How did your anxiety disorder start?

[dazza]

Hi Folks

Apologies if there's already been a similar thread(s), but I'm interested in how your anxiety disorder started?

I'm also interested in whether you think you've ALWAYS been anxious (and hence this was LIKELY to happen to you)?

I'll start with my story but I'll keep it brief:

Mid December last year I was sitting at my laptop at home (making a cartoon animation... a new hobby of mine) and suddenly got a shooting, zapping (like an electric shock) through my left arm.
Frightened the absolute hell out of me. Never had anything like it before in my life.
Immediately thought the worst... HEART ATTACK IMMINENT.
Panicked big time. Literally thought I had minutes to live - and let's face it, fear doesn't get much worse than this.

Needless to say I didn't pass away that night, but I was left a panic-ridden, quivvering mess. Every day / night thereon I was thinking... is this it for me? any day... any hour... any minute I'm going to die.

During the weeks after, I'd have panic attack after panic attack.
Every waking moment I was consumed with thoughts of impending death, my personality was stripped away and replaced with an anxious wreck.

The rest is history... but there you have it. My disorder!

And yes, this was BOUND to happen to me. I've always been a little anxious. Always been uneasy with flying. Always thought the worst (glass half full, etc.). Always feared pain/death to a degree.

[bhamlaxy]

About 3 years ago I took a flight. Always been fine with flying, enjoyed it even. From the moment the plane left the ground I knew something wasn't right. I kept my composure the whole time but was flipping out inside. Every minute felt like an hour and I wanted nothing more than to get off the plane. Nothing specific was really scaring me, just the immense panic I felt- I didn't know why. Got some ativan for the return flight and it worked like a charm.

No issues for 2 years. Then I was working a super stressful job. No days off for a month, long hours and immense pressure. Was doing a training when I started to feel really dizzy. Stepped outside and paced around for a bit. Mind was racing, out of control. Drank some water. Finished out the job with minor anxiety in the mornings, and one more very panicky moment. Felt fine when the job ended.

6 months later, again working a very stressful job. No days off in 2.5 months, long hours, major stress. I have smoked weed for years, but have been slowly decreasing amount/frequency as it would kind of make me uncomfortable. Came home one night and took a couple hits. Went to the store, and started to feel REALLY high. Coming back, I started to feel myself losing control. Went through 2 hours of hell, pacing around convincing myself I didn't need to call 911. All my stress bore down on me at once. Worst panic attack I've ever had. Felt like I was on acid or something. Finally calmed down and went to sleep.

Woke up, and was still totally on edge. Struggled through work (had 1 week left). Couple smaller panic attacks, major derealization during days. Finished job and thought it would go away, it did not. Still felt disconnected and would have panic attacks.

That was about 2.5 months ago. Through medicine and therapy I'm doing much, much better. Still a bit shaky but life is definitely manageable and enjoyable. For the first few weeks after the first one, I thought I was a goner.

[Amy1986]

Mine started after an abusive boyfriend split up with me. After that I got a bit obsessed with control (as I had none before) so everything to do with the loss of control is the panic button. Trains/planes/automobiles/doc appointments/dentist/queuing/busy shops/the sun (I know that's weird)/ working. The list is actually endless. Biggest one has always been death (biggest thing you can't control eh) mine and my fiancés and one day my children I'm sure. Especially when I'm sleeping alone (whose going to help me then). Bet I sound like a freak eh.

[Britney]

Mine started over 2years ago. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me and for 3months I was heart broken.we eventually got back together and are still together every thing fine. I had major panic attack and then my granny died 2weeks later.lots of stressful things were going on. I've always been anxious, it's only now I realise that. I've had OCD since I can remember like 4 or 5 years of age. Guess been untreated it all built up to panic attacks nd constant anxiety over the years

[Marcille1998]

My PTSD started when was 13. My dad's girlfriend's son, Stephen, tried to rape me in early September of 2011. I've been suffering with frequent nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks ever since.

[trinidiva]

I think I have always had a nervous, type A personality, now that I look back on it....but I had my first panic attack when I was sitting in a ton of traffic, my baby fussing in the back seat....massive headache......not getting enough sleep....I think it just pushed me into having a panic attack. It took me years to seek help, and I feel I waited too long, and now I have a,long road back to normalcy.....I'm still trying to find the right combo of meds and CBT, and it can be a struggle some days and some days it reminds me of life before the anxiety disorder.

[Elaine1988]

I actually don't remember how mines started I think I've blocked it out but my first panic attack of what I remember was stuck in major traffic and the feeling just overtook me I hated being stuck in somewhere where I couldnt get out... The second major one was on the London underground first time ever on one and someone pressed the alarm and we were stuck in a tunnel for over 5 mins And I jus freaked out. Now my ferris traffic, crowds and any type of transport I feel weird lol

[brittany09]

My first panic attack happened 2 years ago when I did a couple drugs at the same time and the combination of stimulants was BAD. I stayed up all night messed up and at about 5 in the morning was when it happened. The whole week after that was all panic attacks and high anxiety. Had no idea what anxiety even was,I went to the er convinced I was dying. I was pacing around for days and not letting my boyfriend leave the house. It was terrifying. When they said anxiety I said what??? What the hell is that?? So I've had issues ever since. Haven't seen a therapist,but I think I was bound to have anxiety. I wasn't addicted to drugs,only did them a couple times besides prescription pills. My parents both have or had it,and I've always been a nervous person. I think it just needed something to trigger it for it to come out. I was also going through a lot of stress around this period,so it could've been the combination. Anyway,here I am. I have GAD and occasional panic attacks with breaks in between of normalcy.

[hopeNfaith88]

My first panic attack happened 2 years ago when I did a couple drugs at the same time and the combination of stimulants was BAD. I stayed up all night messed up and at about 5 in the morning was when it happened. The whole week after that was all panic attacks and high anxiety. Had no idea what anxiety even was,I went to the er convinced I was dying. I was pacing around for days and not letting my boyfriend leave the house. It was terrifying. When they said anxiety I said what??? What the hell is that?? So I've had issues ever since. Haven't seen a therapist,but I think I was bound to have anxiety. I wasn't addicted to drugs,only did them a couple times besides prescription pills. My parents both have or had it,and I've always been a nervous person. I think it just needed something to trigger it for it to come out. I was also going through a lot of stress around this period,so it could've been the combination. Anyway,here I am. I have GAD and occasional panic attacks with breaks in between of normalcy.

Hey brittany Just curious what you drugs u were taking? I used to mess around with alot of dumb things - my first panic attack was while on bath salts that fake cocaine crap. I only did that crap a few times about a year ago before it became illegal in FL. same with coke i tried it once or twice as well as ritalin. Just crazy nights with my ex not thinking about what i was doing to my body. But i feel like i had shown signs of anxiety i always stressed about small stuff and that messing with my brain chemistry with stimulants triggered something. I had a oxycodone addiction from age 17 to just a few months ago but i dont see a relationship with it to my anxiety. If anything it always calmed me down. Im really curious what u took maybe theres a similarity between us. I always thought the bath salts did some shit to me because after that i started getting panic attacks regularly same with a friend of mine

[laurandisorder]

My anxiety also started from a combination of mixing drugs and pre-existing mental health problems, which combined with bad circumstances.

Probably not the smartest idea of me to do ANY kind of drugs whilst being treated with antidepressants for Major Depression, PTSD and ED-NOS, but hey... You live and you learn right?

I mixed weed and strong speed and had my first anxiety attack ever at an awards show for my partner. Dressed to the nines, looking gorgeous and freaking out of my mind - I had no idea what was happening to me!! This may sound stupid, but I was always very cautious about my recreational use of drugs and even though I experimented quite a lot (weed = a big lot, speed = a little and LSD = even less) I have always used tiny amounts because of my small frame and my hatred of losing control. And of these drugs, I would honestly say weed had the most potential to mess me up and LSD was almost the exact opposite, provided I was with the right people.

This instance occurred almost 5 years ago, immediately after my partner was in a semi serious car accident. It brought back memories of my own near fatal car accident which was the catalyst for my own mental health problems.

It was a perfect storm combination of factors. Although I'd say that judging from my daily use of weed it would have have happened sooner or later...

Currently (non prescription) drug free for... 18 weeks this Friday. It was time for me to grow up :)

[brittany09]

Hey brittany Just curious what you drugs u were taking? I used to mess around with alot of dumb things - my first panic attack was while on bath salts that fake cocaine crap. I only did that crap a few times about a year ago before it became illegal in FL. same with coke i tried it once or twice as well as ritalin. Just crazy nights with my ex not thinking about what i was doing to my body. But i feel like i had shown signs of anxiety i always stressed about small stuff and that messing with my brain chemistry with stimulants triggered something. I had a oxycodone addiction from age 17 to just a few months ago but i dont see a relationship with it to my anxiety. If anything it always calmed me down. Im really curious what u took maybe theres a similarity between us. I always thought the bath salts did some shit to me because after that i started getting panic attacks regularly same with a friend of mine

I did mdma,and snorted 5 30xr adderalls in about 3 hours total. And smoking weed in between. LOL. I am cringing reading this because it was so so bad. The weird part is,I was fine at my highest point. Like I said in my first post,at about 5am when I was coming down was when I started losing it. I just remember it wearing off,being really tired,and things starting to look weird. Like derealization I guess. The people I was with kept smoking weed so I did too because they told me it would be sweet. It was anything but sweet. I can't figure out why that made me have panic attacks. I have done adderall plenty of times with no problem. You wouldn't think a drug could permanently mess somebody up??? Well,the bath salts are really strong. Never did that personally but I know people that have. Isn't that the strongest stimulant? I think we had anxiety disorder waiting to come out because plenty of people do stimulant drugs and never have anxiety issues. That's really the only thing that makes sense. I know,and I'm sure you know people that had a nightmare drug trip but have never had a panic attack. I still find myself wishing I had never done any of that,in case it did somehow cause my anxiety or make it come out sooner.

[leahbreanne]

My anxiety started when I was around 7 or 8. My dad worked all day, my mom worked nights so she slept all day and I was an only child til I was 10 so was constantly by myself. Which meant I was insider head a lot. I think I got used to making things up, like games and scenarios and whatnot. At nigh I would go around and turn all the lights off before bed otherwise I would feel panicky. Before bed, my mind would be so loud and I couldn't turn it off so I would get claustrophobic, and I was young so I called it "the fast feeling".
I couldn't even stay the night at any friends houses. I was constantly nervous about them going to bed before me, and then having to deal with "the fast feeling" all by myself without my mom. One time I got so nervous at a sleepover I threw up so my mom had to come get me.
I RARELY stay at other peoples houses nowadays. I'm 20 years old and can't even stay at a party or a guys house cause I have to go sleep in my own bed, with all my own things, alone. OH and I still have my baby blanket and it has to go everywhere with me, and never gets washed. Te thought of it getting washed makes me so anxious.
Anyways I think I was destined to have anxiety, because my mom has always been too.

[dazza]

I actually know a few people who, like you "Leahbreanne", still have their unwashed baby blankets or pillow case - way into their 30's!
(I think girls tend to do this more than boys)

It's a comfort thing, right? Makes you feel secure with the familiarity of how the item (blanket, pillow case, etc.) feels & smells.

A few years back I dated a girl who still slept with her old pillow case. I found it quite endearing to be honest.

It'll go in time, but for now don't worry about it. It's cute! :)

I'm kinda with you on the "I can't sleep in anyone elses bed or house". I do, but I'm always wary of how clean their sheets are, lol... and I prefer the familiarity of my own bathroom to get cleaned up in the morning.
We've probably ALL got a little bit of that in us.

[dazza]

Tyujgghjjmmn

[larmer]

hello mine started when my mam got cancer last year and I could not deal with it.

[IloveGod]

Hi Folks

Apologies if there's already been a similar thread(s), but I'm interested in how your anxiety disorder started?

I'm also interested in whether you think you've ALWAYS been anxious (and hence this was LIKELY to happen to you)?

I'll start with my story but I'll keep it brief:

Mid December last year I was sitting at my laptop at home (making a cartoon animation... a new hobby of mine) and suddenly got a shooting, zapping (like an electric shock) down my left arm.
Frightened the absolute hell out of me. Never had anything like it before in my life.
Immediately thought the worst... HEART ATTACK IMMINENT.
Panicked big time. Literally thought I had minutes to live - and let's face it, fear doesn't get much bigger than this.

Needless to say I didn't pass away that night, but I was left a panick-ridden, quivvering mess. Every day / night thereon I was thinking... is this it for me? any day... any hour... any minute I'm going to die.

During the weeks after, I'd have panic attack after panic attack - fuelled by fear.
Every waking moment I was consumed with thoughts of pending death. My personality was stripped away and replaced with a wreck.

The rest is history... but there you have it. My disorder!

And yes, this was BOUND to happen to me. I've always been a little anxious. Always been uneasy with flying. Always thought the worst (glass half full, etc.). Always feared pain/death to a degree.

Being single for the past 4 years... I've been partying like a good'un. Often out on the razzle at least 2 nights away.
Year ago met a girl with whom I'm now quite settled with.

All said and done, this was BOUND to happen to me. Strangely - I kinda knew it would one day.

Anxiety disorder has its upsides - I only drink about 10% of what I used to, rarely out late, eat much more healthily and so on.
It's been hell but it's changed me for the better, and, although I'm not a believer, I could almost see this as a divine warning or intervention. Something telling me things have to change... OR ELSE!

Mine started after being bullied at school. I would get anxious around classmates. I also became more anxious over the years due to having a series of rough social situations and workplace bullying.

[Chiliphil1]

Mine started almost a year ago (can't believe it's been that long) when I had been at a job I hated for about 1 1/2 years, huge stress and pressure combined with a hatred for what I was doing.

It started with a chest pain that is still undiagnosed, I believe it's either costochondritis or just something from sitting at a computer all day, anyhow. I had the chest pain which led me into immense panic for a week non stop, after that ended I was on edge all the time and even had health anxiety over any little thing in my body, I went for months of having every disease you have ever heard of.

I was put on an ad, which really turned me around, I feel good now, I still get the occasional anxiety but I am so much better, I've quit that job and am now coming off the pills, hopefully things will stay good it has been really nice.

I will say though, and I believe most people would think I'm a bit off, but looking back I am really thankful that I had these issues, I believe that God sent me this anxiety to re prioritize my life, I have mad so many great changes since this all started as far as diet and health and it really showed me what matters in my life and thus I really got a whole new outlook on things, so for me as miserable ad it was in hindsight it was a good thing that it happened.

[JAug]

I've always had a little anxiety, but it wasn't amped up until last summer (2011). I've been having dizzy/lighthead spells for a few months prior to a fainting spell. The Drs told me it was nothing to worry about and was likely hypertension/anxiety. I passed out in public.

The passing out wasn't the deal breaker for me. It was that Dr's never gave me a reason WHY i passed out.

The factors that could have an effect on why I fainted:
1) Two days prior I went on an exhausting road bike race and didn't hydrate well. When I was done with the race my pulse was 3x what it normally is for hours after the race. The day I passed out I went to the gym in the morning and felt VERY weak.
2) It was a HOT day in July

After I fainted I went to the hospital, was feeling fine and the ER Dr said as I was walking out "by the way, u were a little dehydrated". Now, if I was only a "little" dehydrated why the hell would I pass out? And this opened the door to "what ifs" and me trying to constantly figure out and prevent what caused it. It's a horrible cycle and i've been seeing a psychologist for it for about 8 months now.

All tests (EKG, EEG, CAT scan, MRI, Blood tests, Physical, Neurologist) clean..

[redangel21]

I think I have always had it. Even when I didn't know it. As a young kid I had separation anxiety (I assume) because I would cry and get sick, every time my parents would leave me. My anxiety disappeared for a few years and then...the trigger? hmmm...Im honestly not sure. One morning I just started getting sick in the morning again.

[ReanimatedAngel]

Chiliphil1- I'm currently at a job with a ton of pressure and which I hate. It's only temporary though(summer assignment) so I keep telling myself it's only for a little while to make myself feel better.

Anyways, my anxiety started in high school when I had my first fainting episode. I fainted several times in high school. I'm now asthenophobic; constantly afraid of fainting in places I feel I can't escape and especially in front of people. I don't know how this cycle started whether I was anxious originally in high school and fainted because of it or if I have developed anxiety from the fear of my fainting. I'm not generally anxious but this one thing keeps me constantly anxious, "am I going to faint today?"

[Chiliphil1]

Chiliphil1- I'm currently at a job with a ton of pressure and which I hate. It's only temporary though(summer assignment) so I keep telling myself it's only for a little while to make myself feel better.

Anyways, my anxiety started in high school when I had my first fainting episode. I fainted several times in high school. I'm now asthenophobic; constantly afraid of fainting in places I feel I can't escape and especially in front of people. I don't know how this cycle started whether I was anxious originally in high school and fainted because of it or if I have developed anxiety from the fear of my fainting. I'm not generally anxious but this one thing keeps me constantly anxious, "am I going to faint today?"

Sorry to hear that, I spent over 2 years at that job, just miserable I am so glad that I quit, I don't know why I waited so long, I guess I was scared of losing the income, but then now that I look back I could have done this anytime, but I'm glad though the anxiety issues have completely changed my life in a good way, so looking back I'm glad I had the issues, hopefully though it's all over with.

[jlong329]

2011 was a horrible year for me. I lost my job in 2/11, feel behind on my mortgage, was running to financial problems and was unemployed for about 5 months. In June of 2011, I was blessed
to find a very good job and everything seemed to fall back into place.

In Nov 2011, after coming back on my lunch break, I started feeling a little dizzy so I started looking up the symptoms on webmd and to no avail, heart attack symptoms came up. At that time I felt like I ha to get out of there so I got up and started walking to the restroom, on the way to the restroom I started experiencing those same symptoms that I saw online. Crushing
chest pain, my whole left side was tingling, fast heart beat, hot flashes and just some other crazy symptoms. I called 911 the paramedics came and took me to the hospital.

I was in the hospital for 5 days, they ran every test under the sun. They did a cardiac cath, echocardiogram, EKG, X-ray, MRI of the brain, countless of blood test, and all of the test came back negative. That was Nov 2011, since that day, I have not been the same. I've been to numerous of cardiologists, neurologists, endocrinologists, I've been to the ER at least 7 times, have done additional testing for thyroid, parathyroid, pheochromocytoma, ultrasound of the carotid arteries, Lung VQ scan to check for blood clots, an again everything comes back negative.

All the doctors are telling me the same thing, that I experienced a panic attack and now suffer from
Anxiety from the feat that the panic attack will happen again. What I don't understand is the symptoms that I am feeling. From the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep, I feel tingling in my face, my right side of my face twitches alot, I feel flushed all the time and feel like I am sweating on my forehead, I experience chest pain and all sorts of crazy symptoms, but the constant tingling and constant ligheadedness is what gets me. I am always feeling like I'm going to pass out and die.

Sorry for this long entry, I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if this is all attributed to anxiety. Can the doctors have missed something and I actually have something more serious? And if it is anxiety, how long does it take to get back to my pre Nov 2011 life?

I am 30 years of age.

[crouchy]

Hi there I have been rushed into a&e several tines as I thought I was dying, chest pain, dizziness hot flushes etc. They took an ECG each time blood pressure, a chest x-ray one time and blood tests I've even got to have anotherone at the end of the month. But they were all negative, apart from my blood pressure being slightly high but that was put down to stress. I'm only 24. Have u ever been to your gp and asked him about referring you to counselling or CBT?

[danielle22]

Chiliphil1- I'm currently at a job with a ton of pressure and which I hate. It's only temporary though(summer assignment) so I keep telling myself it's only for a little while to make myself feel better.

Anyways, my anxiety started in high school when I had my first fainting episode. I fainted several times in high school. I'm now asthenophobic; constantly afraid of fainting in places I feel I can't escape and especially in front of people. I don't know how this cycle started whether I was anxious originally in high school and fainted because of it or if I have developed anxiety from the fear of my fainting. I'm not generally anxious but this one thing keeps me constantly anxious, "am I going to faint today?"

I have the same phobia about vomiting which then manifested into a health phobia. It's so tiring worrying about the same thing over and over.
I get invited out for tea. Which I love eating out. But to to the lead up to that I get more anxious and start to feel sick then I actually think I'm sick. Then I cancel. Once I cancel I feel such releif and don't feel sick anymore , but then I kick myself for not going ! Vicious cycle.

Also I have had the chest pains you guys speak of. Crushing chest pain and burning. I'd get hot and cold, nausea and tingling numbness. All anxiety which has cause the acid to rise up and get reflux and burning.

[psych_student]

I've always been a pretty anxious person. I used to get panic attacks when I was a small child, but they went away through high school. Last summer, I went through a pretty bad depressive episode whilst in the middle of a particularly unhealthy relationship. I was depressed for about eight months or so, and then my depression seemed to be subsiding. This past Christmas I was on vacation with my family, and I believe that's when my condition really started. I'd been feeling a bit off for a couple days. One particular day I woke up feeling a bit uneasy and out of it, so I had a cup of coffee and then headed out to Walmart with my parents to do some holiday shopping. As soon as I walked into Walmart, I knew something was wrong. I couldn't concentrate on what my mother was saying to me, and the fact that there were people walking around me was making me very frightened for some reason. I felt a twinge of derealization (although I didn't know what that was at the time), and then the panic just exploded in my mind. I had to run out of the store and have my parents drive me home, where I spent the rest of the day in bed under my comforter.

Since then, I've had pretty constant anxiety. I find that during the school months, it goes away (or at least it did this past semester). This summer, I'm working, and I've had to stay off coffee because I can't seem to drink coffee without having a panic attack anymore. I also am sensitive to marijuana, as I've noted some other people have mentioned. I had another fairly bad panic attack at work about a month ago, and since then the derealization has been my main sympton. I used to get a feeling akin to hypoglycemia (I just thought I was really hungry, but realized it was caused by my anxiety), but I don't feel that as much anymore. The other day I had my worst derealization episode ever; I felt like I couldn't even speak to anyone, and there were a lot of people around me. It took a few days to go away, but I feel okay today.

I saw a psychiatrist for CBT for a few months last year, and now I'm seeing another talk therapist for the anxiety. Hope it helps.

[homebird]

I had a baby.

Seriously, that was it. I had a baby and three days later I started having severe panic attacks. It's been 2 1/2 years and it hasn't gone away.

[autopartslew]

I think mine started when I was young after my grandfather died my parents say I changed after that not wanting birthday parties and staying in my room alot

[Tristanayoubi]

i started while i was out of the country.

[kww5190]

Mine started in late April of this year. I was diagnosed anemic after having weeks of feeling weak and just not right then right after having the panic attacks from the anemia symptoms I fell at work and was having knee issues, I was starting to feel better from my iron perscription but then I needed an MRI for my knee, while in the machine for the 40mins I just melted down and have been suffering daily ever since. I just wish there was a magic way to wake up one day without this anxiety.

[camilla91]

Mines been to visit me twice in my life, once when I was 15, I couldn't get on public transport, couldn't leave the area I live in (that was the worst one) and had bouts of derealisation, I saw a hypnotist who told me the reason I can leave the area I live is because when I was younger I'd gone out (away from my home) and when I'd come back my parents had had a fight and my dad had left, I had no idea this affected me until the hypnotist pointed it out, just knowing the reason why fixed me! I could go anywhere! My anxiety soon left..
Then it came back a few weeks ago.. Bad. This year has been one of the worst for me, my partners drinking started getting out of control and he regulary turned nasty, we split up in march, not because he was hitting me but because he was talking to another girl over the internet.. Then my mum got poorly, I saw it 3 weeks before it was full blown and tried to tell my mum to get help, I sort of blame myself for not doing enough, she's been in a psychriatric hospital for 3 months now.. I started drinking badly, only like once a week but I'd get so smashed I couldn't remember what I'd done the night before and would come back with bruises all over me, my sister said I threw a vodka bottle at her once! I don't remember that.. I couldn't get rid of the depression got back with my partner, he still drinks but is no longer violent, I went to the doctors for depression but a week before that I'd felt a small bit of derealisation, the doctor gave me sertraline, I was in hospital 3 nights in a row because I was having huge panic attacks and bad derealisation, took myself off the tablets and never touched any again. Since then I've got better, the nurses that came to see me put me in a place called the haven, like a break away from home for a week, and told me I was very close to a breakdown..
I'm now trying my hardest to pull myself together and get the life me and my son deserve, the worst is the depersonalisation but I'll beat it. Course I will. I've done it before without meds, I'll do it again :)

[ADD]

It was a Wednesday night, around 9:35pm. I was having a double espresso and ice tea in the company of two friends. In a split of a second my whole world changed, my foundation shook to its core, there I was experiencing the longest De JA Vu ever which later on I foud out it was called ( derealization).

I stopped my conversation short and I had this urgent feeling that I wanted to leave the Cafe and wanted to go home. I thought, no I was sure at that moment that something terrible was happening to me though I couldn't explain what it was. This was something new I didnt know what to make of it I was confused.

For three long weeks I kept everything to myself, I would lie down in my bed day in and day out, terrified trying to analize what was happening constantly praying ( the only thing that gave me some comfort ). My family was more confused than I was, they just stood there and would wonder without knowing what to make of it, my friends started to get offended at me for ignoring them, phone calls and texts. But there was something else that was at the center of my attention, my very own well being.

I took the courage to go and see my doctor who immediately pointed out at Anxiety/Panic Attacks, there I was in silence still more confused than ever, asking myself how did this happen. Well without boring you guys any further, I'm doing much better now, thank God. I'm on Celexa and Buspar, the generic versions of coarse :-).

As strange as this may sound, there are some benefits to this 1) I'm closer to God 2) I meeting great people everyday in here ( You are all amazing human beings). And the list can go on. But I bow myself out, as I have consumed a lot of your time :-).. Thank you for reading.

[raggamuffin]

My second panic attack changed my mindset. I think because the panic attack lasted nearly an hour. Whereas the first panic attack lasted barely a minute. From then on it's been going steadily downhill. I suppose one benefit was that I quit smoking cannabis and tobacco.

Ed

[camilla91]

I think it was the coffee that started yours ADD, I'm very sensetive to caffiene so can't drink it now! Lol but before my derealisation started I always noticed glimpses of it when I'd drank a coffee! Lol derealisation is one of the worst things to suffer with and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! I still get it everyday but no that it passes after a while.. Well done with how far you've come!
And raggamuffin, good on you for quitting the weed! Worst thing ever that stuff, I smoked it for 3 years from when I was 12, stopped when the anxiety started and within 3 month the paranoia that you get from it was gone, best thing you can do is quit, I believe that a lot of mental illnesses are caused by drugs, every person I know that have mental illnesses have had cannibis at some point in there lives, I seriously despise the stuff, so well done!

[jhunter89]

I'm guilty of that also, I now too hate it!

[raggamuffin]

Yes I agree. When you first try it, it's fun but then it slips all too easily into a day to day routine and by the end you realize it just takes from your life and there's no benefits to it. I wish my girlfriend would quit it too but she still enjoys it.

Ed

[camilla91]

Its does become a routine way to easily, mine started as a bit of fun and before I knew it I was smoking everyday, I never smoked fags until I quit which was odd, everyone said I smoked joints like fags lol, but there came a day when I was really stoned and I said t my friends that I hated being stoned? Just out of blue it hit me that I didn't even like smoking it, didn't like the feeling, I saw it for what it was, a drug that ruins people, I quit that day and have never touched it again that was christmas day 2007. Your girlfriend will snap out of it, hopefully before it causes some real damage..

[nih92]

Hi. İ am new here, my english is not that good so forgive me about that. İm 20 and i suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. İ get angry too easily and i say things that i dont actually wanna say. İ can't control myself and also i became too pessimist! İ wasn't like that until this year. İ Had always too much anxiety for everything but when my psychologist told me i have to take medicines and it's too important i became worse:( i can never sleep well and i wake up at 8 o clock in te morning everyday even if i sleep too late. Take makes me too angry and i lost my tolerance for everything. İ lost even my energy. İ always think about the worst situations"what if my parents die, what if my boyfriend leaves me?"etc. İ feel down all the time! Help me please:(

[ellen1]

When a girl in my class had a possible brain tumour and I started over worrying about all kinds of illnesses, it got to the point where I started getting panic attacks and severe symptoms of anxiety. It sucks.

[1Laticia]

I really don't remember how my anxiety started but I think I had anxiety to a certain level, but stress and events in that occur in my life just makes it worse to where I can't control it. It really got bad during my second semester of my freshman year in college, I guess due to stress.

[coffeee]

As a child, I had weird thoughts/images. I also had weird habits, like picking the skin off of my lips and feeling my pillow case a certain way. I worried a lot as well.

One day when I was about 17 I smoked a lot of weed. I always smoked a lot of weed, but this day I smoked A LOT. I went to a movie with some friends. Everyone else was sober. The movie starts off, slow, funny, happy... the out of NOWHERE the main character gets freaking stabbed. I started to disconnect, feel detached and "weird." Couldn't breathe. Felt trapped in the dark. I eventually couldn't take it anymore and went in the bathroom and cried. On and off throughout the whole movie I went back and forth trying to calm down, but to no avail I still remained anxious and was freaking out for no reason.

That was my first panic attack, and ever since that day I have never felt the same. The anxiety I had as a child grew into a monster. After my first panic attack, I had many more because I FEARED having panic attacks. I had panic attacks about panic attacks.

I have gotten a little better, but still really anxiety ridden. I was prescribed something last year, but I didn't take it because I was afraid of the side effects. A lot of people say I'm really "OCD" and while that may be true, I have no confirmation of it at this time.

[Matt C]

Hey Dazza,

I want to quote 2 things you said:

"I've been partying like a good'un. Often out on the razzle at least 2 nights away."

"Anxiety disorder has its upsides - I only drink about 10% of what I used to, rarely out late, eat much more healthily and so on.
It's been hell but it's changed me for the better, and, although I'm not a believer, I could almost see this as a divine warning or intervention. Something telling me things have to change... OR ELSE!"

Mine started from overdoing drugs... i.e. a concoction of things. I am not about to put drugs down here, and say that anyone should or should not take them. That is not my point. The point is... I too was overdoing things. I too when young had a certain amount of social phobia because I grew up with consistent physical and mental abuse.

I turned to drugs to learn more, I mean I had no other obvious ideas of how to grow out of my old habits.

I got bitch slapped by the Universe too! haha. Yeah, left me with daylight hallucinations (even when not on drugs) pretty much 24-7 initially, but exacerbated by severe panic attacks and disorder... and GAD... and agrophobia with social phobis to the MAX!!!

Yeah... big bitch slap.

If I hadn't discovered what I did then I'd surely not have made it out alive... but I'm a tough chap, and I care too much to let anything like that get the better of me! :)

Anyway, that's how it happened, and it is still the most challenging and the BEST thing that ever happened to me. I'm now more confident, more happy, more balanced, more serene than I ever was before in my life... far more than I could ever have imagined... so... I got my wish, just in a way that I could never have anticipated!

Speak to you soon.

Matt

[Matt C]

Oh yeah, I fdorgot to mention... left me feeling KO'd 24-7 too... sleep wasn't refreshing... all day I felt like I'd been hit with a truck and caught typhoid or something!! It was like being 90! I lost my libido, and vitality... I reckon this was partly due to taxing my endocrine system, liver and kidneys... and partly due to the effects of stress on the system.

[Freedom Writer]

It all started in my Math class, when my teacher called on me to answer some questions on the board. My heart was racing, my mouth was dry, my throat felt like it closed up, and my arms and legs were shaking. I was SWEATING. So I did what I was called on to do, but everything was worse. The silence was suffocating and the stares behind me burned into my back. It was when I was sitting back at my desk with my hands trembling and trying to breath normally that I realized I could have a social anxiety disorder. I was suddenly aware of how scared I was of almost everyone. Ever since then, my entire personality toned down. I try to stay in the background, and hope that one day it will go away. Thank you guys for listening. This feels great to get off my chest. :)

[Sedigive]

My Mother was always anxious so I think I got some of that from her. However, mine didn't start getting bad until after I married 11 years ago. About 2 years into it we went on a vacation and it started there. The symptoms woke me up around 3 am pounding heart, sweating, cold chills, fear, etc I didn't know what to do. I thought back to my Mother and decided just to get any rest I could and then schedule a Doctor’s appointment when we got back home. I did and after a battery of tests I got diagnoses of GAD and GERD what fun! Knowing it didn't put my mind at ease but I surprised the thoughts and went on. Fast forward to 2009, I was laid off from work and was unemployed for 10 months. It all started back but I didn't take anything for it because I had no insurance. I got a job in 2010 and started back on meds. However, I was still constantly afraid of losing it. In 2011 my husband was laid off (still is unemployed). I pretty much broke down. My dosage of the SSRI was doubled. I am still struggling to get things under control. It also didn’t help that my Uncle died of a heart attack in Dec of 2011. I started getting health anxiety on top of the financial fears.

[ariokage]

It started a little bit with bullying when i was 12 but it really started up when I was in high school. i got into many toxic friendships and my boyfriend all 4 years was abusive. I also had a friend who would control me and threaten me if i didn't spend all my time with her it made me so nervous all the time, if i didn't follow my friend and boyfriends orders id be "punished". I got rid of them and its been a bit better ( they are dating each-other now its hilarious! ) but i still get really nervous about money, school, future etc. also nervous about meeting new people since well the last 4 years everyone I met were obviously psycho. But I have faith :)

[MeToo]

It seems like many here got their starts from a specific event or threat? I can't put mine down to a single thing but probably a combination of things. I got bullied a lot at school for all sorts of reasons, my parents knew too many people so they were always talking about someone's bizarre or horrible illness or accident. They were also a bit over-protective eg wear a coat or you'll get pneumonia and die,(the fact that I was hospitalised with pneumonia at the ages of 5 and 10 only strengthened their case) eat your sandwiches or you'll shrivel up and die, drive carefully the roads are wet,(really I didn't realise it was raining, thanks for poinbting that out, I'm a freaking moron) wake us up when you get home and on it goes. The media contributes as well I think with their breathless reporting of anything bad that happens, as crimes rates drop, media reporting of violent crime increases, for some reason I find myself compelled to read crime stories and that just compounds the anxiety.

There's also the fact that all the bad shit that has happened has been stuff I was wasn't worried about and the stuff you do worry about hardly ever eventuates, so you get this sense that if you worry about it, it won't happen, like its a protective thing.

Mine has got worse slowly since my mid 20's I'm beginning to think its more of a brain chemistry or physiological thing because I know many of my fears are irrational or absurd but the physical goings on can;'t be stopped

[mikem56]

I'm new here, mine began two years ago while I was at my job on a loading dock. My entire body went numb from hyperventilating and I went down and couldn't move. 911 was called and that was my first real experience with an anxiety attack. I wasn't sure if I was having a heart attack or what was happening. Recently I found out what threw off my brain chemistry to start the attacks. A week before that first attack I went to work early in the morning but had not eaten in about 24 hours, I had gotten little sleep the night before so I pounded a monster when I got to work. I then had an exam so I took the study buddy pills that help you concentrate. (Never take them, they are just caffeine pills that don't help..) during that exam I felt like my heart would explode. A week later I had that first attack where medics were called. Anyone else have a similar situation? I have now had anxiety for 2 years, and I can't have caffeine anymore as that exacerbates it...

[anxious_annaaaa]

My first panic attack happened around 10 or 11 years ago, when I was 12 years old. It was on valentines day (which might be why I hate the holiday now), and I was picked on a lot in school, my grandfather, who was like a father to me, had just died, and my parents were considering divorce, which would mean I'd have to move. I was at the movies with my best friend at the time and her stepmom. In the middle of the movie, I started tensing up, to the point where I felt a tingling and numbness, which quickly spread through my body. I simultaneously felt very flushed, felt like I couldn't breathe, felt like vomiting, and I felt like I was going to gag. I freaked out, thinking I was having a heart attack or something, and basically announced to my friend and her stepmom that they needed to get me out of the theater NOW. They panicked and had no idea what was going on, but we went home, and I explained it to my mom, adamant that she take me to the hospital. She laughed and told me I had experienced a panic attack. I ended up finding out mental illness is common in my family, and was brought to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with panic disorder, depression, and OCD. All of which I inherited from my mother. My fight or flight response was always so intense that I couldn't even stay in class and had to be homeschooled for the remainder of the school year. I became agoraphobic, crying and throwing a fit even to go to my therapy appointments. I was petrified of vomit, so I stopped eating because I was afraid if I ate I would throw up. I lost 20 pounds, which was bad since I was only 95 pounds to begin with. My psychiatrist told me if I didn't eat she'd put me in the hospital to be fed intravenously, and that was the day I got my act together and made an attempt to get better. I have it mostly under control, but certain life events have caused me to relapse a few times, and as i get older it seems my OCD gets worse. And of course drinking caffeine never helps either lol

[dazza]

I find this thread SO incredibly interesting.

Near every story reinforces everything I've studied about anxiety disorder and how it develops.

MikeM56 - funny (or not so, rather) how just the ONE event / trauma can trigger years of anxiety disorder, huh?

Ariokage - abusive relationships, another common anxiety trigger.

MeToo - brainwashed with "what ifs"... you must do this, you must do that... and reading too much crap!

Freedom_writer - I was TERRIBLY anxious in school. When told to stand up in front of the class I'd just want to die. I can relate to this, entirely.

Coffeee - an anxious child from the outset, it seems... and YES, cinemas are one of the worst places for triggering a panic attack. Been there, done that... TWICE! lol

My god, we're all so similar...

[ariokage]

My god, we're all so similar...

I found that comforting. Kinda the point of these fourms huh? to realize we aren't alone in the fight. If one of us can get better we all can. :)

[lsapphirel]

Literally thought I had minutes to live - and let's face it, fear doesn't get much bigger than this.
Tell me about it!! I was traumatized after!!!!

I was left a panick-ridden, quivvering mess. Every day / night thereon I was thinking... is this it for me? any day... any hour... any minute I'm going to die.
Uh Huh, i hate this obsessive thoughts too!! They wont go away!!

During the weeks after, I'd have panic attack after panic attack - fuelled by fear.
Every waking moment I was consumed with thoughts of pending death. My personality was stripped away and replaced with a wreck.
I was afraid to sleep!! and it was like a nightmare!!

I've always been a little anxious. Always been uneasy with flying. Always thought the worst. Always feared pain
Same issues, anxious about everything, i fly for the first time in my life when i was 30, i felt a sharp pain on my nose bridge and i cried(before my PA)

I've been partying like a good'un.
Dancing has been my only way i could get all my tension out, but since i had my 3rd child, that is almost impossible to have! so no more release of tension, all bottled up since 2007

I only drink about 10% of what I used to, rarely out late, eat much more healthily and so on. Something telling me things have to change...
Used to be alcoholic, now ive quit drinking, smoking, night lifes are a no no, living healthy and exercising, and yes, it is like a sign for me to change.

Started in my bedroom 25 July 2012, 5:40am, on my bed, came out of the blue, i was getting ready for bed, and boom, it strikes, honestly, i will never forget that rush tingly feeling from my kidney area that was signalling i am going to die any moment. i freaked out, it got worse and my hubby asked me to sleep lol, i think i just screamed for him to call the ambulance or anything else, thats when i felt like i was having heart attack and i couldnt walk, i was numb, i couldnt breathe, i was a total wreck, and the ambulance hesitated to bring me in lol. thats where i learnt about this illness, ive never heard before. my life changed after. and im not over it yet!!

i forgot to mention that i need coffee to move like every 2 hours and not to mention the redbulls in between, i have this habit of drinking redbulls and coffee double dosed before bed.

[jhunter89]

i forgot to mention that i need coffee to move like every 2 hours and not to mention the redbulls in between, i have this habit of drinking redbulls and coffee double dosed before bed.

Bloody hell!! No wonder you're awake half the night!!

[philw05]

Ive always been anxious but it truly set in last November when my Grandad died , I managed to get a small hold on it but in January this year my Nephew contracted meningitis (his Dad has nothing to do with him so I made it my sole purpose in life to make sure he has a male influence , everyone needs a father figure) he made a full recovery but that tipped me over the edge, I felt bad because I was not suffering as much as my darling baby sister and what she was going through.. But we all pulled through and I'll tell you now , seeing my little boy (yes I see him as my own) complete his first sports day is more uplifting than any SSRI's and CBT ( I'm on both )

[canuckdave]

The beginning of August I was sitting in my truck at work playing around with my laptop and out of nowhere a squeezing sensation developed right in the middle of my chest along with some accompanying nausea, almost like I was going to pass out. I honestly thought this was my time to go. Wasn't sure if I was having a heart attack and I don't know why I didn't call an ambulance. A heaviness stayed across my chest for the following days and finally went to the ER worried it was my heart. They kept me for 6 hours after going in with an elevated heart rate (probably cause i was scared and anxious just being there) and they found nothing indicating it was a heart attack. They sent me on my way saying it was maybe stress.

After that day things have never been the same. Heaviness across my chest that comes and goes with anxious scenarios. Various pains all over my body. I did a stress test that came back with no problems but that didn't put my mind at ease. The heaviness and pains I have mimics heart attack symptoms and I can not convince myself that anxiety could cause such physical symptoms. Once I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was being electrocuted thru my entire body. I have broke down crying on a few occasions thinking that I am going to drop dead. I am so convinced I have heart problems that I have eliminated all caffeine. Eliminated my diet coke addiction (aka aspartame known to cause anxiety). Gone Vegan to prevent heart disease advancement. I even still take a daily baby aspirin to help try and prevent a heart attack even thou the stress doctor told me its not necessary. lol I have shocked my body I am sure causing more anxiety with all the changes its going thru. I sprained my ankle at work and now I think I have DVT and I will die from a clot because of daily calf pain. I am also convinced I have an underlying chronic disease. To put it mildly whatever has happened, it has scared the living daylights out of me.

I have always been hard on myself. Suffer from depression. Have been worried I have a chronic illness. I also have alot of daily stress from work and financial situations. Worked some odd hours. Had very poor sleeping and nutritional habits. I never really had a problem with anxiety before but now all of these problems have built up and finally have reared their ugly head in the form of general anxiety, health anxiety and panic attacks. I am 36 btw. The physical symptoms are sometimes overwhelming. For 2 months I have been tortured with my thoughts and symptoms. Not as long as some of you but I now feel your pain. Not fun at all.

I have tried to make immediate changes by eating healthy, losing weight and staying on a consistent sleep pattern. I am planning to do daily exercise now and trying to get in with a family doctor to discuss my problems. Although here i find myself at 4:30 am typing this after going thru 3 hours of a very intense stomach cramp and talking to telehealth worried and them saying I should go to the ER only to have the stomach cramp disappear while talking to them on the phone. The mind can play cruel tricks on the human body.

[jessy]

Mine started as a child , about 6 years of age .
I can't think at that time of a specific reason for it , sure it's just the way I am .

I was bullied at school & eventually taken out of school , that's when it became very bad .

I'm 32 now , I still suffer , but I'm able to deal with it now & live with it x

[dazza]

Canuckdave

In case you haven't read my initial post on this thread, I also suffered with heart attack anxiety.

Mine started when I got a massive electric-shock type pain in my left arm. I immediately assumed an impending heart attack which had me fearing for my life in the coming months, leading to severe anxiety and panic attacks.

Silly really, since an electric-shock pain is not a symptom of a heart attack but somehow this is what I concluded in my own mind and that was that.

Thinking back prior to the development of my anx. disorder, I already had some concern for my health in the back of my mind. I was ALREADY a little worried about my heart and I suppose this is why I concluded what I did.
Did you also have health concerns prior to anx. disorder kicking off? (I'm betting you did)

It's taken me some 10 months to get to a point where I'm nearly back to normal. I'd say I'm now a good 85% recovered.

It took me 4 x doctors visits, 4 x ECG's, 1 x ER visit, 7 x cognetive therapy sessions, anti-anxiety medication when needed, a LOT of self-help calming suppliments & some changes in lifestyle to get here.
It's been one fucking HELL of a nightmare...

Do WHATEVER's necessary to seek the reassurance you need. Don't think twice about calling an ambulance or going to ER when things get tough... JUST DO IT. It helps.

I've always been a keen squash player up until all this shit came about. It's been 10 months since I've played... but I finally found the courage to go 2 days ago.
This was a major breakthrough for me. It pretty much proved ONCE and FOR ALL that my heart is not starved of blood or oxygen. If it was I would have felt it during the game.

Chest pains are one of the most common symptoms of elevated anxiety & stress. Frightening, especially if you have heart attack anxiety.
Palpitations (of which I've had more than my fair share this year) are also common. Again, more stress, worry and panic attack inducing shit you could REALLY do without with this disorder.

I'm pleased to hear you're making some lifestyle changes. If not just to help recover from this most horrific, torturous disorder... but for the general good of your existance... today, tomorrow and the rest of your life.

[dazza]

Bumpety bump!

:-)

[sadieleanna]

Even though i'm newly diognosed,i think i've always suffered from anxiety. I remember at school i always felt like an outcast,i was bullied,i did't look or act like the other girls. I was different and so i felt like i was constantly being judged. My anxiety isn't just physical but its social and a little bit mentale too! The anxiety attacks i get usually stem from worry,stress and sense that i'm losing control.

[Peak]

Good thread, very interesting read. I can certainly identify with a lot of these stories. This is mine.

Some of the events that have contributed to my anxiety started before I was even aware of them. So rather than start at the beginning, I'll start from when I became aware of it all.

About 15 years ago I had a lump on my back. It started off very small and over the course of a couple of years got bigger and bigger. Because it grew slowly and was on my back so not visible to me and, lets face it, because I'm a man and hate seeing doctors I did nothing about it. Eventually though it got so big that I couldn't ignore it but by this time I was now to afraid to get it looked at. I had convinced myself that this was cancer and that as I had left it so long there was now nothing that could be done and that therefore I was going to die. I know it sounds ridiculous now but at the time it was terrifying. Due to other events that happened in my childhood which I'll come on to, I was able to bury all my fears even from myself for quite some time but of course they were never really buried, just laying dormant just under the surface ready to pounce. And pounce they did! I started to get palpitations, rapid heart rate, skipped beats, extra beats, massively strong beats that would give me a head rush and blur my vision it got to the point where I couldn't even lift my arm without my heart racing to 180bpm and beating like a bad Jazz Drummer having a fit. In my mind I was now just a question of whether I was going to die of a heart attack or cancer, either way I was doomed.

One morning it was so bad I couldn't even get out of bed and finally gave in and phoned the doctor. When I saw the doctor he took my blood pressure which was now high, listened to my heart and asked if there was anything I was worried about. I said "yeah this" and pointed to the lump on my back. In the most nonchalant way that I will never forget he took one look at it and less than a second later said "oh that's nothing, I can remove that now for you". What followed was a feeling I can't describe and have never felt since. I literally felt all the stress, anxiety and fear drain from the top of my head all the way down my body and out of my toes. It was the most bizzare and incredible feeling I've ever had. Like a head rush but much much stronger, in reverse and through the entire body. Almost instantly the heart rate was back to normal and more importantly keeping a normal rhythm.

For the next 10 years or so everything was great, no palps, BP was normal, life was good. Then a few weeks before I got married a deeply buried skeleton was unearthed that had devastating effect. I found out that a family member had been sexually abused by another family member. This quite obviously was like a nuclear bomb going off in the family and everything as I knew it, in terms of my family, was destroyed forever. It also caused a massive rift in the family which still exists today. For me it was very devastating as I was very close (with the exception of my wife, the person I was closest to than anyone else in the world) to the person that had been abused but for reasons that are too complicated to go into here it created a riff between us and we ended up not speaking at all for nearly 3 years. I still wrestle with my feelings over this as the perpetrator is still around and I'm caught in the middle.

Then 7 years ago my wife and I decided to start a family. Unfortunately this meant that we needed fertility treatment and for seven years we went through multiple IUI treatments which ended tragically in two miscarriages. In the end the clinic told us that there was no point in continuing with IUI and that IVF was the only thing that might work but IVF costs around £5000 a time and on average it take 3 cycles to work. We couldn't even afford 1 attempt and so had to face the reality that we were never going to have children. This hit us really hard. Much harder than I was aware. I really didn't think I was that bothered but I was. It floored me. I ended up going for counselling but this re-awoken deeply, deeply buried emotions and feelings since childhood.

Like many kids these days my parents divorced when I was about 2 years old. I've no memory of this but apparently I cried myself every single night for an entire year so clearly it affected me a lot. Years later they got back together but then split up again so I basically went through this loss twice and it really had a dramatic effect on me. I just shut down. I kept myself to myself and more importantly buried all my feelings about pretty much everything and everytime these feelings tried to break to the surface I would mentally build another wall, lock another door and cover them up again and again and again. I now know that this is where my anxiety began in that I never really felt safe, secure or stable. Then adding on top health scares, massive family trauma and not being able to have a family of my own it's no wonder I have anxiety!

[mellymel]

I think I have always had it but it just recently spiraled to this awfulness. I guess I aways kept it at bay because I was busy with life, then I had a baby and quit my job to stay at home. In the past two months I got to this point. Not sure what caused this attack but I know it was either a health scare with my daughter back in June or the weed I smoked that made me obsess over the fear of hurting my child.

[jess1802]

Hello :) it's great to read these replies. Makes your own 'story' not seem so silly. Not that any are.

Mine started when I was 16-17 properly. But stress was what caused it. A lot of stress. When I was 12 my nanna told us she had breast cancer. Long story short she wanted to do it naturally. It didn't work. By the time she wanted chemo it was too late. I'll never forget seeing her the way she was days before she died. I was 13 when she passed. I never dealt with it. She was my 'person'. When I was 14-15 my parents split. Once again I was a mess. Then had one parent using me as a messenger for bad to the other. Which was hard. Then when I was 16 I was raped at a party in my mums house next door to my bedroom. And again. Major stress. Big stress as no friends were really there. Then when I was 17 went on my first ever plane by myself to New Zealand. Never been outta the country alone. I remember feeling really weird while over there. Just. Felt off?? When I came home I felt like I ha gone nuts. I went through a moment of cutting my hair short and just. Losing it. From then on it hasn't stopped. I'm 22 in a few months and I find it SO hard some days to even leave the house.

My biggest fear at the moment is 2012. Everyone is hyped up on it and I've looked on here for other people being scared too. I dunno. I don't like talking about it but I wanna know I'm not alone.

[Audrey00]

My anxiety started when I had my daughter . I had a rough pregnancy was very sick , I had preeclampsia and the doctors didn't do a thing about it . Every day I am afraid that I am going to die and not be able to raise my daughter . That Is when my anxiety began

[JussicaPark]

I had been up on speed for a few days with my boyfriend and we were travelling home and I started freaking out because I thought I had a shard of meth stuck under my skin. I stayed i hosital and I cant really remember much about the next few days. After that I thought I would be fine and that it was just from the drugs and i was drinking heavily and then one night after drinking absinthe i had another panic attack and have had them ever since.

[1Goofy1]

Mine started about 10 years ago, I will never forget that day as long as I live.

I was driving down the highway on my way to deliver cabinet hardware's to my husbands residential construction home that was due to be in a Parade of Homes opening the next day. I loved being involved in the homes we built together. Beautiful day, buzzing down the highway about 70mph and rocking out to my favorite Aerosmith...lol.
Out of the blue I felt funny, clammy, my vision went dark and I felt like I was going to pass out. (scary as hell going 70 mph). I hit the brakes and got of at an exit that was right there and pulled over. Heart racing, face tingling, arms heavy and numb and the feeling of hot and cold at the same time and not enough oxygen in the universe to breath.
I called my husband and he was concerned but said to just calm down a minute and see how I felt. I started to pass after about 10 minutes and as I tried to get back on the highway another wave of it hit me. I was convinced I was having a stroke or heart attack and stopped the car again. So scared, I drove in reverse down the on ramp of the highway, ( do not recommend this), and got downtown to a hospital. After much testing they told me I had a panic attack and I did not even know what that was, had never heard of them.
I had them multiple times a day for months after that and it just about ruined my life. I became afraid to drive or even leave the house. My Dr. at the time was very much a bitch (pardon me), and told me to deal with it. After about 6 weeks my husband demanded a new Dr., a therapist and anything else he could thing of and dragged me from appt. to appt. until someone would put me on meds and help. I had dropped to about 92 pounds and was just so out of it I couldn't even eat. Not to be gross but even my BM's were nothing but clear fluid. After finding proper meds, a good therapist and a wonderfully patient husband I began to slowly recover but to this day I battle with it non stop. These winter months are the worst.
Sorry this was winded and the mention BM's but I want people to know that if left untreated it will make you physically ill, it will go beyond the mental part.
By the time a Dr. would finally listen to my husband I was almost hospitalized due to dehydration and malnutrition. I had weighed 110 a month before when I had my first panic attack.
That was 18 pounds of weight loss in a very short period of time.

[jlong007]

2011 was a horrible year for me. I lost my job in 2/11, feel behind on my mortgage, was running to financial problems and was unemployed for about 5 months. In June of 2011, I was blessed to find a very good job and everything seemed to fall back into place.

In Nov 2011, after coming back on my lunch break, I started feeling a little dizzy so I started looking up the symptoms on webmd and to no avail, heart attack symptoms came up. At that time I felt like I ha to get out of there so I got up and started walking to the restroom, on the way to the restroom I started experiencing those same symptoms that I saw online. Crushing chest pain, it felt as if someone reached into my heart and squeezed it, my whole left side was tingling including my jaw, fast heart beat, hot flashes and just some other crazy symptoms. I called 911 the paramedics came and took me to the hospital. I was in the hospital for 5 days, they ran every test under the sun. They did a cardiac cath, echocardiogram, EKG, X-ray, MRI of the brain, countless of blood test, and all of the test came back negative.

That was Nov 2011, since that day, I have not been the same. I've been to numerous of cardiologists, neurologists, endocrinologists, I've been to the ER at least 7 times, have done additional testing for thyroid, parathyroid, pheochromocytoma, ultrasound of the carotid arteries, Lung VQ scan to check for blood clots, an again everything comes back negative. All the doctors are telling me the same thing, that I experienced a panic attack and now suffer from Anxiety from the feat that the panic attack will happen again. What I don't understand is the symptoms that I am feeling. From the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep, I feel tingling in my face, my right side of my face twitches alot, I feel flushed all the time and feel like I am sweating on my forehead, I experience chest pain and all sorts of crazy symptoms, but the constant tingling and constant ligheadedness is what gets me. I am always feeling like I'm going to pass out and die.

[justconfused]

The worst of mine started about 5 months ago. I've always been nervous about trying things. I have never flown, and never want to. Never ride roller coasters..etc. I get light headed at the sight of heights. In theatres I'd always think what if a gunman comes in or something. BUT I always was fine and happy and never dwelled on stuff. These last 5 months the constant fear of death and something being wrong with me is completely new to me and drives me insane at times. It all started when I got out of school in May I had a great summer after graduating high school and enjoyed myself. Well around August I decide ok it's time to get a job. Well on my first day as I walked up to the building I could feel my legs like they were about to give out on me and I was shaking as if it was freezing outside. Everyday I'd shake until I got started then it would kind of go away, then when I would get off I would just sit in my car and shake for a few minutes and be so scared to even drive. Which I still am. Finally I guess I reached breaking point one day. I worked in a spot where I was very isolated and I panicked thinking noone would find me in time because my chest was hurting and I was feeling light headed (even though nothing was going black or spinning.) I literally lost it and began crying and feeling dread and shaking. I left and went to the doctor and got blood test and ekg and both were fine. I have since then quit the job and got more tests that were fine. It seems like that initial attack has left me feeling so strange.

[anxietyintexas]

Mine was when I got food poisioning at college. I was perfectly happy nd healthy before then. Since my life has been centered around anxiety, emetophobia, and my digestive system

[Ahlstrom]

Smoked tons of weed for 2 years straight
Drank tons of liquor for 2 years straight.
Never combined.
Combined Em.
150+bpm wound up in hospital.
Started that one shitty day.... All cause of one mistake.

[Saldav]

My anxiety/depression started 11 years ago, 4 years before that I worked as a bail recovery agent which was graveyard shift(11pm-9am). I would get home Around 9:30 or 10am depending on morning traffic. I was 18 years old living in a studio paying my own rent, bills, car insurance etc. Very independent since the age of 16, I would sleep till 1:30 pm to be at my other job by 2pm to 8pm I wouldn't even bother to sleep before I started my graveyard shift at 11pm.
Well that cycle screwed my sleep to where I would just simply skip days of sleep or I would just sleep an average of 12 to 14 hours a week. After 4 years of that vicious cycle I got used to it. One day around 2am after the crew and I was driving back from a bail recovery job, my buddy fell asleep on the wheel. To make the story short all I remember is waking up in the hospital with a broken back collapsed lungs, and pain all over. For the next 6 months I couldn't sit, stand, lay down for more than 2hrs at a time.


For the next two years my life consisted of chiropractic adjustment, epidural spine adjustments and physical therapy, at this time I had gotten married and wife was about to give birth to my first boy. I started smoking more weed than usual since it helped my pain and insomnia.


All the money I had been saving from working two jobs went to hospital bills, meds, weed and fast food. since my insurance only cover so much I had to pay a lot out of pocket. My son was born bills piled up, car got repod etc. Etc. HELL!


One nite after smoking some poten chronic I had a major panic attack. Aftermath was Anxiety disorder depression for the next 11 years. With a couple trips to hell and back with surgeries(perforated colon) gall bladder stones and complications with stoma due to colostomy. Well much more but I'm tired so ill stop here. Anxiety to be continued I guess.

[acetone]

It started a year ago along with a UTI( urinary tract infection). I was assailed by dizziness. It felt that the ground I was stepping on was violently shaking. Then racing heartbeat, then extreme fear. Even after a year later this dizziness is still there with me. I am also of a nervous disposition and I feel I had it coming. I'm now on SSRI/antipsychotics/benzos and there is slight improvement.

[tic]

I think was about was 11 when I saw dad beat mum and he blame me for all but and did no wat in was intill my best Freind said I can tell that you all worry and panic she said I think you needed to see someone in took a year to see some I was scared and afraid and my mum till does no about

[jessy]

Mine started age 15 , however I was also a very anxious child . So more or less all my life

[MissyTone]

I don't know for sure when it started but the most memorable one was in january 2013 I was visiting my family in Seattle night before I was to go home to CA. Just spent time with my bestie n God daughter. Came in got into bed drifted off..then BAM.....I felt like I was going to pass out from dizziness ..mind u I was asleep lol so that was really scary then chest pains sweating and if I lay back down it got worse...I had to stand or sit at my parents door. My mom n dad had no idea what to do but my parents have a medical back round and kept saying if it was a heart attack or stroke (which I've had a TIA before)it wouldn't last this long...eventually we went to the ER. ...learned I was diabetic 320 was my sugar level and had a uti on top of already having hypertension ...so no mention of anxiety or panic.....had several similar attacks 13* ER visits and tons to my doctor. Also tested for everything under the sun and my organs and everything were fine my brain fine.but...learned I had neuropathy and intractable migranes ..oh and vertigo was why I was always so dizzy I almost fainted .....no mention of anxiety...now that I'm back in Seattle and have had more attacks without going to er since I was always sedated and sent home..told I needed to drink gatorade or it was neuropathy and hypertension ...finally was told I may behaving panic attacks...now I can sometimes stop it from going to a full on attack...by acknowledging it as panic. ....I think its from the constant health issues I've had in the paat 4 years....idk. I have my diabetes under control no more meds I'm on weight watchers lost 9 lbs in a month :) ...but damn these PA's....

[Stephj526]

I think I've always been anxious to a certain extent, or at least more sensitive. Then I was living alone for the first time and was nervous. My dad passed away suddenly, and since he lived alone no one knew for a full day almost.

This freaked me out a lot, and being alone became a big fear of mine. I never really had a panic attack still though. Fast forward a few years and I was at a baseball game during a very stressful time in my life. I was walking up the hill and had a full panic attack. My heart rate skyrocketed. I felt like I had a heart attack. It's been 10 months now, working on it every day!

[mkgirl01]

Mine started in high school my sophomore year my grandma died suddenly. The next year my boyfriend broke up with me this started my first panic attack. I was then until now I'm 20 years old. In January I thought I was pregnant I was trying to finish school thought I wasn't going to graduate .... I then started having random dizzy spells an one day it hit me hard!

[ValeCat14]

Two years ago my boyfriend had an allergic reaction to food. Ever since that moment I am scared of getting allergic reactions from food. making the list of foods that I eat very small. Or used to be small, I have been adding food ever since. Adding food isnt easy, as I have to taste it and go through being scared to death and then after 20 ish minutes I Might add it to the list ><

[rhar]

I'd always had anxiety but never to the pony that it interfered in my daily life. That was until I had a miscarriage 18 months ago. Since then I've battled extreme panic attacks and anxiety every day :(

[locksey]

Mine started wen I was 11yrs old , things were not very good at home and very stressful etc .....

[robertojimbobcrofto]

Iv always been bullied in school as got older stress got worse .. suffer severe anxiety and panic

[jloca215]

I was 19, had just recently been dumped by an ex and fired from my job. I was smoking weed and drinking everyday with the girl I was hanging out with. I didn't think anything was wrong. I was sitting at my friends house one night and my heart started racing for no reason. I got in my car and raced home. Don't remember how it stopped but maybe a night or two later I was at the bar and started feeling very anxious and thinking someone may have put something in my drink. Maybe a week later I went out with friends to play pool. i remember feeling very spacey and disconnected that night like i was in a dream. later on as i was laying in bed watching tv, saw a commercial for HIV and started freaking myself out thinking what if I had it. Before I knew it my thoughts were racing out of control and then my heart started again. I went to get my mom, I thought I was dying. I put her hand on my chest and said "feel". My mother never gets scared, she was scared that night. She looked so worried which made me more worried. It lasted an hour. I paced my kitchen. And 11 years later I'm still suffering with this.

[frankzito]

Got a electric zap in my head, not once, but twice and had a panic attack instantly. Never been the same since .

[laurentellez]

Got a electric zap in my head, not once, but twice and had a panic attack instantly. Never been the same since .



Your one of the most strongest people I know here sweetie: ) xoxoxo keep swimmng

[frankzito]

Your one of the most strongest people I know here sweetie: ) xoxoxo keep swimmng

Thank you Lauren! Hope your doing better :-)

[laurentellez]

Thank you Lauren! Hope your doing better :-)

I actually am. I had a bad week about 2 weeks ago but came out of it. . Finally.. feeling okay now..

[jdlap]

I had my first panic attack when I was around 10. They started out being about sleep (fear of not being able to go to sleep), but then I was getting panic attacks during the day as well. They were pretty persistent until I learnt to get a hold of them, around when High School started. When I went off to university, though, it came back full-on. Im going into my second year and still struggle with anxiety related insomnia. I have been able to get a hold of panic attacks though.

[majesty]

Mine started 3moths ago. I was smoking a lot of weed and then I got two electric shots down my body and then my heart stated pounding really fast. I freaked out and initially thought I was having an asthma attack so I started taking my pumps which was increasing my heart rate. When the ambulance came my heart rate was 150bpm, so they tried different techniques to get it down but it didn't work so they took me to the hospital to wait until it went down naturally... Which took about an hour.

Shortly after that it was time to revise for A-level exams which was stressful. I was getting panic attacks every week... So since then my body has not had time to recover and that's where it all began.

[Nicholemarie783]

I've had anxiety since childhood. I didn't recognize what I was feeling as anxiety until I started seeing a therapist in late middle school. From there I kept seeing my therapist, got put on multiple antidepressants, and actually felt "normal" my junior year of high school. Senior year rolled along and I moved to MS from IN. This major life change has caused my anxiety to worsen. I started seeing a relaxation therapist and a general therapist. I've learned a lot about myself since I moved. I realized I have avoidant personality disorder (can be traced to my childhood,) I'm emetophobic (this can also be traced to my childhood and a bad experience within,) I feel like I've become mildly agoraphobic, and as usual a nervous anxious wreck whom bounces around antidepressants every couple of months. But my therapist did clue in that she thinks I may be bipolar. To some this is a bad bad thing to happen, but for me I'm excited about it. I'm excited because I we can figure out what it really is, it can be treated correctly. And if I get the proper treatment, I feel like my life will turn around. I feel like I'll be able to handle things and situations better. I feel like I will no longer be this shy neurotic shadow standing in a corner, looking out of a window at all the fun and enjoyment of life everyone else around me seems to feel.