I made a mistake, and now its causing me SERIOUS anxiety all day long!

[patmyer1]

Hello everyone, I would like to first thank you for reading my post.

So.....perhaps this is something you may relate to or have at least heard of before. This involves some sexual content, so if you are not comfortable with that you might not want to read.

Let me first start off by saying that I am (or was) a perfectly happy, single, straight man. From time to time however (when the mood strikes) I will fantasize about...well you know what with the same sex. This time I think I went a little far (it was certainly out of character for me). I was really horny, and for whatever reason was having one of these stupid fantasies. I ended up on craigslist personals, found some guy posing on there, and sent him some nude photos of myself. Let me also add that I have never acted on these fantasies, and I have never done anything with another man. Seems harmless enough right? A little bit of time after I sent the pictures I realized that the e-mail had my first and last name in it. One of the pictures also had my face.

Time to panic.

I completely lost it. With all of these things that you hear about craigslist killers and whack-jobs out there who knows who I had just sent these photos to! I started to think that I may have endangered myself and/or my family, and that's when the anxiety really started. But how irrational is this? He doesn't have my address, and there is no reason for him to do anything. I was responding to an ad, and it was obviously just some experimentation of sorts, which I now obviously regret.

I emailed him and kindly asked him to delete the photos. I also told him I was having anxiety over the whole thing, and he sent a very kind email back telling me that I am over thinking this, blowing out of proportion, its not a big deal people do this all of the time on the internet now and days, I have nothing to worry about, and that he deleted all photos and previous emails. He generally seems like a nice and decent person, but why am I still completely unglued about this whole situation????? It's getting to the point to where I am not able to sleep well or at all because of the anxiety that he may be.....out there. Like the boogy monster right? This sucks. I feel like I'll never be back to the calm, relaxed, and normal self that I was. What in the world do I do? This irrational fear that my family is not safe and that I am not safe is starting to take a real toll on me. I have the anxiety all day. Please please help me.

Thanks again for reading.

[l1n7]

Did this happen to you recently? If so, from my own experience, you just need time and you'll be ok about the pics. Someone may have better advice though. the same thing happened to me somewhat except I'm a female and it wasn't on Craigslist. I sent nudes to someone over the Internet because of my anxiety (at least that's what I like to think was the reason) I sent them to this guy. If u knew me, you'd know that's something I just wouldn't do at all. I dont even like to take pictures. It's like I wasnt myself when I stood in the bathroom and took them and sent them. Someone had took over my body. Then hours later, I was in my body again and realized what I did. I can't tell you how scary it was realizing what I had done. I starting thinking that he's gonna post these over the Internet and my family is going to see them. I was so scared and panicking. Luckily, the person I sent them to is a very very nice guy and would never do that. Still today I think "did I really do that?" but I don't panic about it anymore do that's why I say you just need time. As time go by and you see that nothing is happening because u sent the pics, you'll start to calm down.
Good luck with getting through this

[Stuck]

Hi Patmyer,

You made a mistake, that's human, we all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up, it is ok.
About the anxiety, I undestand completely. I would react the same way, but I am always overreacting and so are you at this moment. Just recognise you are overreacting. The guy you emailed with seems to be ok and decent. Probably nothing is gonna happen. He doesn't even have you address, so what can he do?? You probably know 90% we worry about is never gonna happen. Also if you have anxiety it might seem you cannot overcome it. But that is just a feeling. You can overcome it! How long have you been having this anxiety now? Is it any better? Give it some time and try to distract yourself as much a possible, it will fade!

Good luck....

[anxietykidd]

I'm not saying you are homosexual ... But it sounds like to me to actually have pushed yourself that far as to send another man your naked pictures... Eeeehhhh you might be heading down that path... Or maybe you are bisexual you may like both... Maybe you have anxiety over trying not to be... These are all possible and I
wouldn't leave it to chance... But that is rather irregular. I'm not saying sometimes it doesn't cross people's minds... But it sounds like unconsciously or consciously your trying to explore that lust

[patmyer1]

I'm not saying you are homosexual ... But it sounds like to me to actually have pushed yourself that far as to send another man your naked pictures... Eeeehhhh you might be heading down that path... Or maybe you are bisexual you may like both... Maybe you have anxiety over trying not to be... These are all possible and I
wouldn't leave it to chance... But that is rather irregular. I'm not saying sometimes it doesn't cross people's minds... But it sounds like unconsciously or consciously your trying to explore that lust

Funny you mention the "gay anxiety", I actually had a bout of pretty serious OCD (it was as debilitating feeling as this) over it while I was dating my ex gf of 2 years. I have come to accept that these fantasies I will have probably for the rest of my life from rare time to rare time, but trust me when I say I am exclusively into women when it comes to actually having sex. I have actually done the free web cam show for a few guys before too over a similar spur-of-the-moment times when I was mast...well you know. It's no biggie. I've been in touch with it for quite a number of years now, and if it makes me a little gay then so be it. I'm happy with myself in that regard.

Unfortunately that is not the focus of this episode. This is sincerely focused on the fact that my primitive portion of my brain believes that I am in danger as well as my family as a result of what I had done. The reason it is irrational is because the guy seems like he understands and is completely normal. He also does not know where I live, as I have mentioned. I really hope this will fade with time. If you have any suggestions on how to manage, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks for your reply, it really does a lot to help me through this rough time.

[patmyer1]

Hi Patmyer,

You made a mistake, that's human, we all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up, it is ok.
About the anxiety, I undestand completely. I would react the same way, but I am always overreacting and so are you at this moment. Just recognise you are overreacting. The guy you emailed with seems to be ok and decent. Probably nothing is gonna happen. He doesn't even have you address, so what can he do?? You probably know 90% we worry about is never gonna happen. Also if you have anxiety it might seem you cannot overcome it. But that is just a feeling. You can overcome it! How long have you been having this anxiety now? Is it any better? Give it some time and try to distract yourself as much a possible, it will fade!

Good luck....


Hello friend,

It was definitely a mistake, but as you say we all make them. I have had a number of issues that I have reacted to similarly, and each I have overcome with due time. The problem is that this is one of those issues that I feel like I have no control over...and that is what makes it the hardest thing to get past. I had a similar problem with OCD with my ex girlfriend. I could not get past the fact that she had other lovers in her past for the longest time, it really tore me up (I know...its COMPLETELY selfish and ridiculous, but it was real....it's actually a more common condition called retroactive jealousy). I think that I did move past it, but boy was it HELL to do it. I have had this kind of condition happen before with certain things in my past I have done where I said explicitly "I will never forgive myself for this", etc. These were juvenile things that threatened my future and possibly my life, but those things are long in the past.

As I said, the biggest problem with this is that I feel like I am helpless and have no control over the situation, even more so than anything else I have ever done. Regardless of whether I have contacted the guy or not, it didn't seem to help, even when he replied with kind and comforting words. This has only been going on for about a week now. I have my moments where I feel like I have moved past it a bit, but then there are other times where it consumes my mind and I react into complete and total panic that I cannot escape from - it's absolutely horrifying. I have thought of suicide to end the grief already..and it's only been a week. I know I would never carry it out, but it's just to give you an idea of how severe the episodes are.

I just feel so lost, so helpless. I just want to feel normal again.

Thank you for your reply, it is helpful in this dark time.

[patmyer1]

Did this happen to you recently? If so, from my own experience, you just need time and you'll be ok about the pics. Someone may have better advice though. the same thing happened to me somewhat except I'm a female and it wasn't on Craigslist. I sent nudes to someone over the Internet because of my anxiety (at least that's what I like to think was the reason) I sent them to this guy. If u knew me, you'd know that's something I just wouldn't do at all. I dont even like to take pictures. It's like I wasnt myself when I stood in the bathroom and took them and sent them. Someone had took over my body. Then hours later, I was in my body again and realized what I did. I can't tell you how scary it was realizing what I had done. I starting thinking that he's gonna post these over the Internet and my family is going to see them. I was so scared and panicking. Luckily, the person I sent them to is a very very nice guy and would never do that. Still today I think "did I really do that?" but I don't panic about it anymore do that's why I say you just need time. As time go by and you see that nothing is happening because u sent the pics, you'll start to calm down.
Good luck with getting through this

Hello friend,

I think I am over the fact that I took the nude pics and sent them to him, that doesn't bother me anymore. I too felt like it was someone else taking the photos though...I was seriously caught up in a stupid fantasy, which has happened before when I have been "in the mood". I too think that this person is a nice guy, and I believe him that he deleted the photos when I asked him to. I really hope that time is the answer. Any other things that you found to help calm you down and get you through the process?

Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it a lot.
All the best.

[Stuck]

Hello friend,

It was definitely a mistake, but as you say we all make them. I have had a number of issues that I have reacted to similarly, and each I have overcome with due time. The problem is that this is one of those issues that I feel like I have no control over...and that is what makes it the hardest thing to get past. I had a similar problem with OCD with my ex girlfriend. I could not get past the fact that she had other lovers in her past for the longest time, it really tore me up (I know...its COMPLETELY selfish and ridiculous, but it was real....it's actually a more common condition called retroactive jealousy). I think that I did move past it, but boy was it HELL to do it. I have had this kind of condition happen before with certain things in my past I have done where I said explicitly "I will never forgive myself for this", etc. These were juvenile things that threatened my future and possibly my life, but those things are long in the past.

As I said, the biggest problem with this is that I feel like I am helpless and have no control over the situation, even more so than anything else I have ever done. Regardless of whether I have contacted the guy or not, it didn't seem to help, even when he replied with kind and comforting words. This has only been going on for about a week now. I have my moments where I feel like I have moved past it a bit, but then there are other times where it consumes my mind and I react into complete and total panic that I cannot escape from - it's absolutely horrifying. I have thought of suicide to end the grief already..and it's only been a week. I know I would never carry it out, but it's just to give you an idea of how severe the episodes are.

I just feel so lost, so helpless. I just want to feel normal again.

Thank you for your reply, it is helpful in this dark time.


You will feel normal again!! Don't worry!!! In about one week you will not even think about it anymore! Your mind is going around in a circle of thoughts and feelings, thoughts and feelings, etc. and you have to stop it. You have to recognize the thoughts and stop them. Otherwise they go on forever. It is the thoughts which are causing the feelings. Make a decicion you gonna stop thinking these thoughts. Whenever an upsetting thought comes, you say ''stop'' and think of something else, or think of the opposite thing you were thinking. This retrains your brain. You just have gone in an habit of negative thinking.

Ok, about not having control. Do we ever have control? No, it is a false belief. Anything can happen anytime and we believe we have control, but we have not. Security does not excist. It is a myth. Life is how life is. Just accept everything how it is right niw and it might give you some peace. Think like this: ''life will take care of it''. Or ''whatever is God's will'' and let loose.

Hope this helps.

[Stuck]

By the way, I don't think that if you have fantasies about other man this neccesairily always means you guy or something. I think there are loads of straight people who fantasice about the other sex sometimes. Nothing to worry about. I think if you are guy, you will know it. You will know yourself best..

[hopeNfaith88]

I can definitely relate. Im a lesbian, always have been since i can remember. A couple years ago when i turned 18 and had been with a girl for a couple years i got curious about guys and responded to a personals ad on craigslist because i wanted to have sex with a guy to be sure i was lesbian. My gf had cheated on me and we decided to break up so i met up with this guy. Sent him pix first like you did. I reacted purely on hormones and afterwards regretted it for a long time. But we all make mistakes out of being horny (lets be real thats all it is lol) and its alright. Nothing will happen but for your safety i wouldnt suggest doin what i did. Next time if you wanna do that leave ur face out and make a separate email account with a fake name. This guy sounds like hes just having fun not looking to embarass or hurt anyone. Just learn from this and dont stress

[patmyer1]

Glad you know where I'm coming from with this. It's really miserable. It feels like a weight is on my shoulders and that there is a dark cloud hovering over my head. I don't feel as intense about it, but I feel like my nervous system is tuned up all day long. I just want to feel fucking relaxed and normal again. I would do anything just to forget this whole thing ever happened.