Lovely_Mess
05-20-2012, 05:16 PM
Hello everyone,
Im 26 y.o. Married for almost 5 years and I have 2 amazing children. Ive had anxiety since I was 12-13 y.o. I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and when I was 14 told I was borderline bi-polar (doesnt surprise me because not very often I am in a stable grey zone, im usually really happy and great or really low and a mess).
My children are my life. Im a SAHM, which I love and wouldnt want to do anything else ideally, but sometimes I think its because my social anxiety gets so bad that holding down a job is difficult for me.
My husband and I had some issues. We seperated but lived under the same roof, but are now working on our issues, and I can actually say I feel like this is the best we have ever been in our relationsip (and we've known each other for 13 years!).
He works hard, and a lot of hours, which leaves me alone with the kids a lot. I find things to keep me busy. We're now on a venture of buying a house, which has flared up my anxiety some as well.
When I was younger I had classic anxiety attacks. I tried meds, I hated how they made me feel. Around the age of 20 I had a tachycardic event due to not eating well and low potassium levels. Since that day, Ive been scared to death of meds. Its about impossible to get me to take any. I had a hard enough time lately getting into the routine of taking vitamins (and I had to resort to the gummy kind). I have severe phobias over food and having an anyphalctic reaction as well. After my episode 6 years ago, my anxiety kicked back into high gear, but it began manifesting itself into physical symptoms. While I was pregnant with my daughter over 4 years ago, it started with it feel like it was hard to breath randomly throughout the day. Id get weak and get headaches. I dealt with that until she was about a year, and then I did better. Over the past year however, they have manifested horribly. I still get the tight SOB feeling. But now I have heart palpitations, and have about passed out a few times because it felt like someone took all the breath out of me. Scared something was horribly wrong, ive had numerous tests. Echo, normal; EKG, normal; event monitor, normal; blood work, normal; pulmonary function test, normal... Ive finally now just given up, but during my most severe health anxiety, my immune system was shot. I got pneumonia twice during Nov. and Dec. was in and out of the hospital and ER visits.... Im still plagued with the thought I COULD have a clot in my leg. I try to brush them off, but its hard. Im doing better then I was a few months ago, and just trying to be thankful for my health, but Im still having moments were its hard to overcome and I go full panic mood.
No one in my family really understand. They try to be supportive, but its hard for them given they have no idea how it feels to live like this. Somedays I feel like its a cruel joke being played on me.
Anyways, thats me in a nutshell (literally!!!)
Im 26 y.o. Married for almost 5 years and I have 2 amazing children. Ive had anxiety since I was 12-13 y.o. I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and when I was 14 told I was borderline bi-polar (doesnt surprise me because not very often I am in a stable grey zone, im usually really happy and great or really low and a mess).
My children are my life. Im a SAHM, which I love and wouldnt want to do anything else ideally, but sometimes I think its because my social anxiety gets so bad that holding down a job is difficult for me.
My husband and I had some issues. We seperated but lived under the same roof, but are now working on our issues, and I can actually say I feel like this is the best we have ever been in our relationsip (and we've known each other for 13 years!).
He works hard, and a lot of hours, which leaves me alone with the kids a lot. I find things to keep me busy. We're now on a venture of buying a house, which has flared up my anxiety some as well.
When I was younger I had classic anxiety attacks. I tried meds, I hated how they made me feel. Around the age of 20 I had a tachycardic event due to not eating well and low potassium levels. Since that day, Ive been scared to death of meds. Its about impossible to get me to take any. I had a hard enough time lately getting into the routine of taking vitamins (and I had to resort to the gummy kind). I have severe phobias over food and having an anyphalctic reaction as well. After my episode 6 years ago, my anxiety kicked back into high gear, but it began manifesting itself into physical symptoms. While I was pregnant with my daughter over 4 years ago, it started with it feel like it was hard to breath randomly throughout the day. Id get weak and get headaches. I dealt with that until she was about a year, and then I did better. Over the past year however, they have manifested horribly. I still get the tight SOB feeling. But now I have heart palpitations, and have about passed out a few times because it felt like someone took all the breath out of me. Scared something was horribly wrong, ive had numerous tests. Echo, normal; EKG, normal; event monitor, normal; blood work, normal; pulmonary function test, normal... Ive finally now just given up, but during my most severe health anxiety, my immune system was shot. I got pneumonia twice during Nov. and Dec. was in and out of the hospital and ER visits.... Im still plagued with the thought I COULD have a clot in my leg. I try to brush them off, but its hard. Im doing better then I was a few months ago, and just trying to be thankful for my health, but Im still having moments were its hard to overcome and I go full panic mood.
No one in my family really understand. They try to be supportive, but its hard for them given they have no idea how it feels to live like this. Somedays I feel like its a cruel joke being played on me.
Anyways, thats me in a nutshell (literally!!!)