How to deal with a "what if" complex

[abbeylayne]

For the past few years I've noticed that i always have a problem with worrying about the absolute case scenario. It's prevented me from going on a cruise with my family because "what if the ship sinks and we all die"? And various other vacations. I won't open the door when I'm home alone because "what if I get abducted"? There is an endless list of what ifs that I worry about all the time. I realize this is irrational but I still cannot help it. I was wondering if anyone else has this problem and how you cope or have changed your negative thoughts? Thanks!
--abbey

[guitarist]

I think a lot of people on this site have these "what if" thoughts. I have them as well. Not the same as yours, but I have them. I think you should try to make this negative thought a positive one. What if the ship sinks? --> This ship will take me to my destination and i will have a good time. Something like that. Are you in therapy? If not, I would recommend it... you will learn this positive thinking a lot better with help.

[abbeylayne]

Thanks for your reply :) I'm not in therapy at the moment, mainly because I'm on my parents insurance and I don't know how to bring it up to them...and if they'd even be ok with i. Ive been in therapy before for non anxiety related issues...I am on medication for my anxiety but I know this alone is not enough for all my what ifs. I know therapy is what I need I just don't know how to approach my parents about it. Anxiety is one big ugly circle.

[Buttercup]

if you are suffering your parents would want to know so they can support you. Any parent would be upset to find out that their child is really having a hard time and didn't tell them. Also telling them will build up your support network, it's really important to have people to talk to. If you struggle telling your parents face to face you could write down what you want to say and present them with it in a letter. Or start keeping a journal and show your parents. Do your mum and dad know about the anxiety meds you are on? If not that could be a good starting point with the discussion.
You are right that therapy is the way forward. A combination of that and your meds will be very helpful and hopefully help you get over this. I have been working with my therapist on my "what if" scenarios and I am so much better now that I used to be. As guitarist said, turning negative statements into positive ones can be helpful. As can writing down your "what if" scenario, then writing down what is the worst that could happen and what would then happen/how would I deal with it. Then looking at what will likely happen and t he likelihood of the worst case happening is nil. The more you look at your statements you will see how irrational they are and how they are holding you back. I have manged to get into a mind set of that will not happen and also a "so what" way of thinking- like, if something bad happens (which it probably won't) then so what, I will deal with it and at least I have been living my life instead of being afraid all the time. This pretty remarkable for me as I used to go through phases where I was a nervous wreck! Having what if thoughts is natural but when they over take your life and stop you doing the things you want to then there is a problem. I could not have worked through these things without a therapist.
I really hope you manage to talk to your parents and get extra help. Good luck x

[guitarist]

I think it is best to discuss your problems with your parents. They wouldn't want you to suffer, but want to be able to support you. Buttercup has some good advice if you aren't able to tell them face to face. Hopefully you will find the courage to tell them, because I think you could really use the extra help.

[carc]

One of the things that I've personally found useful in at least delaying or dulling "what-ifs" is to have a better grasp on the risks... For instance, if you find out that it's almost near impossible for a cruise ship to sink, sometimes there's something inside that just "clicks" and the concern dies down a little. And then, even if a cruise ship could sink, there still are enough lifeboats to be okay. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you can be able to cope with negative thoughts by step-by-step rationalizing your way through them.

Another tip is finding out a deeper root for your anxiety. The fear of death, being abducted, etc. What is feeding into these fears? By directly attacking the root cause underneath, you may be able to get rid of the symptoms on the surface. Just a thought! Good luck :)

[Sentao]

You have to stop this, just accept that death will happen to all of us and don't let your fear stop you from living your life. This what if attitude will only make you hide a lot, sure, you might be safe, but what good will it be when you are 70 and you say "I have lived such a long age" when you have not really lived at all.

Toss the what ifs, be a decent person (So godwill take care of you later :) ) and just enjoy life.