Eye contact, walking, lip biting, looking like an IDIOT

[justbreathe]

I have this issue.

If I go out in public usually this happens when I am alone, I am extremely paranoid of people looking at me and when I feel like they are sure enough they are. When people smile at me I have a hard time smiling back and sometimes I just dont. The main thing is my eye contact problem. I absolutely cannot look people in the eyes and then when I force myself too it feels unnatural and like Im probably crazy looking to them. Its such a terrible feeling I dont even want to be social because its EMBARASSING. The other thing is I sometimes feel like I cant walk right. Suddenly Im really focusing on something that should come natural and it feels so foreign. Then because I feel like everyone sees Im walking funny and eyes darting around I anxiously start biting my lip! I HATE IT! I dont even want to go out any more Im just humiliating myself!

Certain people trigger the eye thing more than others. Can someone please give me advise or reassure me thta Im not losing it becuase this is very depressing. Why cant I just be NORMAL

[justbreathe]

oh and now Ive been trying not to look away from peoples eyes because it feels like Im showing weakness so I try to stare right back in their eyes but its so awkward. When I do this its even worse because I dont naturally know when to look away...this HABIT is driving me NUTS

[Joker]

Don't worry, you're not losing it. I sometimes get the feeling that people are watching me or staring at me while I'm in public too. Probably not as severe as your case, but bad enough to cause discomfort.

The best way I have found to battle this is to keep reminding myself that everyone is NOT focusing on me. People have their own lives with their own business to deal with and I'm more than likely not a focal point for them. Sure someone might notice you when you walk by and they might even smile at you. But to be honest, they're probably just doing it because they're trying to be friendly. They're not looking at you because of something you did. They're just following the age-old "rule" that says you have to aknowledge a person if they come within ten feet of you.

Just try your best to put things into perspective. More than likely nobody is noticing anything. And let's say that they did notice you were biting your lip or something. What is the absolute worst possible outcome that could result from this? Would it make you any less of a person? Would your right arm fall off? Probably not. Life would go on and they'd probably forget about you 30 seconds later.

That's how I try to view those types of situations when they affect me. Hang in there. You can control it. I have faith in ya ;)

[Jeordie]

Let them make a fool of you. Let them think you're awkward. Let every people you meet believe that you're unworthy.

Call me crazy.

[stressedntexas]

Normal...hmmmm...who's to say that everyone is abnormal but yourself? How do you know those people looking at you weren't feeling as if someone was looking at them too?

I stress over similar things and it depresses me too. I sometimes have to look at it this way, so what if they're looking at me and thinking the worst of me. Are people really going to walk up to you and say, "Hey, you're weird!!!!! I noticed you walking funny and thought I'd let you know!!"

The answer to that is no. Some people may think you are different when they look at you. Don't you ever look at someone and notice their differences? That's not a bad thing. Differences aren't always criticized. Sometimes they're appreciated.

I have an unhealthy need for approval from others, people in my family, and even passers by and I'm not crazy about that paranoia either, but you can work and talk your way through it. Don't be ashamed of who you are-even the things you don't like about yourself. If you're anything like me, you're your worst critic.

[hubbub]

You are normal, I mean being yourself is basically being normal and techinically there is no such thing as normal (I am quite an abnormal person myself lol. I take pride in that fact)


I sometimes have a problem with looking certain people in the eye such as teachers or authority figures, the more I think about it, the more I cannot meet their eye. I can with people my own age but thats because Im a leader type person so I go into that role. I'm not sure if there is anything to help that except just trying, maybe look someone in the eye a little longer than you did last time (this is what Im trying out and it does seem to help) :mrgreen:

You just have to learn to be confident with yourself, people arent looking at you and even if they were does it matter what they think? I used to care what people thought of me, it affected most things I did, I was always aware of everything but then I decided to hell with it! Whats the point? Like stressedntexas said no one is going to say anything and differences are what makes us, us.

Just remember, say what you want, do what you feel, for those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

[superdude49]

first off-- screw normal people, they bore the hell out of me

second, i can relate to what youre feeling completely. a good thing to do is to get in the habit of always having good posture, you seem like you want to look confident.. that would definitely help.

as far as eye contact, just keep at it. most people are scared to hold eye contact, so just look at them- (dont glare or stare-- a book i read said to use "soft seeing eyes") most people are uncomfortable with stranger eye contact so they will probably look away. if they keep eye contact with you smile or give a polite nod or say hi and then you can both comfortably look away.

another thing that may help you is to practice small talk with strangers (check out people, bank tellers). I used to hate saying "how are you" to everybody i knew, even friends. then i decided to be more friendly and ask anyone i ran into how they were doing. the first week or so of doing that was horribly awkward, but after a while it came naturally and i didnt have to think about it.

give it some work, and you will see the rewards. and if theres one thing i've learned through all these "social experiments" is to not take it too seriously. people can pick up, sadly, when youre uncomfortable or trying too hard. try to put yourself in a good mood, (think about something funny or something you like) and this will come more naturally.

let me know how youre doing

[Jeordie]

Thanks for the tips, superdude. :goodjob: They sound super-right.