I need serious help..

[Jen Victoria Macdonald]

I am making myself so miserable at the moment. I feel like crying every day and when I'm in doors on my own I will cry until I can't cry anymore. I live away from home while at Uni so have to speak to my mum on the phone. I've rang her around 4/5 times over the last few days telling her how rubbish I feel and that I don't want to feel like this anymore. I have been to the doctors to see a nurse and a doctor about the pain in my bicep and the sensations in my forearm and little finger. I've also rang NHS direct and the out of hours medical centre numerous times (they must think I am such a hypocondriact!) Yet I just can't accept what they say to me. I describe my symptoms and they say it is nothing serious just tendonitis and nerve damage and to rest it (when I can't at the minute due to ongoing Uni work). Each person has told me this! I have been to see my Uni counsellor about this anxiety in my health and he said it's very normal and to see a private therapist. I think this stems from 3 of my family members going to the doctors about symptoms and they told them it was nothing serious, when it was the thing that killed them! This is ruining my lifestyle, my life with my boyfriend and my mum is very worried about me. I have recently come off my pill and went for a run the other day. I felt myself start my period and automatically started freaking out and I rang my mum in tears thinking that I have cervical cancer. She had to calm me down and tell me that I had just come off my pill and my hormones are all over the place.. I didn't even think that, I didn't think rationally. I never do at the moment. This is making me feel like I'm going insane. It's affecting me so much. Googling symptoms are my downfall! I cannot stop myself.. I just feel like I'm going to be really really ill from anything. So far I have diagnosed myself with bone cancer, cervial cancer, lukiema, breast cancer.. all the really bad things.. when infact I don't have any of the symptoms to have these!! Please can anyone help, I'm driving myself mental :(

[anxiousmess]

hiya.

i was very much like you with health anxiety. in the space of a few weeks i went from kidney disease to schizophrenia (loads inbetween).
it got to the point i couldn't take anymore, my anxiety got that bad i thought i was losing my mind.
i went to the doctor stating that i think i have schizophrenia or paranoid personality disorder. they gave me zoloft and it's calmed my health anxiety down to a minimum.

maybe you should consider some meds?

[Jen Victoria Macdonald]

Well I haven't been to the therapist yet but I'm guessing that will be one thing they mention. I'm not sure if I want to. I realise that they do a lot of good things, but I want to be in control of my feelings naturally as I've not always felt like this, so I want to go back to normal. Does this sound weird? I don't want to insult anyone on medication, it's just the way I feel. I just know that I want to feel normal again! I have lost my appetite so much. I'm hungry but just cannot eat. I had two mouthfuls of pasta and just couldn't stomach anymore. I'm living off water and I know this is no way healthy. I'm going home on Wednesday so will go in and see my family doctor as I feel much more comfortable in talking to him.

[anxiousmess]

you aren't offending anybody :)
it also doesn't sound weird at all! i know exactly what you mean.
i also wasn't too keen on meds. i have been on and off them for years.
it gets to the point though where my sanity vs meds doesn't really have much competition.

they help you get your mind back onto level ground, and help you help yourself alot easier.

a therapist can do this also too. so seeing a therapist is a brilliant step in the right direction.

it could be the stress of being away from home, all of your uni work and the fact the doctors aren't giving you the answers you want/expected. it could be bringing out your anxiety 10x worse.
you might feel alot better once you get back home on wednesday :)
please try and eat a bit more though. i know how hard it is, believe me.
anorexia and anxiety have controlled my eating for years.

it is important that you battle through that though as the less you eat, the worse you will feel. it's a vicious circle!

good luck and i hope you feel better soon :)

[MandD]

Hey there! First of all, you are definitely NOT going insane or crazy. Think about this: If you really were crazy, would you be consulting us right now? No! You would be absolutely convinced beyond a doubt that there really was something wrong. But you aren't, you realize that this is health anxiety. And that's good!

The first thing I would do, is look around on the stickies if you haven't already. What you're experiencing is your body's natural and completely harmless fight-or-flight mechanism. There are some great posts up at the top that explain that and how it works to keep your anxiety continuing!

Also, can you tell us how your daily schedule or daily life is? How much do you exercise? What is your diet like right now? Caffeine? Soda? Processed foods?

What a lot of people don't realize is that becoming healthy, becoming WELL overall, is often the only treatment most illnesses need, including anxiety. I know from experience that I begin to feel better very soon, within a week, after I start eating healthy and exercising regularly. My girlfriend who has anxiety like yours, about her health, shows great signs of improvement when we eat like we should and exercise like we should! We had a hard time doing it while in college, but now that its summer, we're doing all we can.

If you're still doing daily work, I would urge you to try and incorporate at least 15-30 minutes of walking around outside every day. And I don't mean the hurried, rushed walking you do between getting places, I mean some time to yourself, taking a walk, thinking about how much better you'll feel after a week of living healthier! You'll be surprised.

And don't give up. I know it's tough, but always know that this will pass and your fear will subside. You just have to get through the tough part. Somewhere in the future is a you that is not anxious. That you is out there; not now, but in time. In time you will be that you that doesnt have anxiety anymore. It's just a process of getting there!

Good luck!

[Jen Victoria Macdonald]

I think uni stress is a massive issue! I struggled with a certain piece and panicked a lot, then after it was handed in I haven't been able to concentrate on my other bits of work properly. And now all this has started.. It's just a huge circle I can't seem to get out of. I am trying to eat, I made toast for breakfast and took one bite of it and had to spit it out :( my boyfriend doesn't understand what's wrong with me. At first he just laughed at me because he thought I was being stupid, now I think he realises that this is getting serious. Health is not a big thing for him though, he's so fit and healthy - cycles every day for 5-6 hours. None of his family members have died, whereas I have such anxiety with my dad dieing of a brain hemoridge and my grandma and grandad both of cancer. This needs to stop :( thank you for your replies! x

[Jen Victoria Macdonald]

Exercise is a massive thing for me also. I used to be really fit and healthy - doing some sport and exercise everyday.. now I've to come uni and I don't do anything as I find I have too much work to do. I've tried to get back in to it but it's hard. That's why I went for a run the other day to clear my head, and look where that got me, in floods of tears yet again! At the minute my diet is water (mainly because we don't have anything else in due to me not wanting to go food shopping). How long does it take may I ask? How long did it take you to feel okay again? This has gradually got worse over the space of a few months x

[MandD]

Yeah, that kind of daily stress and work can do a number on people! It really made my girlfriend stress a ton with all the work she had to do, dealing with other people as well, etc. College was really what made her anxiety kick in full force.

A really important thing is nutrition. Making sure you're getting all the vitamins and minerals you need. Many times, anxiety is made worse by a lack of essential nutrients, like Magnesium, Calcium, etc. I would suggest getting a daily multi-vitamin for general health and wellness! And then, making sure you do eat breakfast every day. I know you said that you tried to eat some toast and couldn't bring yourself to it- that's ok, toast isn't great for you anyway, haha. If you can't get down food like that, then at the very least have maybe some yogurt or milk, with some fruit maybe, along with your multi-vitamin. And then, if you find you ever have 15 mins free during the day, take a quick stroll outside wherever you happen to live. I wouldn't recommend full-out running or even jogging at first, we wanna start small and easy and low-stress. Getting outside and getting sun and fresh air is really just as important as the exercise part of it.

I have experienced, with my girlfriend, that yeah, it seemed to get worse over the space of 4-6 months or so. It's just all the little things that add up to something bigger. Because of this, its very important to take care of the little things. Again, if you find you have 15 minutes or so before bed (or even during the day), use it to do some deep breathing exercises, they're quite fun because it gives you time to focus just on being calm and nothing else. Nothing else to worry about! There's lots of resources online about meditation and breathing exercises for wellness that will give you a good start.

As for your boyfriend, having a close relation like that who understands and supports you is also a massive help- I know this from experience! So if he doesn't happen to fully get what you're going through, that's ok- it is really hard to understand something like this if you've never experienced it before. But I would show him that you've joined this forum and that you're trying to help yourself, and if he would like to, if he'd like to help too, if only to maybe go get you simple groceries if you don't have time to go food shopping, as you said earlier.

You'll do fine, I'm sure of it!

[Jen Victoria Macdonald]

Thankfully today is my last day to do Uni work so my symptoms and anxiety may dissapear or start to supside at some point going forward! Yes I try and take a mult-vitamin, although I'm not very good at taking tablets, but I'm getting much better. I'm looking forward to going home and feeling better. I know my mum will look after me :) I had to give a presentation to a cinema full of people this afternoon. I wasn't going to do it but made myself. I felt my heart race, my fingers tingle, and I was sweating and shaking.. I felt so weird.. but then as soon as I stopped and sat down, I was fine! I've done things like this before and not been that bad, so I know my anxiety has gotten bad. At the moment all my chest feels tights and like a burning sensation? My shoulders are tight too and my muscle are aching. I feel like my muscles have been strained so much from the stress! I tend to hunch over and have been doing more so now I have been having this anxiety so that has definitely not helped me. I am going to make sure I feel better from all this. Thank you for your replies and comments!