I dread good things if that makes sense?

[LisaMichelle]

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this before but I dread good things. I can't remember the last time I've been excited about something. Instead I waste time with intrusive thoughts thinking about how the worst possible thing could happen because something this fun or exciting could never happen to me. Maybe its a form of low self esteem? Maybe my social anxiety is just heighten and I'm scared of being out of my routine and schedule (I go nuts if my routine is messed up). I can't remember when it started but when I was graduating High School I went the whole spring semester worried I was going to die in a car wreck. When I had my very first trip to NYC the whole plan ride I was sweating thinking we were going to crash. Now that I have another exciting event happening soon in July. I can't shake this fear of death or sickness or even pregnancy (that's a mild worry compared to the others obviously) Has anyone had this before? How can I cope? I don't have a therapist and I don't have health care so I can't just visit a Dr. and ask for medication. Everything recommended will work if its natural. Otherwise I can't get my hands on meds as much as I would like too, I'm a part time worker full time college student at 23.
Thanks,
Lisa Michelle

[daisy84279]

I feel that way too. It's like I can't just let my guard down and enjoy what's happening in the moment. I feel the better things get for me, the more likely it is that something bad will happen. It makes me just wanna stay home and hide. And I'm in the same boat you are. I don't have health insurance so paying 80 bucks for a doctors visit is tough.

[LisaMichelle]

It's really hard the more i get excited the more my fear and paranoia grows. It's never been this bad.

[timmcgonagle]

I get exactley the same and I thought it was just me, I can never enjoy what is going on because I'm too worried about all the bad stuff that might/never ever happen and if I ask amquestion imhave too go really really deep into then question for my brain too be happy that I've asked the question. Me asking too deep of a question sometimes then causes arguments and then I realise I am doing wrong but by then it is too late! I don't now weather this is just me tho

Tim age 20

[joolz5108]

I feel the same why. Why does that happen to us? I never let anyone in because I feel like it just won't work. I think I have self esteem issues too. Ugh.

[FedUp]

I can definetly relate! I look forward to something and then start thinking too much! What if I get anxiety, what if I wreck, what if there is a fire, what if I get lost........I hate this! I also am without insurance so I just suffer. Tried breathing and relaxing but it is so hard to do when Ur mind is against you! When I try breathing, I think.. " I can't breath!!!" They say to find something u enjoy doing. Well, I try and find myself worried that I will have an attack if I walk by myself, etc. I am doing less and less without my husband being there! I understand how u feel!

[skybluebird]

Ditto to all of this. I have the same problems, in my head it seems like something horrible will happen or that something is too good to be true. But just go on with the activity anyway. When I do, I always find it was worth it. Sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone, and whatever happens after that will be what it was meant to be. "Everything happens for a reason"- that is my favorite quote and I live for it. Just try to go with the flow and accept whatever happens.

[timmcgonagle]

But sometimes it isn't just going and doing things sometimes it is just with certain people like the people I am closest too, sometimes I will flip out over the most stupidest thing and then once I have thought about it I regret it and then start thinking of why I did it and the apologise and then feel so bad and so guilty it upset me and then I just start worrying I have upset them it is just a visions circle :(