A little of my story

[l1n7]

Hi all. I'm an 18 year old female trying to "fix" myself so I don't have to get professional help. I came on here to not feel so alone and to read about other people and see if anyone has a similar story to mines.

I was molested almost every night for a while by my brother when I was younger and well no one knows and will ever know (well besides you guys, but this is anonymous I guess)! Umm I feel that's why currently my anxiety is worse at night. Idk. Almost every night I wake up afraid of dying or just afraid that something is about to happen to me. My head gets tight and I feel as if I can't breathe. I'm not sure how much to put here about the whole molestation thing because this is just suppose to be an intro and it might be a bit much to go into details. If anyone wants to know more (I doubt it), just ask! I was bullied a lot by my older sister, I've had friends that has stoled things from me and used me, I had a best friend who just stopped talking to me one day, my mom takes her anger out on me, I have an awkward relationship with my dad, i have very very very low self esteem, and I'm very antisocial. I'm afraid that anyone that gets close to me just wants to use me. It's tough cuz I feel so lonely at times but I'm scared to have anyone in my life.


No one has the slightest clue that I have anxiety. My family considers me very funny and silly. I don't think I am though lol. I'm always joking around. No one takes me serious. I love to make people laugh.

My goal is to fix this without any of them ever finding out I have anxiety and depression. I'm hiding this very well.

This is a horrible intro.... Hmmm.. well a few things about me: I'm a twin, I play a couple of instruments, I love music, I have no social life, I've never been in a relationship, Idk what the heck I want to do with my life, my anxiety stopped me from accepting this music scholarship from a very good music school and I beat myself up about it everyday, and I love to be sarcastic.

Fin :P

[Buttercup]

Welcome to the forum.
It sounds like you have been through and are still going through a very hard time. Why are you against getting professional help? I think getting help would be the best thing you could do. It seems as if your life is becoming limited due to your anxiety and when it impacts on your life and you can't stop it doing so then seeking professional help is a must. Also seeing a professional will help you work through the awful things that happened in your past. Sometimes we need to accept that we need help and can't do it ourselves. Having anxiety and depression is nothing to be ashamed off and there is no need to hide it, it can be very liberating and helpful to let people know what is going on. Having a support network is so important and makes you feel less isolated and alone. Hiding anxiety/depression is exhausting and unfortunately you can not make steps to recover if it is hidden.
I really hope you re-consider getting professional help- it needn't be meds but definately seeing a counsellor/therapist. While people here can offer re-assurance and advice they will not be able to help you like seeing a pro.
B x

[alankay]

Well it seems you have a damn good grasp on what led to your anxiety. I'm am sorry you've had such experiences. But being aware they occurred and were wrong and NOT your fault should help although only a little. Actually you seem to really have a great idea of who you are, what you feel, why and what you are after(help with anxiety) and well....that's a healthy thing. Very healthy. Alankay

[l1n7]

Thanks to the both of you. I have nothing against getting professional help... idk how to tell my parents I need the help. And thanks it seems like I have a good grasp on what led to this but I don't. I've recently met a great friend over the Internet and he has helped me to realize that my anxiety was linked to getting molested. I believe that's the reason but it still confuses me how that could still affect me. Before that, I had no idea.

[CarJim75]

I agree with Buttercup, you should reconsider professional help. I'm glad you have someone there for support, it's always a good start to recovery!