I might not be posting a lot but I will be watching from the sidelines and thank you again for all posting here sometimes just reading through some of our shared common problems, symptoms and frustrations is enough to take the edge of an anxiety period.
Triggerless x x
I've been browsing these forums for a while now but never had the courage to sign up. I wanted to thank you all for being so open and by reading all your messages in the forum I *cliche warning* realise that I wasn't alone.
I've only been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks in the last calendar year but thinking about it, I have had episodes in the past but I didn't know what they were. Since I was diagnosed I now have regular periods of anxiety or attacks. BCT was helping but then I now have the problem of being a bit reliant on seeing a therapist, when we decide to have an extended break in between our sessions I quickly spiral into anxiety.
I don't have an obvious trigger which makes dealing with my anxiety a pain. I will be perfectly fine one minute and the next it feels like the ground is falling away from me and I enter a cycle of obsessive thoughts and physical symptoms. For me, I get chest 'pain', palpatations so loud in my ears that it keeps me awake at night, pins and needles, muscle spasms,feeling heavy headed, shakiness, sweating, feeling like I'm burning in my feet and hands/ feeling like the blood has left my feet and hands, numbness in my arms, feeling of unreality and sometimes hopelessness.
I'm a trained biologist but it frustrates me how quickly my rationale mind is tricked by my body into feeling like there's something seriously wrong with me. With my first attack I (embarrassingly) went to A&E and caused a massive fuss in the waiting room. This last year I've been to the doctor more than have the rest of my whole life. I've had my blood pressure taken again and again, I've had an ECG mid attack, chest x-rays, ultrasound and, aside from some general wear and tear from age and a misspent youth, there's nothing wrong with me. So I feel fine until the next palpatation and then the catastrophic thoughts kick in, the doctors missed something. Again, so many of your stories feel so close to my experiences; not wanting to spend time on my own in case I have a heart attack and nobody phones an ambulance, making sure that when I am taking a trip somewhere I know where all the hospitals are and making sure I tell people how I feel about them because I'm worried I won't see them again.
My biggest frustration is that once the anxiety starts I have no mechanism of calming down beyond trying to ignore it but normally it's through falling asleep after I'm so tired with crying or laying wide awake listening to my heart beat, checking my pulse and trying to remember if my leg always felt 'numb'. I have a great support network and like so many of you here I have a really great life, family, friends etc. but feel so ashamed and embarrassed to have such irrational sensations.
So that's me. I might not be posting a lot but I will be watching from the sidelines and thank you again for all posting here sometimes just reading through some of our shared common problems, symptoms and frustrations is enough to take the edge of an anxiety period.
Triggerless x x