driving myself insane!

[anxiousmess]

hello all

i am hoping somebody knows something about this kind behaviour.

at this moment in time, i am obsessed with finding out about this kind of obsessive behaviour. it is driving me mad. i know nothing at all of what it might possibly be, and so i can't read up about it...like my 'obsession' wants me to do.


i never just had free time in my mind. it's either worrying, or obsessed!

cats, tea bags, cups, cat food, the news, science.
i also become obsessed with foods, i'll only eat a certain brand and flavour of crisps for a while. if i was to get something from the shop, i always buy the thing i'm currently obsessed with. it's the same with all food. potatoes, butter etc. i will only shop at asda.
plants, washing powders, softners, games. anything!!

during these phases. i buy anything related to the things i would be obsessing over.
i have over loads of games for consoles when i only play one game. i have aload of airfreshners because i went through a phase of them. and many more things!
i find it hard to part with some stuff. so hoarding is there!
i will only watch certain things on tv.

i really want to know why? these obsessions practically rule my life.
everything i do is basically through an obsession!

i would be here for hours if i was to write every obsession.

[Serenity 7]

i would just like to say cheers.that was a great responce.and i hope to achieve what you have done

[anxiousmess]

thank you kev, for your very thorough reply. i can always rely on you to give me a good response :) i really appreciate it!!

you're definitely right about it being anxiety, and how it is controlling me. i'm back at square one. i've started to notice this over the past few days.
again, i'm searching for answers.
i don't know if it's my increase in meds, or what. i was feeling better. i've been on 100mg for just over 2 weeks now.

i am obsessed with finding out why i am so obsessed. i keep going back to ocd, which in itself is an anxiety disorder.
my boyfriend thinks GAD, basically means that you have almost every anxiety disorder out there to some extent.
but that's not good enough for my tiny little mind. it wants the 'right' answer. but i don't know what that is.

i am really going to try and just concentrate on getting better. sometimes it's hard though as i don't even realise i'm in an 'obsession' for ages, sometimes until it has been pointed out to me.

i rang the CTT, and they said i have been allocated a CPN. i'm on the waiting list.
i rang the doctors (to ease my obsessional thoughts) to ask if they could tell me all of things i have been diagnosed with. unfortunately, they couldn't. they did say i could get a print off though, but i need to go to the surgery.

all of this constant shit going on in my mind, has caused me to focus on any tiny little thing on my body. a spot, a scab...anything, i spend ages picking it. sometimes all day. my poor nose, i have actually peeled the skin that much it's practically raw and it's so sore. yet i still keep going back to it.
is it the meds making me worse do you reckon?

or...am i still stuck at the point i was when i first joined this forum?

thanx again, kev :)

[anxiousmess]

i will definitely try meditation. well, i used it last night to sleep. i always try and do some relaxation stuff while i'm setting off to sleep.

i know exaclty what you are saying when you say ocd and gad, they're both anxiety. i can accept that. i really can. then in however long, i will be back to trying to find the answer, rather than the cure.
sometimes i don't even realise i'm doing it. it just dawns on me, that i'm back on a forum questioning things. in hope that somebody, somewhere has the magic words that stop all the shit floating around my head. all because the CTT said i have obsessional traits.

as for the meds, when i was on the 50mg, my health anxiety seemed to stop. no longer was i looking up personality disorders or questioning whether i was in the early stages of schizophrenia, or psychosis.
i'm still not. the only anxiety i felt was when i was out and about, but even then i had control over it.
i was able to walk around the supermarket and i could battle my thoughts.
the only thing that didn't change was my obsessions.
i went up to the 100mg to try and help my obsessions. only now i'm back on google, looking up ocd (not at this moment in time). i don't know if the meds aren't helping, or if they have made things worse. whether it's just until they have kicked in or no, i don't know.
i have been taking the 100mg for just over 2 weeks now.
they do seem to help my anxiety in some areas.
i'm not losing control when somebody knocks on the door, or phones me. it's mainly my agoraphobia that seems to be calming down.

as for vitamins and stuff. i have started taking omega 3,6 and 9 along with vitamin d.

thanx again kev :)